Truly Greatful

Two years, I've known you.
Two years, I've loved you.
A thousand tears, it took me
A thousand tears, to finally see
that
Everytime we spoke, I felt like singing.
Everything you did, sent my head spinning.
I'd give anything to hold you close for
Just one night.
You and I have history to make together,
I'll be here for you, now and forever,girl.
This is what I realize;
I'm so greatful that you're mine.


(To be added to. Any suggestions?)

Ethics aside, this is beautiful.

I'm drained right now, so I'll just leave it at that.

I liked it. I love the love in you. Don't hide it. And I don't think that means "kiss the girl", just don't be scared to give a smile or a hug. And it's ok to cry. That can be loving, too.

I love this, it's so beautiful- your words seem to flow effortlessley and your emotion is awe-inspiring. This line is just... so wonderful:

You and I have history to make together,

I can relate deeply to your story; i fell in love with my best friend when i was 14 and never told her. We drifted apart because my feelings eroded the ease of our relationship. Even if you don't act on them, make sure you properly come to term with your emotions- give them a proper place so that they don't overflow.

Without meaning to seem confrontational, animekaratepup, what did you mean when you said 'Ethics aside'? I didn't find a hint of anything unethical in this poem- how can genuine, romantic (not consumate, as obviously she's under age) love, ever be unethical?

I read it, and loved it. Great job, and keep going!

Hello there! I'm Bella, and I'm here to review your poem! I hope that's okay =)

I'd like to start with the title - it should be grateful. Now, onward!

Two years I've known you,
two years I've loved you.

I feel like you use a lot of commas that aren't necessary, or that create awkward pauses, so I'm going to try to work some of them around a little. Maybe it will give you some ideas?

[/quote]A thousand tears, it took me
a thousand tears, to finally see
that[/quote]

Finally kind of throws off the rhythm of the poem, and the first line of this section is worded a little funny. I'd suggest something like this:

"It took me a thousand tears,
a thousand tears to see
that"

every time we spoke I felt like singing,
everything you did sent my head spinning.

Just a couple small changes -
Every time is two words.
And I took out the commas, and changed the period to a comma, as I did with the first section. To me it runs smoother this way. It's like the words have more impact when the reader isn't pausing as much between them.

Also. I love these two lines together. They are my favorite. They just sound so...perfect together.

I'd give anything to hold you close for
just one night.
You and I have history to make together,
I'll be here for you, now and forever.

Girl is a nice sentiment, but throws off your rhythm a little.

This is what I realize:
I'm so grateful that you're mine.

I'd suggest making the semi-colon a colon - colons are used to present something, and in this piece you are presenting what you have realized.

I also changed the spelling of grateful.



I often ask the people I'm reviewing for if they choose to capitalize every line, because it was pointed out to me in a review a long time ago, and opened a whole new way to use the words in my poem.

I changed some of the capitalization that didn't come after a period, to give you an idea of what I mean. Readers tend to pause at capitals at the beginning of lines, or disconnect the lines, because capitals are associated with new thoughts. I find that making some lines begin with a lowercase letter can really effect the flow and impact of my poems.


Overall, I like your poem. I think there are a few small flow issues, but otherwise it's nice, it's sentimental. I also offered a few stylistic suggestions.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Happy poeming!

<3
Bella

I really like this poem, the emotion of the narrator really comes through and it reads really well as a poem too. My favourite lines were:

VousEsEtonnant wrote:Everytime we spoke, I felt like singing. Everything you did, sent my head spinning.

- I love how you sort of 'repeated' each line twice, for example when you begun the first two lines with, "Two years" and "Two Years," and then the next two with "A thousand tears" repeated twice. I thought it was a really effective method to express the narrator's happiness and gratitude towards this girl. It's a shame this wasn't continued throughout the rest of the poem, I don't know if you even did it intentionally, but still my opinion aside this is already a very completed poem and I think it shows your skills as a writer to effectively show your emotions and tell a story in the form of poetry. I really like it

I must say that this was elegantly and [seemingly] effortlessly written. For some reason, I have the feeling that this was one of those poems that the pen mostly did the writing... Tell me if I'm wrong. The emotions that you portray [as usual] are excellently done. Only criticism... Stop writing so darn well!