Lights.

[I hope that wherever everyone else’s worlds take you, you still remember where yours began.]


I take a deep breath and my first step
A girl in the heart of a hurricane,
Waiting, waiting for the blistering depth
As my mind drifts ‘cross familiar plains,

Keep looking back an’-a-cee
All the places my heart wandered to,
Anyone and anywhere I could be
Tripping in northern lights, through and through,

And all the young folks I knew;
With their wildest hearts, their brilliant lights,
Helpless, at times, to the darkest of blues
Fleeting foxes in a dream-spun night,

Numbers, planets, hand-drawn stars
Brushing through pages in a book of firsts,
My stumbling mind free of exotic scars-
Singing chords and films and checkered shirts,

Time walks by and takes my hand
And I march past prairies of expectant eyes,
My heart is a lion and so I stand
Proud to face the storm in glittering skies,

I’m going to dance in the rain meant for me;
And I know without a doubt that I won’t ever be alone,
These are the people who began my life-

This is home.

HEY!

First thing i must say is Bravo, a hundred times over! That was beautifully written! A very good read.

However, just saying that would be pointless.

Numbers, planets, hand-drawn stars
Brushing through pages in a book of firsts,
My stumbling mind free of exotic scars-
Singing chords and films and checkered shirts,

The first two lines of this stanza I don't think fit. I just felt they were out of place, unless they have key meaning which i'm just missing altogether. And if there is reason behind them, i'd considered emphasising this point more.

The other point is, I want more before the penultimate line. This is home, is a very strong poignant line, but I don't see where it's coming from! What i'm trying to say is, I wanted a better understanding of what home was but it ended.


Bar those two points i think this was astounding so well done!

PM me for anything!

~Retro Disco666

This is so great!!! I like the line "a girl in the heart of a hurricane." Very creative and artistic!!

This is the kind of poetry I can never write. It's just brilliant. So many references to different things but everything still fits and makes sense. Great poem. Just awesome.

Hey there,
wow this is such a beautiful poem. So deep, so well-thought out. I like the rhyme scheme and how you
stayed true to that pattern in every stanza. I just love the way it reads. And I just love dramatic poetry,
all those emotions, all that imagery. You are amazing.
Keep writing.
xx Upile xx

Thanks all for the wonderful reviews, I'll consider every critique and I'm grateful for each compliment

I take a deep breath and my first step
A girl in the heart of a hurricane,
Waiting, waiting for the blistering depth
As my mind drifts ‘cross familiar plains,
Keep looking back an’-a-cee
All the places my heart wandered to,
Anyone and anywhere I could be
Tripping in northern lights, through and through,
And all the young folks I knew;
With their wildest hearts,their brilliant lights,
Helpless, at times, to the darkest of blues
Fleeting foxes in a dream-spun night,
Numbers, planets, hand-drawn stars
Brushing through pages in a book of firsts,
My stumbling mind free of exotic scars-
Singing chords and films and checkered shirts,
Time walks by and takes my hand
And I march past prairies of expectant eyes,
My heart is a lion and so I stand
Proud to face the storm in glittering skies,
I’m going to dance in the rain meant for me;
And I know without a doubt that I won’t ever be alone,
These are the people who began my life-
This is home.

I really like this! (Sorry i copied it into the reveiw, i like to look at it while i reveiw it) i'm not quite sure what it is about, though. childhood? Standing in a field? Finding courage? over all i really love the word choice and it was good!

It's written for a friend who's leaving. It's supposed to send a message of not being afraid to take a step forward in life, but never to forget everything you're leaving behind, and all the people and places you knew. It is like remembering childhood - it's meant to be a little fairy tale-like. But to be honest, you can interpret any way you like; I like to read it as being a lot about valuing the things that make you who you are.

This poem was amazing. You did vary well and it flows with great rhythm. You had me captivated with the first word. I must say you did excellently. I look forward to more of your work. Oh and of course nice job!;)