Dragonmaster Chapter 9: Lichen's Hospitality

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I guess Victor was too cold and miserable to carry much of a grudge since he refused to mention the embarrassing incident that had happened after that night. Still, we were both cold and wet and my skin felt all soggy. We had no place to go since we’d left Cashmere behind the day before and Wayd was still many long muddy miles off. I was in a terrible temper after the whole ordeal with Victor and being drenched and cold made me even more on edge.
I pulled my cloak closer and yawned. We’d been walking for hours now in the complete darkness. No carriages were out and about this time of night, not to mention in such horrible weather. Besides, I thought glumly, they probably wouldn’t pick up two filthy boys anyways. I hadn’t had the guts to ask Victor if he could do some type of magic to shield us from the rain, and so continued to plod along miserably.
My thoughts turned to the hot springs and I knew I’d gladly spend the rest of my coins on a warm meal and a bath.
“Look.” It was the first time he’d spoken since I’d woken him so abruptly those long hours ago. I raised my head and saw a patch of yellow light. It was blurry in the rain but could be distinguished as a cottage window. I shook my head after the manner of a dog, spewing water droplets everywhere.
I followed Victor as we neared the house and he marched towards the old wooden door. The house was in desperate need of repair. Through the blackness of the night, I could see rags stuck in numerous cracks that adorned the brick walls. Victor stomped his feet on the doorstep to loosen the mud and I cautiously did so in the gravel walkway. He glanced at me as we prepared for the worst. Slowly, he lifted his shaking fist then pounded hard on the door.
A few minutes passed and nothing happened. He raised his fist once more and was about to pound again when the door creaked open slowly. The tip of a glistening silver sword slid out the door, pointing at Victor’s face and he let out a squeak. I leaned over to glance at the offender and laughed out loud. A small old lady stood there, her finger trembling on the swords handle.
Knowing we would have to show her we were harmless, I spoke while I shivered in the cold, my teeth chattering noisily.
“We won’t hurt you. If you want us to leave just say so and we’ll be on our way.” I spoke as calmly as I could as I concentrated on willing her to lower the potentially dangerous weapon gripped so tightly in her small shriveled fingers. Slowly she lowered her sword and peered over her huge spectacles at Victor.
“You aren’t any of that Gazenlag scum now are you?” she demanded tersely. Victor shook his head.
“No Ma’am, just two sodden travelers.” His teeth were chattering now.
“How many of you are there anyways?” Her voice shook and her gaze darted around nervously. Victor looked at me worriedly before facing the old lady once more.
“Only two of us, ma’am. If it isn’t too much trouble, could we maybe stay the night? If you have a barn that would be fine, we simply need shelter from this blasted rain.” He paused then continued before she could decide against it. “We can pay you money.” He knew that this was up to me since he had no silver to his name, but I didn’t really care, so long as it bought us a good night’s sleep.
Her eyes continued to dart nervously, but she must have felt less threatened for she backed away from the door and motioned us into her small house.
“You can stay the night I suppose, but money is useless to me. You boys will owe me a few favors in the morning you hear me?” We both nodded as we stepped into the warmth of her small home.
“I apologize if I scared you boys, there’s been small groups of young men traveling these roads looking for Gazenlag in hopes of the reward, stupid fools!” She paused to point at our muddy boots. “Leave those filthy things at the doorway, along with your cloaks and your top layers.” She turned and left us to peel off our clothes.
I was reluctant to set Valsephony down, since the binding spell was fading and she was faintly visible. The old lady took no notice of her though as she returned carrying a tray of two steaming mugs and beckoned for us to follow her. She seemed to be warming to us quickly.
The woman’s grey hair was tied up in a tight bun and I realized just how short she was as I followed her closely as she beckoned for us to follow her. As I examined her other features, tiny hands, pointed ears, patchwork dress and gold earrings I realized she was probably an elf. I’d never seen one before and thought they’d be smaller.
She ushered us into a small, brightly lit room. It was cozy and warm. There were three beds exhibiting hand-sewn quilts, plump pillows and night stands beside them, all crammed into the small room, with a doorway leading off into a bathroom.
“I won’t have you going to bed dirty now. There’s a bath in the other room full of clean water. Your Wizard can heat it if you don’t wish to bathe in cold water, but I couldn’t care less. Here is a bit of tea to warm you up. Pleasant dreams now, and don’t try to murder me in my sleep. You’ll have a dagger between your eyes before you could even tell what was happening!” She chuckled then closed the door behind her and a few moments later I heard her climb a set of stairs.
“Really sweet isn’t she?” I asked sarcastically as I picked up a clay mug and sipped the nectar sweet tea, feeling it trickle down into my once again empty stomach. Victor shrugged his shoulders and picked up the other mug slowly. After minutes of his slurping I looked up from my empty cup.
“Well? Are you going to heat the water or not?” He looked up at me, eyes glazed over.
“Oh. I hadn’t really thought about it . . .” He stood up and swept past me into the bathroom. He was gone for a full five minutes before the door opened and he passed me, taking up a chair across from me.
“You go first.”
I sighed in slight irritation, then rose to my bare feet and entered the tiled bathroom. It was colder than I expected and shivered as I undressed. I stuck a foot into the water waiting to be greeted by nice warm bath water. I jumped back as the shock ran up my leg and I let out a yelp of surprise.
“Victor! Why in the Kings name is the water so cold!” I shivered and grabbed a towel as Victor’s head peaked around the door. He looked sullen and I knew instantly the cold water hadn’t been a joke.
“I . . . I don’t really feel like using my magic right now if that’s alright with you.” He attempted a smile and I stared at him dumbstruck.
“S-so you’re just going to let me bathe in freezing cold water!?” I stammered, wondering if the rain had brain damaged him.
“I . . . Listen. I haven’t attempted to do any magic since the disaster at Regington and I don’t really feel like it tonight. Alright?” He sighed as I continued to stare at him, finally closing the door. This was great, just great! It didn’t help that my mood was at an all time low. I ripped the towel off and plunged into the shallow water, intent on getting this over as soon as possible. At least it was clean. I grabbed the used bar of soap and scrubbed forcefully hurrying to get this torture over as quickly as I could. The nerve of some people!



