Painting

A blank canvas
Waiting to be filled with dreams.
An array of colors
Alive, quivering in their jars.
A simple brush
to channel the spirit.
An imagination
burning with ideas.
With these
A heart is set free.

Hey Mello

I really enjoyed your poem I LOVE the imagery it really works I have a few little nit-picky comments to make though first

A blank canvas
Waiting to be filled with dreams.
An array of colors
Alive, quivering in their jars.
A simple brush
to channel the spirit. loved this line possibly my favorite one!
An The or My or Your These just all sound more natural here imagination
burning with ideas.
With these
A Again the or my or your sound more naturalheart is set free.

That was all of the nit-picks I could find Like I said before I really loved the imagery of you poem, I like the ideas behind it though I thought if you wanted to you could have definitely expanded and used more imagery to describe the brush and paints etc. Although I do like the simplicity as it is.

You may just want to watch the rhythm in places, because you had longer and shorter lines occasionally I had to re-read lines to get the rhythm straight so that could be a possible point to improve on.

Overall though I loved it. Great job!

Keep Writing,
Lydia

A simple brush
to channel the spirit.

Mello, I just found this line to be so true. Actually, I've just completed a painting of mine today! (You can see it here: http://15andframed.tumblr.com/) And I definitely can relate to your poem. I think it really captures the true art of painting, not the true art of a painting, but the true art of painting. Painting is something that releases true expression, emotion and a determined spirit. I felt you captured these so simply and well.

Great work!

Miyakko.

Hi! This poem is truly beautiful. It flowed brilliantly: you should be very proud of this work! In the way of nitpicks the other reviewers have already covered most of the mistakes I was going to point out, so I won't get bogged down with all that. Your grammar and punctuation was well and correct. All-in-all, a fantastically executed poem. It's a clear like from me!
~ Alia

I like ur poem the flow was easy,simple, and sweet. keep writing!!

This was not unlike a lovely painting, i know it's not about a painting but I can't help but see it (at least a little bit) that way. I actually don't know if I would change any of it, while the rhythm isn't perfect and precise I think it adds to the feeling (maybe that's just because my brain is a little off kilter).
This is my favorite part:

An array of colors
Alive, quivering in their jars.

It's lovely and so unique. There are so many different images conjured up by the thought of living, quivering colors!

All in all great job! Thanks for sharing and keep up the awesome work!

I love this!!!!!! Fellow fan of both painting and writing...how amazing!!! I think your poem is beautiful. It's how I feel about painting, too. Keep writing!!!

The descriptions were excellent. I kind of wish it was a bit longer, but, the ending was wonderful.

mellophone7 wrote:A blank canvas
Waiting to be filled with dreams.

I kind of wish you would have elaborated on how lonely, empty, bland, and DESPERATE the paper is to be filled.
I think desperate would be a more descriptive word than, "waiting."

mellophone7 wrote:An array of colors
Alive, quivering in their jars.

I LOVED this. So descriptive.

And, I'll just say one more time, keep the ending just like it is! It's beautiful.

First of all, can I just say how much I loved it? You created concrete, yet dreamy, images that brought me into the room with an idealized artist. It was both comprehensible and straightforward, while remaining beautiful.

The one critique I have comes at the end. Now, don't get me wrong, the ending is powerful. I just feel like it might be a little too understated. The first eight lines absolutely came alive for me, and the last two jerked me out of the mood. On a technical level, it might be because they're a little shorter, but I feel as if you could extend the imagery a little to finish a little stronger.

That said, you're clearly an accomplished poet and I deeply admire the poem. Keep writing--you're excellent.

I really like this poem it has a really great flow and has really strong imagery. Although short, in my opinion its very complete and really puts strong images in my head of the painting. I like how you personify colour in the line:

mellophone7 wrote:Alive, quivering in their jars.

I also love how you sort of tell a story and show how seemingly simple objects such a paintbrushes and canvases can create something magical. The only thing I would say I didn't like was how you begun most of the lines with a capital letter. I know that's the traditional rule, and it's only my opinion. For example the first two lines, I'm guessing our one sentence so when you start the next line it seems odd to me to begin it with a capital letter.

Overall I really liked this poem, it's beautifully written and shows you creativity and talents as a writer.

I think this is quite good - I'd like it to be a little longer perhaps, but the simplicity of it works as well.
Inspiring idea, and the ending line is perfect; reminds me of an Armitage ending, very snappy and sticks in your memory.