Where can I hide now?

I don't know where I can hide away now.
It seems that the sky has fallen,
like the angels that trace shining lines of stardust in the heavens.

My old home in the sunlight,
the place where childish dreams were not a source of scorn,
it faded away,
until the glorious magnificence of the past was nothing but the past.

My old home in plain sight,
where I fit in like a normal little girl,
It was carried away by the clouds.

My old home in a tree I climbed,
so high I was almost flying,
it was destroyed when an ignorant old fool cut down the tree,
the magical home of the childhood fairies.

Everywhere I tried to find a home,
I ended up destroying the hope of my friends.
I have no chance of belonging anywhere.

So I built my own home.
I thought I knew no one else was there.
I was so certain in my ignorance,
so certain that I didn't turn around.
I didn't turn while I built my home,
the home hidden away in the shadows.
After I finished my home,
I finally turned.
I turned, expecting to see a lonely nothing,
and saw behind me the face of a true friend.

One year flew by,
faster than any other before it.
I needed,
still need,
to stay forever,
but the hands of a demon smashed my home and pulled me away,
pulled me away kicking and screaming,
fighting the truth away with the power of a tiger,
but in the end,
losing to the power of the demon.

So here I am now,
trying to be strong,
but in the end,
failing like all those before me.
All of the ones who were hidden away,
the sources of shame,
the "bad children."
I try to be strong,
but the light is long gone,
the shadows of home still stand in my heart,
and they can't be washed out.

Just stop trying to force me to change,
I am never afraid!
my home still stands,
maybe far away,
but the number of miles doesn't matter anymore.
The number of miles doesn't matter to me,
because the shadows still stand in my soul.

I appreciate any comments you want to leave I'm completely new to this site (though I've been writing since I learned how) and I would really appreciate suggestions from anyone!!!

Wow this is good, l love the last paragraph its a nice way to end it. Keep
on writing and welcome to YWS!!

thanks!!

I love it. I agree, the last paragraph was the most awesome.

I loved the poem. Specially since many can connect to it. Great job!

P.S. I liked the middle part better than the end. =)

So I liked the majority of the poem, but I think you could have made it a bit clearer as to what you were trying to say. Or maybe I just don't really understand. I'm going to have to go re-read it now, hehe. One thing I do want to say is about your first stanza.

I don't know where I can hide away now.
It seems that the sky has fallen,
like the angels that trace shining lines of stardust in the heavens.

The two lines I've put in color don't make any sense to me.
Are you trying to say that the angels have fallen as well as the sky? The wording's off, and so it doesn't make any sense. It's like you're saying two separate things, that the sky has fallen AND that the angels are tracing etc... I don't know really what you were going for, but I think not only is it worded strangely, it's also very wordy. It's just a really big mouthful that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

My old home in the sunlight,
the place where childish dreams were not a source of scorn,
it faded away,
until the glorious magnificence of the past was nothing but the past.

I love the first line of this of this stanza, it's very pretty. I also love how after this in the poem you repeat the theme of your home.
But, once again, the line I've highlighted I think might be a bit too wordy again. Maybe you could change it to, "...until the gloriousness of the past..." or "...until the magnificence..." But that's just my opinion, somebody else might think that it's just fine as it is~~~
Also, you should put a period after "sunlight". The first line in this stanza works better as a sentence by itself.
So it looks like this:

"My old home in the sunlight.
The place where childish dreams were not a source of scorn.
It faded away,
until the... etc..."

So yeah... onto ze next stanza!

My old home in plain sight,
where I fit in like a normal little girl,
It was carried away by the clouds.

I really like this stanza. I don't know why, but it just kind of stuck out to me. It's not all spiced up with language, not a bunch of beautifully worded imagery, it's just kind of set and stated. I liked it.
My only nitpick would be to fix the punctuation. I think you should either put a ... after girl and start the "It was..." as if it were a new sentence. Or, I believe you should put a ; after girl, so it's "...little girl; it was carried..."

My old home in a tree I climbed,
so high I was almost flying,
it was destroyed when an ignorant old fool cut down the tree,
the magical home of the childhood fairies.

This is a nice stanza to me because it reminds me of the the hurt I felt when these people behind my old house chopped down a lot of trees and burned them to clear the way. They also happened to cut down a blackberry bush that we used to eat blackberries from and it made me sad. They just made the space so empty and even covered a fox's den in the process.
I do think you need to tweek the punctuation of this as well.
"My old home in the tree I climbed
was so high I was almost flying.
Destroyed when an ignorant old fool..."
or...
"My old home in the tree I climbed.
It was so high I was almost flying.
Destryoed when..."

Everywhere I tried to find a home,
I ended up destroying the hope of my friends.
I have no chance of belonging anywhere.

I didn't quite get this part, but I'm sure it makes sense to you.
Ummm, I just wonder why it's destroying your friends' hope. Is it because you choose to find home elsewhere, rather than with them? But then you go on to say that you don't belong anywhere.

I think, looking through the rest of the poem, well, in my opinion, I think this is a poem about how someone tries to find a home for themself and doesn't realize that they have friends to help them. They try to find all these homes and end up ignoring their friends, because they don't really think they belong anywhere or really have any friends.

