Take Me Darkness

Spoiler

well, here's another 'emo' poem i wrote long, long ago so, bare with me, i'm not so good at short poems, pleas, rip it apart

The tears fall from my face,
I have fallen from grace.
The anger, the fear, it eats me alive.
And every time I strive,
it bubbles up inside.
Every time I try to hide.
the way I feel,
this monster is real!
The more I run,
the more they shun.
Take me darkness,
into nothingness...

Ooh. Shivery. I have a few critiques for you.

The tears fall from my face,
I’ve fallen from grace. Typically when writing a poem you capitalize the first letter of each line. And it doesn't seem like you have enough syllables in this one.
The anger, the fear, it eats me alive. And with this one, it seems like too many syllables. This is a persistent error throughout the poem. I would recommend reading it aloud to yourself and altering lines so they sound natural and flow better.
And every time I strive,
it bubbles up inside.
Every time I try to hide.
the way I feel,
this monster is real!
The more I run,
the less is fun. Was it fun before? No forced rhymes, please.
Take me darkness,
into the nothingness...

This was a really good poem. Normally something like suicide is seen as incredibly cliche, but it almost doesn't seem like that in this one. Probably because it never actually says suicide. If you hadn't 'spoiled' it for me, I probably wouldn't even have seen it that way. This poem has layers of meaning that can be interpreted so many ways I would recommend removing your second spoiler altogether and let the reader figure things out on their own. Awesome.

nice! i love the first two lines "the tears fall from my face, I've fallen from grace" but u maybe shouldve made it "I have fallen from grace" to make the flow a lil better, but other than that i like it alot!! its eerie, and thats what i love about it. i would've liked it to be longer tho, but thats just me.

Hey:)
I like this - simple, but emotional. I see that you've already erased the forced rhyme, it became better now, though the last line with the

nothingness

is too long compared to the line before, it seems awkward. Also, maybe replace the "this monster" with "the monster"? Just a thought. Honestly, I like this, I've written a million of these eerie poems, but yours are very passionate. Keep up the good work!