[untitled] I

I think I put this in the right section, not entirely sure. All comments, crits, suggestions welcome. Rated for imagery.

[untitled]

der schmetterling

a headless butterfly, wings whacked, blood dripping oval splatter on my finger tips, my face.
the gun to (my) head, frigid against feverskin, cold calm reason, a cold calm justification
against this trembling inside.

a wicker basket burning, white and whittle within; aflame – a bitter blue, flicker orange holocaust,
bitterbitter sun blisters on tattooed tongues. cut up angels singed on the side, fashioned of paper and
clay. ich bin nicht… my words snag on (your) tongue: moist swollen hemorrhaging.

shatter-spear lacerations binding weather wings, covenants upon the surface scar deeper in the skin.
stitches in black, apothecary needles pepper prick. fascination since eve and her blood red lips; on her knees
so captivating, knees purpled – milking you between sanctuary thighs.

wounds yawn tongues crawl inside erode every little dirty thing. juliet on her marriage bed, euphoria with
rosaline, beide fallen – snow-white und rosenrot. and mercutio, his green apple eyes fixed like sin on a mabwing
letting her slit his throat and leave him hanging suicide; motten sketched on his chest, he swings. außer mir.

‘Hell, hanging's only getting revenge.
What's wrong with revenge?
I've been revenging myself all my life.’

phosphorescence sprinkled in a stille nacht: broken cords and piano keys on extremity slips.
muddy circles on a rotten windowpane: a sensation of sight. ich steche dich…

and as this heaven is wide I will ride out this self-smashing orgasm. hier kommt die sonne.

-

german phrases - (my german isn't that great, so if you find problems with it please tell me; I am very wary of online translators.)

der schmetterling: the butterfly
ich bin nicht: I am not
beide fallen: both fall
und rosenrot: and rose-red
motten: moths
außer mir: save me
stille nacht: Silent Night
ich steche dich: I prick you
hier kommt die sonne: here comes the sun

references and allusions that appear are from: Goethe, Snow-White and Rose-Red by The Brother’s Grimm, Sonne by Rammstein, Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare, and the 1967 movie In Cold Blood.

lol...dress in drag and do the hula...

I wish i could help you out with this, but the only thing I can say is : lovely. Perfect, in fact. That's completely unhelpful, but I loved it. The german was a fab touch, same with the bold. It's lovely.

You know, I usually would reprimand you for making such long stanzas that were so seemingly unstructured, or by incorporating a language but you fixed both of these flawing aspects - you provided translation and the poem WAS structured and flowed well. I loved all your images and I think german was a perfect language for this feel.

I really liked the feel of this piece. Being a fan of German myself, I liked how you integrated the language. I also dig the long, flourid lines...they really fit. Wonderful.

Brian

Gah, it's been so long since I've read anything you've written - a fact I regret now after reading this. I swear, you're the most original poet on this whole site, and probably even beyond this place. I love the German language, and you used it wonderfully.

beide fallen – snow-white und rosenrot

My favourite part, and not just because Rosenrot is a great album.

Terrific work.

Luke, I'm blushing.

Thank you all for your comments. I didn't know it would be that well received, cause I was bucking my own traditions in how I write writing it. The long lines and such. And the German. German is a new poetic language for me, I do French, I do Spanish, but this is the first for German. There is a sequel in the works somewheres.

Xan, *snicker snicker*, I can't believe I pulled it off myself.

Again, thank you all. CL

good imagery