I crawled into bed, freezing cold and shivering harshly. At least the bed was slightly warm. The covers lay heavy across me, keeping my body heat near me. The room was dark and sleep welcomed me. I felt my eyes flutter close and I slept.




Someone was screaming. My eyes flashed open, sleep forgotten. An eerie wail carried through the silent house. It was coming from the basement.
I rose to my feet and crossed the floor quietly. A lump on the other bed revealed that Victor had finished his own bath and gone to bed. I opened the door and slipped out.
A fire blazed in the small hearth merrily flicking tongues of flame through the grate. I stepped across the room silently, the warm rug soft on my bare feet.
“And where are you going?” I froze as the old elf rose from a chair in front of the large fire. I was struck by how familiar she looked but I couldn’t place her with any name I knew.
“I . . . what was that noise?” I straightened my bent figure and glared down at the tiny person
“Oh. I’m sorry he woke you. Go back to bed. That was just my nephew in the basement. He often has nightmares.” She shooed me back into my room and I jumped into my bed, shivering once again.



A mini dragon crowed outside and I rolled over onto my face and stuffed the pillow over my head. I started to drift back to sleep when something heavy was thrown onto my back. I flipped over quickly and saw my traveling cloak lying clean and oiled on my bed alongside my clothes. Last night’s events played over in my mind but I decided not to mention it.
“Rise and shine men, you have work to do!” I saw the old elf and the word devil flashed across my mind until I suddenly remembered last night and became ashamed. I smelled food and looked around to find two bowls of simple porridge on the small night stands. I sat up and grabbed the bowl greedily but she reached out a quick hand and slapped me as she stuck her lip out.
“Prayer first!” She prodded Victor for a while and he didn’t stir until she finally held the steaming bowl of grains under his nose and he shot upright immediately, bidden by his growling stomach. I snickered and she turned and glared at me. Clasping her stocky arms tightly, she offered a short prayer, asking for the well-being of Victor and myself, along with a few other things. She nodded and left the room while Victor and I ate quickly.
It took me a while to convince myself to get out of bed and put on my stiff but nevertheless clean clothing. I stuffed Valsephony under the bed, hoping she’d be safe, and then led Victor out of the small house into the yard where the old lady was waiting for us. The storm from last night had passed and the sun was attempting to break through the cloud cover.
“Good.” She let out a grunt of satisfaction issuing for us to follow her towards a small tool shed. Once there she passed each of us a crumpled list and a tool, leaving us to ourselves. I glanced over the list and let out a soft groan; she’d given me the inside chores.
As the day wore on, both Victor and I working furiously to attend to the old woman’s needs, I realized we had paid for one night’s shelter with most of a day’s traveling. I knew it had been worth it though, and as we finally took a break to eat a meager lunch of bread and meat, I decided to confront the old elf whose name I had yet to place.
“What’s your name?” I asked conversationally.
She finished chewing her bit of meat before answering me.
“Lichen.”
The name didn’t ring a bell as I had hoped it would. She continued eating and I thought of something quickly to prevent the conversation from dying.
“Well, Lichen, thank you for the night’s stay. I hope we have done an okay job for you so far. . .” She nodded her head sharply and closed her eyes.
“You two are fine boys indeed. I am thankful for your willingness to do the things I asked.” She finished off her lunch and rose to her feet. “There is something I would like to give you before you leave.” She directed the statement at Victor and he flinched visibly. She left us and we sat in silence as we finished off the last two sandwiches.
“I wonder what it is?” I muttered and he shrugged his shoulders.
“Who knows?” To my irritation he stood and wiped the bread crumbs from his lap onto the floor I had just swept. He left the room and trudged up the stairs after Lichen. After a long space of waiting I decided to follow.
Lichen was in her bed room at the top of the stairs sitting on her heavily quilted bed. Victor was seated across from her on a wicker chair and talking quietly.
In Lichen’s hands she held a sword bejeweled by indigo colored crystals. She turned to me and offered the sword for me to examine. As I took the beautifully crafted sword I was shocked as warmth entered my hand.
Hello Brother.[/i[
I almost dropped her as I stared in wonderment. The voice that filled my mind was so similar to Valsephony’s I realized it had to be a Dragon forged sword.
“Her name is Keirra. You may have her if you wish.” My jaw dropped slightly and she continued. “It was originally a Wizard’s sword that is why I offered it to Victor here first, but since he is inexperienced with the art of such weapons I’ll allow you to take her.”
“I-I… I can’t…” I stammered out a rejection and sighed; I’d have to show her. “Hold on one minute.” Setting the sword down I left the room and descended the stairs, hefting up my bundle. I carried Valsephony up to Lichen’s room and pulled her from her sheath, causing both Victor and Lichen to gasp.
“But . . . how did you have a [i]sword
?!” Victor seemed a bit stunned but I wasn’t really paying him any attention. As I held Valsephony’s hilt I could sense… excitement. Did it have anything to do with Kierra?
“A binding spell,” I muttered, pulling away from Valsephony’s feelings. “I put one on her a few minutes before I met you the other day.”
Lichen rose to her feet and carefully fingered the blue stones of Kierra’s hilt and let out a soft sigh.
“Well, I guess there is nothing more I can offer you two.” She seemed a bit disappointed but led the way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She left us waiting as she descended into the dry room and came up carrying two parcels of provisions.
“Here you go, it’s all I can do for now. . .” She sighed and pressed a small bottle into my hand. “It should last a while.” I looked down and recognized it as a binding spell.
“Best keep that one hidden, Zavier.” How she knew my name I did not know. I was itching to get back out on the road once more before it grew dark again so I realized I would probably never know. I nodded and shoved Victor out of the door.
We waved to Lichen as we left her crumbling cottage behind. The wind was icy as it blew by us and the road was eerily silent; deprived of any passersby. My mind wandered freely in the silence that engulfed me as we walked onward. I had seen Lichen before; of that I was positive. She was oddly familiar, as if from a different life.
The nightly wail had frightened and entranced me deeply. Who did Lichen have hidden in her basement? My mind left this puzzling question and returned to thoughts of home. How were Daldiana and the others faring without me? Often I speculated turning around and going home to rescue them or attempt something heroic. I could never forgive myself if Father hurt them in any way. He had already tried to break my own spirit.
Finally Victor spoke, chasing the thoughts from my mind.

