Rainbow (Chapter 2)

As I got my schedule, I decided to compare it with Rainee's. I had EVERY class with her! Oh great. How am I going to survive here? As I entered my first hour which was History. It took FOR EVER for the teacher to arrive. So, I decided to try to talk to Rainee again. "Hey Rainee, Remember me on the bus?" "Oh yea!" "Don't take this the wrong way but.. When did you become so nice?" I said puzzled.
"I'm always grumpy when I'm on the bus. I'm SO sorry.. Maybe you can sit with me and my friends at lunch?"
"I would LOVE to do that."
The teacher entered and lets just say she looked CRAZY. Her name was Mrs. Winterbottom. She kept on telling us about her orphan life. I hope all of my teachers weren't like that.
It turned out all my teachers weren't like that. As lunch arrived, I saw the cafeteria and it was ENORMOUS! There was no way that I was going to be able to find Rainee here. Luckily, she was near the front so I could find her easily. As I walked over, I immediately felt welcomed. "Hey," I said shyly. "Hey Rainbow! These are my friends Amelia and Penelope." They looked super nice just like Rainee. As we were talking, it turned out that we had a lot of things in common. For example, we all liked to see movie by ourselves. We also loved camps and campfires. I felt like this was going to be a great year.

Sorry again that this is really short. :/ Also, I apologize for not describing Mrs. Winterbottom that well. I will try to in my later pieces.

As I got my schedule, I decided to compare it with Rainee's. I had EVERY class with her! Oh great. How am I going to survive here? As I entered my first hour which was History. It took FOR EVER (You don't need caps)for the teacher to arrive. So, I decided to try to talk to Rainee again. "Hey Rainee, Remember me on the bus?" "Oh yea!" "Don't take this the wrong way but.. When did you become so nice?" I said puzzled.( It's really hard to tell whos talking here
"I'm always grumpy when I'm on the bus. I'm SO(You don't really need caps maybe likeso instead?) sorry.. Maybe you can sit with me and my friends at lunch?"
"I would LOVE to do that."Here too
The teacher entered and lets just say she looked CRAZY. Her name was Mrs. Winterbottom. She kept on telling us about her orphan life. I hope all of my teachers weren't like that.
It turned out all my teachers weren't like that.(You can describe the other teachers) As lunch arrived, I saw the cafeteria and it was ENORMOUS! There was no way that I was going to be able to find Rainee here. Luckily, she was near the front so I could find her easily. As I walked over, I immediately felt welcomed. "Hey," I said shyly. "Hey Rainbow! These are my friends Amelia and Penelope." They looked super nice just like Rainee. As we were talking, it turned out that we had a lot of things in common. For example, we all liked to see movie by ourselves. We also loved camps and campfires. I felt like this was going to be a great year.

Okay this is dasiamari here to review again. This is good but remember each speaker gets there own paragraph. It took me forever to learn that. You need to put up more at a time these aren't really chapters there half pages. This is really good though.

Thanks SO much for the critique. Hopefully it will help me in my other pieces.

Boo!

I'm here again! Okay, first off, I think this could be part of chapter one. I totally agree with diasamari, caps are not needed, if you really want to highlight those words write them in Italics. And like I told you before, you need spaces... I'm glad they're free cause otherwise I'd made you pay for them anyways.

Scarlet15 wrote:Oh, great. How am I going to survive here?

I assume this is what the main character was thinking back then, you should write it all in italics and separate it from the paragraph as if it where a dialog. And add the red comma.

~Solvy<3

Thanks for critiquing it again. :/ I feel bad that I made all of those mistakes.. -.-