A battle with an old friend

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Paul sat in his room, repeating silent prayers and holding his bible tight to his chest. He was not surprised when a voice he knew all too well sounded from behind him.

"That's useless you know."

Paul didn't turn around, and continued his prayer.

"You think that will do anything? You that that will change your situation? Why do you worship a God who would put you through this?"

"I love Him, and He loves me. There is no better reason," responded Paul, clutching his bible closer.

"Ha! Love? What you share with Isabella is love. All your God has ever done for you is taunt you with what you can't have. If you want happiness, reach out and take it."

"'it is better to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to be thrown into hell," Paul quoted to the man behind him.

"You're going to quote that old relic? It's a collection of fairy tales made by an ancient civilization. It's a useless old book that holds no weight in a modern society."

"It's the word of God, but then, you wouldn't know that would you? All you ever do is resist Him, what do you know of God?"

"You're so naive. It's not ignorance that dictates my resistance, but intelligence. You choose to sit here and pray, while you could be out enjoying life, like every other twenty year old out there. What good will prayer do anyway?"

Paul turned around to face the man, who was leaning against Paul's desk. The man's lavish Italian suit never ceased to amaze him.

"Prayer is my connection to God. Prayer is what makes me who I am. Prayer is what saves me from myself."

The man narrowed his calculating eyes and smiled knowingly. He sat down in the chair by Paul's computer, and visibly relaxed.

"If salvation was your goal, you've already failed. Aren't you forgetting a passage only a few lines before the one you just quoted? Jesus said himself that 'anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart'. How many times have you looked at Isabella in that way? How many times have you committed adultery with her in your heart? Face it Paul, you're not a good person, you're a sinner."

Paul felt his blood run cold, remembering all the times he had mentally envisioned undressing his girlfriend. He began to rub his hands together as he usually did when uncomfortable.

"I can still be saved! I just need to pray more. I just need to make things right. Those are small sins, God can forgive me for that."

The man noticed Paul's reaction and pressed his advantage.

"You're weak Paul. It's only a matter of time until you break and just give in. He isn't pleased with you Paul, so don't act like you're innocent. You sin daily, and most of the time don't even notice. If you aren't perfect, don't try to be. Just be who you are, and give in."

"No!" Paul shouted, horrified at the thought that part of him was agreeing with what the man had said. "Christ calls us to forgive each other for even the worst crimes. It would be hypocritical for Him not to do the same for us. I know I'm not perfect, but scripture tells me I can overcome that with God."

"Scripture? The bible is an outdated piece of ancient history. Why follow what it says? Why be a slave to God, when you could just do what would makes you happy? Really Paul, stop being childish and join the real world. Just have sex with the girl like every other normal guy in college would do. What is the worst thing that can happen if you make love to Isabella?"

"I would be betraying my God. I would be choosing pleasure over Him, and defying every commandment against sexual immorality."

"Immorality?" The man responded, "Who says what immorality is? Immorality is a fictitious concept, made up by organizations to control people. Look what your strict code of morals has done for the world. Think about everyone who died in the crusades and the Spanish inquisition, while Christians hunted down immorality. Think about all of the scientific progress that could have been made if people like Galileo hadn't been suppressed by Christians and their fake morality."

Paul turned away from the well dressed man before him and put his hand on his forehead. The man seemed so calm and collected. Paul felt outmatched, and part of him urged that he just give in, and forget this whole business of Christianity.

"That was the Catholic Church. I'm not a Catholic, I'm a Protestant."

The man laughed.
"That's your excuse? Ever heard of the Anabaptists? The Calvinists? Christian history is riddled with violence and corruption. Why listen to those who are obviously only interested in controlling you and your behavior?"

"That doesn't matter! I'm going to follow Christ whether people in the past have or not. I don't care how corrupt Christians have been, I can be better than them. I can overcome my sins with Christ's help," Said Paul, turning back to the man. Working up his courage, he stared right into his adversaries eyes. They were cold and emotionless, but at the same time had a terrifying intelligence to them.

"Can you?" he responded, "Even with your precious Christ, you are still weak. You will sleep with her eventually, and thus will seal your fate. Sinning is in your nature, and yet still you resist. Why do you do it? It's not going to help."

