Dance!

4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 263
Reviews 48
We dance and swing
We do a twist
Our feet move quickly
The ground, they kiss

We waltz and twirl
A loop-dy-loop
Around the bend
In for a scoop

The floor is slick
We glide across
Our legs are soaring
Touched with gloss

Our foreheads glisten
In the night
Our lips curl upward
Faces of delight

Dancing is a thing of love
A winding road of joy
With movements flowing into art
What is there not to enjoy?
Have faith! With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?




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Gender Female
Points 7522
Reviews 229
Hi! This poem was upbeat and fun. I percieve that you have a keen love of dance, otherwise you wouldn't have written this poem. Unfortunately, I didn't feel any passion through your words. If you really love something, like dance, why not write about it emotively, and in that way, move your readers though your drive and commitment? This poem was good, but it was simple and perhaps boring. Thrust emotion and passion in your piece, make it into something serious and beautiful and emotive. That's my advice. But, Just my opinion. As regards what you've done, you're grammar was fine and the flow was nice and paced. Anyways, sorry if this was unhelpful...If you have any questions feel free to PM me
~ Alia




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1456
Reviews 126
this poem was lighthearted, but it was also light on punctuation too. Just because it's a poem doesn't mean it doesn't have punctuation, or that the first letter of every line needs to be capitalized, so fix that, and well, you'll have an outstanding poem. It was very enjoyable to read, keep it up. Keep Writing!
Flightplan 49




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Gender Female
Points 899
Reviews 6
This was super fun to read! It had a really nice rhythm to it, which a really added to the fact that it was about dance. It felt a bit like dancing while I was reading it, which was a lovely feeling. :)

That being said, the rhythm sort of fell for me in a few places.

"Our foreheads glisten
In the night
Our lips curl upward
Faces of delight"

This stanza is so good until it gets to that last line. It might just be the way I'm saying it, but "faces of delight" doesn't seem to flow as nicely as the rest of the poem. Maybe try a line with less syllables? The last line of the poem has the same problem, I believe.

But other than that, this was beautiful and fun! Again, I loved the feeling of dance you got when reading it. :)
“...Literature was the only religion her father practiced, when a book fell on the floor he kissed it, when he was done with a book he tried to give it away to someone who would love it."

-Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (Jonathon Safran Foer)



When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
— Eric Hoffer