So I built my own home.
I thought I knew no one else was there.
I was so certain in my ignorance,
so certain that I didn't turn around.
I didn't turn while I built my home,
the home hidden away in the shadows.
After I finished my home,
I finally turned.
I turned, expecting to see a lonely nothing,
and saw behind me the face of a true friend.

Especially in this stanza. I feel like the person has finally given up going to anywhere else for friends and has only themselves to rely on, and in their ignorance, hasn't realized that they do have a friend. But I feel it's kind of too late for the person, too. They built their home hidden away in the shadows, and I think this means they've secluded themself and hidden away in a dark place. And by the time they've discovered their true friend, they've already built their home in a dark place.

One year flew by,
faster than any other before it.
I needed,
still need,
to stay forever,
but the hands of a demon smashed my home and pulled me away,
pulled me away kicking and screaming,
fighting the truth away with the power of a tiger,
but in the end,
losing to the power of the demon.

This seems out of place... I don't get the one year going by, but I guess maybe it could relate to something I don't know?
I just don't see how it fits or ties in very well.
And, for punctuation, I think it should be:
"One year flew by,
faster than any other before it.
I needed,
still need,
to stay forever.
But the hands of a demon smashed my home and pulled me away,
pulled me away kicking and screaming,
fighting the truth away with the power of a tiger.
But in the end, (or "But in the end...")
losing to the power of the demon."

So here I am now,
trying to be strong,
but in the end,
failing like all those before me.
All of the ones who were hidden away,
the sources of shame,
the "bad children."
I try to be strong,
but the light is long gone,
the shadows of home still stand in my heart,
and they can't be washed out.

I liked this stanza, there's not punctuation in my opinion to fix, yay~~~
I think you could have actually ended the poem here. It would be a very strong ending, but those are only my thoughts.

Just stop trying to force me to change,
I am never afraid!
my home still stands,
maybe far away,
but the number of miles doesn't matter anymore.
The number of miles doesn't matter to me,
because the shadows still stand in my soul.

I don't feel like this stanza works very well. You have almost a change in style? in the writing at the beginning. Because all throughout the poem you don't talk about not wanting to change, you talk about homes and demons, and so this is kind of sudden and don't really work.

One last thing I want to say, and you can take this whole review and rip it apart, but I just want to offer my advice, I think you should kind of flip-flop stanzas.

I think the poem would be nicer if read like this:

I don't know where I can hide away now.

My old home in the sunlight.
The place where childish dreams were not a source of scorn.
It faded away,
until the magnificence of the past was nothing but the past.

My old home in plain sight,
where I fit in like a normal little girl...
It was carried away by the clouds.

My old home in the tree I climbed
was so high I was almost flying.
Destroyed when an ignorant old fool cut down the tree,
the magical home of the childhood fairies.

Everywhere I tried to find a home,
I ended up destroying the hope of my friends.
I have no chance of belonging anywhere.

So I built my own home.
I thought I knew no one else was there.
I was so certain in my ignorance,
so certain, so I didn't turn around.
I didn't turn while I built my home,
the home hidden away in the shadows.
After I finished my home,
I finally turned.
I turned, expecting to see a lonely nothing,
and saw behind me the face of a true friend.

One year flew by,
faster than any other before it.
I needed,
still need,
to stay forever.
But the hands of a demon smashed my home and pulled me away,
pulled me away kicking and screaming,
fighting the truth away with the power of a tiger.
But in the end...
losing to the power of the demon.

But my home still stands,
even if far away...
The number of miles don't matter anymore.
The number of miles don't matter to me,
because the shadows still stand in my soul.

So here I am now,
trying to be strong,
but in the end,
failing like all those before me.
All of the ones who were hidden away,
the sources of shame,
the "bad children."
I try to be strong,
but the light is long gone,
the shadows of home still stand in my heart,
and they can't be washed out.

I think the poem would have worked better if read like this, but like I said, you don't have to read anything I just typed. I'm not trying to say your poem stunk and would be better if you did it like this, no, there are a thousand ways you could redo this poem and make it better than what I'm saying. All I am trying to say is that it's a good poem, but I think it needs a bit of editing and fixing and then it could be even better. That way it's more appealing to the readers.

You had a strong beginning, very good and set, but towards the end I think you're trying to say too much too quickly and it's coming out all jumbled.
I do this often to, when I want to say something, but don't know how to say it and then when I do it doesn't really fit in to the poem.

Sorry if I sounded like a complete b**ch throughout this whole thing, I don't mean to really. I did like the poem, a lot. I thought it was sad and good. And I really only like to review poems I think are good. I usually don't bother reviewing something I didn't like at all. But I thought the theme and the idea of this poem were very interesting and it makes me want to know what this poem was actually about. I think you did a good job. : )

(Oh, and sorry for any mistakes or errors in my post, I really don't want to go back and read through this again... Lol. And sorry that it's so long.)

I really really liked this poem! Its very. .well..poetic! The only thing Id have to say is that it doesnt nessesarilly flow very well.
Although, the story line is sortof sweet, and I can really feel the inspiration behind it.
Bravo!

~HopeisPeace

Just so you all know, I wrote this while I was half-asleep and just found out I was moving. Again.
I'm just going to point out that most of us don't do all of our best work in that state, though it is very good for ideas.