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alabasterwolveness wrote:I walk along the darkness of the forest, keeping to its shadows. My long flowing hair follows after my every action. Could you add this to the sentence before it? "I walk along the darkness of the forest, my long hair flowing behind me, keeping to the shadows."My steps so are light and delicate, not trying to make any loud sounds or that would me the end of me.because any loud sounds would mean the end of me. I crouch, listening to the enemies’ soldiers only a few yards away. They keep mumbling about attacking the castle I come from. I narrow my oculars, almost letting out a growl. The soldiers turn just a bit, wondering if they had heard a growl of some sort.You say growl twice here, say something instead, like "The soldiers turn quiet in alarm, but soon return to their hushed mumbling." I slowly pull back, my anger (what anger?)getting to me once more (once more? not needed.)as it had done before. Then I hear it: ...(add in the colon instead of the comma) a long howl. I quickly turn my apex?, and then dash off into the lush foliage that was hidden by the darkness of the shadows. My ...of the shadows, (comma) my heart racing-- the howl was a signal for help." heart racing as the howl was a signal of help.
As I come up to the wolven ? that shouted the signal of help. This phrase is redundant, re-word it. He was being mauled by angles angels with bright alabaster wings. I jump out of the woods, tackling them to the ground. Their shock on their faces The shock on their faces must mean I changed into my demon blood wolf form. Either say "demon wolf" or "blood wolf" -- the whole "demon blood wolf form" thing is a mouthful.I clamp my pure ivories down upon their jugulars, shaking my apex wildly. Others of my kind join in, tearing the angles angels apart for their trespassing upon demon turf. A few minutes laterwe stop, our muzzles stained with their blood. I glance down upon the normal wolven; he shrinks back in fear as I and three other demon blood wolves stand over the helpless creature. Who is the helpless creature?
Other wolves from its pack come, shaking scared when they see us. I turn my apex, nodding towards the others to change back into our Demi-human forms. It only takes a split second; they just stare at us in shock. I walk over, letting them take in my scent, and then they knew who we were. We were the guardians of the demons. The others follow after me, our oculars could you just say eyes? haah so different from each other's.
“Don’t worry, we are here to save you all,” I say, gently petting the black wolf that stood in front of me. he lets me, his orbs still weary of me. I see this, knowing my place I back away slowly as I gave them a bow. The others follow my actions, then we all dash into the darkness of the shadows within the darken woods. Only our orbs can be seen through such darkness, almost as if they were glowing. We reach a den; it was sealed with a spell. sealed with a spell. The others look at me as I bit all of my fingers, pressing the blood to the seals hidden barrier. The blood made a way for us all to pass through, then closing not letting anything dare enter its walls.
“Death, be careful. You don’t know if any other demon could be within this palace walls,” Zeek says as he follows right behind me.
“I believe I know that Zeek, no need to tell the ruler of hell that. I can withstand on my own,” I growl, my anger towards the angles angels not lighting up at all lifted from earlier. The others grab his shoulder, shaking their apex.
“She’s still upset that the angles angels crossed into our terra, (our what?) let her be for a bit,” Rye whispers into his ear. Zeek nods, knowing full well of my anger. I walk into the underworld, my oculars turning back to their original colour of gold with a mix of red within them. My pure alabaster hair flows as I quicken my pace towards the kingdom, the giant doors opening as we approached them. The others follow close behind me, making sure I don’t attack others in my way from my anger.

alabasterwolveness wrote:I walk along the darkness of the forest, keeping to its shadows. My long flowing hair follows after my every action. My steps so light and delicate, not trying to make any loud sounds or that would me the end of me.

alabasterwolveness wrote:I crouch, listening to the enemies’ soldiers only a few yards away.

alabasterwolveness wrote:I narrow my oculars, almost letting out a growl.

alabasterwolveness wrote:I quickly turn my apex, and then dash off into the lush foliage that was hidden by the darkness of the shadows. My heart racing as the howl was a signal of help.

alabasterwolveness wrote:As I come up to the wolven that shouted the signal of help.

alabasterwolveness wrote:He was being mauled by angles with bright alabaster wings.

alabasterwolveness wrote:I Jjump out of the woods, tackling them to the ground.

alabasterwolveness wrote:Their shock on their faces must mean I changed into my demon blood wolf form.

alabasterwolveness wrote:Other wolves from its pack come, shaking scared when they see us.

alabasterwolveness wrote:“Don’t worry, we are here to save you all,” I say, gently petting the black wolf that stood in front of me.

alabasterwolveness wrote:He lets me, his orbs still weary of me. I see this, knowing my place I back away slowly as I gave them a bow.

alabasterwolveness wrote:The others look at me as I bite all of my fingers, pressing the blood to the seals hidden barrier.

alabasterwolveness wrote:The blood made a way for us all to pass through, then closing, not letting anything dare enter its walls.

alabasterwolveness wrote:Death, be careful. You don’t know if any other demon could be within this palace walls,” Zeek says as he follows right behind me.

alabasterwolveness wrote:My pure alabaster hair flows as I quicken my pace towards the kingdom, the giant doors opening as we approached them.