Paul sat for a moment on his bed, and looked down in deep thought. He was ready to make up his mind. He said a silent prayer, and felt The Holy Spirit fill him. He felt its warmth permeate his every cell, and knew that this was his moment of truth. Paul stood up, setting his bible gently on the bed. Once again, he looked the man directly in the eyes, but this time with a new confidence.

"He beat you."

"What are talking about?"

"Christ. He fought against you and won. He did what man cannot. He overcame sin."

"What's your point? Christ can do whatever the hell he wants, that doesn't change who you are."

"Yes it does!" Paul shouted joyously. "Christ died for me, and for every other sinner like me. You don't scare me, because you have no power over God. With The Lord as my savior, you can't touch me."

"Nonsense, I can do whatever I want."

"You're pathetic. Get the hell out of my dorm."

"I'll be back," said the man, biting his lip.

"I know. I'll be ready."

With that the man left, simply vanishing into thin air. Paul let out a sigh of relief, and laid back on his bed. He felt the joy of victory, and for the first time since he got to college, things made sense. He picked up his phone, speed dialed his girlfriend, and told her his plan to stay celibate until marriage. Afterwards, he said a prayer of thanks, and went to sleep feeling better than he ever had. Paul was reborn.
if anyone wants a review, post on my profile and I'll get to it in a couple days.




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Hello there. :)

I'll begin with nitpicks and then go on with my overall impression of your story.
"You think that will do anything? That it will change your situation? Why do you worship a God who would put you through this?"

"It is better to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to be thrown into hell," Paul quoted to the man behind him.

Why be a slave to God, when you could just do what would make you happy?

I can overcome my sins with Christ's help," said Paul, turning back to the man.

Overall, the plot was good. I like the whole fight between God and the Devil (if it was him). It's an old story, but you made your own and I liked that. You had a few mistakes, but they're just typos so correct them and you should be fine. :)

Sorry for the short review, there's just nothing to say... I've covered it all already. ;)

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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Hey, psudiname! :)

You've only got one review on this piece, so I thought I'd drop by and give you another. Once this review is done, if you have any questions about it, be sure to let me know by PMing me or whatever. I'll be more than happy to answer any questions that you may have.

Okay, so this was interesting. I think you made the right decision by having this only consist of dialogue really. I think it was effective for this particular story and it suited the whole thing very well. Like theotherone said, it's good how you turned a well known story into something of your own, and it was interesting to see your personal version of the whole 'The power of God can overcome anything' story. Your grammar and such is overall good and the story flowed nicely, and as far as I can remember, there weren't any awkward parts or anything. So yeah, a good job overall.

I can't help but feel a bit... lectured after this though. Some may class this as a good thing, but I don't personally like it. It almost feels like you were ranting at us guys through this story. I will admit that I am an atheist, but I can assure you that I'm not at all biased, so this isn't based on biased opinion or anything. You probably do want to teach us guys a lesson, but you need to be careful that you don't' overstep the mark. I often found that you were repeating some of your points too as though you were really trying to nail them into us. It just got a little unnerving at times, I suppose.

My only other critique for you is about the ending. It ended a bit too abruptly for my liking. Within the space of two sentences, you said how Paul called his girlfriend, then said a prayer, then fell asleep. I would have liked to see his call to his girlfriend because as it stands, just saying,

told her his plan to stay celibate until marriage


sounds a little odd. It instantly made me imagine him calling his girlfriend, and her answering the phone saying, hey, then Paul randomly saying, I'm going to stay celibate until marriage. Bye. then hanging up. xD I obviously doubt the conversation went like that, but still. If you don't want to show us the conversation because it'll stray away from the story or something, I think you could at least mention what his girlfriend's reaction was like. Was she happy to hear that he was willing to do that? or was she annoyed? I'd at least like to know that.

Negatives aside, I really did like the message of this poem, even if I'm not a follower of Christ myself. Also, although I'm not a Christian, I believe that the bible does teach some important messages, and you mentioned some of them here, so that was nice. A really nice job overall! :)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.



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