The Clearest Vision
When I look at myself
In the cracked mirror of my heart
I can see the fragments
Of heartbreak and pain
And of a very lost girl
With no direction but down
Alleviation has never felt better
Than the beautiful river of red
Which drips from my wrist
To the tiled floor below
And peels back the surface of my heart
A blade had never been so pretty
So majestic or elegant
Than when it was being held in my hand
And pressed against warm flesh
To release the silent currents of suffering
And when I look at myself
I see that tall brunette
The one who is insecure about her body
And insecure about herself
That sometimes only a blade can cure it
Only that edge can take away the hurt
And that small bluebird in my soul
Which sings the songs of angst and anger
And grieves the boy I know is right
A longing that makes me reach
for the curse of my soul
And there are so many problems
Things that won’t go away
Dark catastrophes that only I suffer from
And only I know about
Because that way, I’m normal
And when I finally see myself
Clearly, from the eyes of others
I see a beautiful girl
Happy, smart and smiling
With no hidden conflicts
That tear her heart from the inside out
A strong young woman
Who shows not the pain
That is buried deep inside her
Longing for its silent escape
That comes with the price of blood
The scars on her wrist
Each one tells a story
They couldn’t even fathom if they knew
Because something like a fear catapulted her
Over the ledge of depression
And they can't see
The fragmented pieces of my heart
And how the secret to its repair
Was lost when it was first broken
In a procession of emotional bruises
Battered by internal conflict
The agony that drove me
To the brink of hell
Equipped only with that sharp blade
A first cut I revelled in
Because it lessened the pain of my contused soul
The pulling of my insides
Can only last for so long
Before finally one side wins
Then I’m torn in two
And more broken than I was before
So every now and then
When my silent tsunami is growing
The edge gets a feeding
And the overwhelming sensations
Slither back to the devil
But I still have the scars
I worked really hard on finding the write words for it. Thesaurus.com sure comes in handy - or else I'd never know what contused meant! Anyways, thanks. I'm glad - this poem is my love, and my favorite one too.
