unkept secrets

Prolouge
My name is Violet Ames, im seventeen years old and ever since the day i was made my world revolved around three words caspers, whisperers, and santos. It all began with the whisperers, who we call the originals. At the age of seventeen Edward Hue, Noah Hue, Dalie Hue, and Maggie Hue two men and two woman who are a family of arch angels made their first breed of caspers' five hundred to be exact. Caspers live long, have super speed, super reflex, sharp sight and hearing, and are gifted with good looks. All in all we are bascially like vampires but without the the urge to drink blood and we are not sensitive to light. So why? Why did the four originals make a breedling of five hundred caspers and continued to do so every one hundred years? At the age of eight hundred and seventeen the whisperers took a break for eighty three years to gather all their power to make one last breeding. At the age of nine hundred the whisperers made the last breeding who consist of me and my friends. Well, we are said to be the last breeding. Now me and my friends are seventeen and the whisperers are nine hundred and seventeen and are designed to leave earth and enter the heavens at the age of nine hundred and twenty which is three years from now. All in all we were made to protect ourselves and humans from the santo's. They look and act normal to the human eyes but to us they are anything but that because we can see their interior which is ugly.
Since santos were made they have been after us caspers. We are tougher than them but we only have the population of three thousand-seven hundred and twenty three. We had four thousand but two hundred and seventy seven of us died during a battle against the santos one hundred-fifty years ago. There are currently one hundred-thousand santos but it takes at least five santos to take one casper down. They lay low and dont show themselves as much as we would like. Though they dont know how to kill us a secret that has been kept a secret even to us, we know how to kill them and believe me it is not easy. Santos are known to suck the souls of humans and even some caspers to make them tougher. If they were to consume too many souls they would go insane since the souls whisper in their ears which would cause their brain to rot which causes them to die. To survive santos put two piercings on their left brow which is closest to their brain and that makes the souls quiet down since they are not fond of metal. All caspers have to do is pull their piercings out and watch them go insane. From the time i was made til the day i turned fifteen i studied at the casper academy with no parents, and no family just me, my friends, and my professors. At the age of fifteen me and my fellow classmates got sent to a more advanced school called casper prestige where we learn the hard stuff and start on all the advanced training.
Little did i know that on my seventeenth birhtday and my last year at casper prestige everything was about to change, that all my friends and the people that i have grown to love were all in danger. As i grow, love, and learn i realize that everything that i was told to believe wasnt the whole truth. In the end not everyone comes out alive and my world is never the same again. This is my story

Hello, Vampire Academy! It's a pleasure.

Firstly, I would like to say that I admire how much you know about the world you have created. A lot of writers just make up the world as they go, but you seem to have the world established in your mind already. But I'm about to give you some advice about something, and I hope you heed it.

This is an info dump.

An info dump, to put simply, is a part of the story where massive parts of the plot are unloaded, often because the author wants to get to another, more exciting part of the story. This is a mistake! You have already given away so much of your plot. Where's the mystery? Where's the hook to keep us reading? What you have given us is an exerpt from a fictional textbook, and we read for pleasure, not for learning things that will never apply to our lives after one story.

Instead, start with the actual story. Don't give us long, dull explanations of the whole history, rather, sprinkle the history of your world throughout the plot. It will keep your readers on the edge of the seat, because they want to know what happened that your characters got this point. If you give it all away, your story loses the mystery factor. Also, if you start with some action, the reader is more inclined to be hooked. What's more intriguing, a conversation between two caspers about the fate of their kind, or a long drawn out exerpt from a text book? Balance is the key. Don't give too much away at a time just because you want to go some where else in a story, or don't give too little or the reader will get bored. It's difficult, but I know you can do it. I already see so much potential in this piece. I just want to read the actual story. I like your concept, now let's have some meat!

