The Feeling

This is a bit short, but I find it expresses the feeling well. Waiting for comments:D
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Love turns to hate
Hopes hide into fate
Tears flow down
There’s no way back now

It hurts me to hear
The word I never wanted to fear
It hurts me to stare
At you like I never cared

I want to forget
And I want to believe
That you will never be upset
And forever remember me

Time passed silently, and gray
And it hurts to live another day
To know sometime
I’ll have to draw the line.

Don’t leave. I want you.
I wish so much you didn’t have to.
Don’t leave. I can’t stand the fear.
I would do anything to keep you near.

This pretty much sums the way I have been feeling for like ever. The flow of he poem was perfect and the topic you choose to write about was beyond sensitive.


Don’t leave. I can’t stand the fear.
I would do anything to keep you near.

This was my favroite part I loved the way you ended it.......except in my case I couldn't do anything to keep that person near.

Overall: I LOVED It.

I liked this. You definitely conveyed the emotion well. I found the flow a little off in places, but that shouldn't be too hard to fix. Just take a little more time when you're writing until you think it works better.

In the third stanza, and a few other lines here and there, your rhyming was off. If you want to do a rhyming poem, it's best to stick to a rhyme scheme throughout the whole poem. Decide on what your rhyme scheme is going to be, then go through your poem again and make sure everything rhymes the way you want it to. You'll end up with a much better flowing piece than you started with.

This is already great, just work on the things I mentioned and you'll have an amazing poem. Keep writing!!

~Kitty

I liked it, it however did seem a bit bumpy at places but nothing that is too hard to fix

Keep Writing!

KJR

Like what everybody else is saying, the switch of rhyme schemes is a bit abrupt and you should usually stick to the same form throughout a piece. But that certainly doesn't detract from the value of your poem at all! There's, of course, plenty of emotion involved and the raw desire for love contained here is expressed effectively with basic structure and word usage of the everyman lover. One small typo at "At like you never cared"; I'm sure you meant "act" there anyways, good piece! I enjoyed it