Keep writing,

Esther

i know the prolouge is a little information overload but i promise you guys it will get better and thnx ester

OMG! this is amazing you have some real skills keep up the good work.
overall:110/100

Prologue
My name is Violet Ames, I'm seventeen years old and ever since the day I was made my world revolved around three words: caspers, whisperers, and santos. It all began with the whisperers, who we call the originals. At the age of seventeen Edward Hue, Noah Hue, Dalie Hue, and Maggie Hue, two men and two woman who are a family of arch angels,

Spoiler

When you have commas for more than one purpose I believe you're supposed to use a semicolon for one of them, but I can't remember how that works right now...

made their first breed of caspers', five hundred to be exact. Caspers live long, have super speed, super reflexes, sharp sight and hearing, and are gifted with good looks.

Spoiler

You suddenly switch from talking about Caspers in third person to first person.

All in all we are bascially like vampires but without the the urge to drink blood and we are not sensitive to light. So why? Why did the four originals make a breedling of five hundred caspers and continued to do so every one hundred years? At the age of eight hundred and seventeen, the whisperers took a break for eighty-three years to gather all their power to make one last breeding. At the age of nine hundred the whisperers made the last breeding whowhich consists of me and my friends. Well, we are said to be the last breeding. Now me and my friends

Spoiler

Should be my friends and me, but in modern literature writers sometimes do that.

are seventeen and the whisperers are nine hundred and seventeen and are designed to leave earth and enter the heavens at the age of nine hundred and twenty which is three years from now.

Spoiler

Breaking up this sentence into two would be nice.

All in all we were made to protect ourselves and humans from the santo's. They look and act normal to the human eyes, but to us they are anything but that because we can see their interior which is ugly.

Spoiler

Would sound better phrased as ugly interior

Since santos were made, they have been after us caspers. We are tougher than them, but we only have the population of three thousand-seven hundred and twenty three. We had four thousand but two hundred and seventy seven of us died during a battle against the santos one hundred-fifty years ago. There are currently one hundred-thousand santos but it takes at least five santos to take one casper down. They lay low and don't show themselves as much as we would like. Though they don't know how to kill us a secret that has been kept a secret even to us, we know how to kill them and believe me it is not easy. Santos are known to suck the souls of humans and even some caspers to make them tougher. If they were to consume too many souls they would go insane since the souls whisper in their ears which would cause their brain to rot which causes them to die. To survive santos put two piercings on their left brow which is closest to their brain and that makes the souls quiet down since they are not fond of metal. All caspers have to do is pull their piercings out and watch them go insane. From the time Iwas made til the day Iturned fifteen Istudied at the casper academy with no parents, and no family just me, my friends, and my professors. At the age of fifteen me and my fellow classmates got sent to a more advanced school called [color=#FF0000]

Spoiler

Should be capitalized

casper prestige [/color]where we learn the hard stuff and start on all the advanced training.
Little did I know that on my seventeenth birhtdaybirthday and my last year at casper prestige, everything was about to change, that all my friends and the people that I have grown to love were all in danger. As Igrow, love, and learn I realize that everything that Iwas told to believe wasn't the whole truth. In the end not everyone willcomes out alive and my world is willnever be the same again. This is my story.

Other Nitpicks:
You are using Caspers, Whisperers, and Santos as races/ethnicities, right? Therefore, you have to capitalize them!
You need to capitalize school names too!
Also remember to capitalize your "i"s and place apotrophes in contractions!

It seems you have a good perception of your world. However, like Sylvester said, this is an info-dump. It's an overwhelming amount of information to take in. Although everything may be clear to you, as a reader I became slightly confused. Prologues are not completely necessary. You can incorporate all this info in small bursts throughout your story, assuming this is going to be a novel and all. Personally, I feel that this world is kind of small. There are only 3,723 Caspers, that's not a lot of people. There can be up to half a million people in a small city. Also, some sentences seem a bit cliche to me. Pretty vampire-creatures? And the "my world was about to never be the same again" line. Haven't we all heard this so many times? Try to be more unique with lines like these to make readers go "whoah! that was really cool how she phrased that!" or "I didn't expect that!" or even "I love this description! I want to read this over and over again!"

-Cress