“Let’s find a place to sleep around here. These woods look like as good a place as any,” he announced drearily. I nodded realizing it was getting late, dusk was quickly approaching from the east and I didn’t fancy the idea of trying to find a suitable place to sleep in the dark.
Victor plunged into the bright-colored forest; the leaves were all oranges and yellows showing their fall colors. He turned suddenly and followed the edge of the forest, keeping the road in sight as not to get lost. After pushing through brambles and vines of every sort we finally found a small clearing that would suffice.
It took mere minutes to prepare camp but both of us were too exhausted to bother cooking anything, so I sufficed with a hard roll of bread Lichen had sent along.
“Good night, Victor,” I muttered, envious as I heard his soft snores nearby.
“Good night, Zavier.”







When I awoke this morning I knew not where I lay and was halfway through the day, merely following routine when I finally remembered who I was. I was scared. This has been allowed to go on too long, I must act. So tonight I leave Her. I will not return without Him. I fear I will wake and forget myself once again and have no idea how to return home. Then all hope for Us is lost, I fear.




Last edited by DakotaK on Tue Aug 02, 2011 5:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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I don't think its too boring =]. Anyway, the one scene I would improve on is the part where they have to show that they're harmless. It reminds me of this scene in one of my favorite movies, where this guy, who is played by Paul Giovanni, is wanting to know about this bed time story that he thinks is actually real, so he has to act like he's a child in order for this crazy chinese lady to tell him the story so he rocks back and forth and eats cookies and gets milk in his moustache. It's called Lady In The Water by the way, but thats sort of the vibe I got from it, that they have to act completely different than what they really are. I thought the chapter was intense and suspenseful at times.
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Hi Dakota,
Sorry I haven't had time to review your work yet, it's very long and will take me weeks (maybe months) to review all of it. (I've already read everything you've posted.) I love your writing tho, and I hope you continue to write more, please let me know when you post more of your story on Young Writers Society.
Your writing is very captivating, and you have your own very unique style, that keeps my eyes glued to the screen.
I just wanted to let you know that I'll get the reviews to you when I can, and not to be discouraged, because of the lack of reviews.
Eagerly waiting for the next chapter,
~Zanna Shepherd
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Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
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Still Stella!

I. NITPICKS

We had no place to go since we’d left Cashmere behind the day before and Wayd was still many long muddy miles off.


Wait, after all that they just went through Cashmere without any comment? Oh. I'm sad.

I hope we have done an okay job for you so far. . .” She nodded her head sharply and closed her eyes.


I try not to use ok/okay in fantasy anyway, but if you're going to, make sure you stick to one spelling.

II. CUTTING DOWN THE FLUFF

Okay. To be honest, after you talk about the nephew in the basement, none of the rest is necessary. Lichen seems so generous, surely she can let them stay the night for free rather than them staying behind. Victor discovering the sword, well, if the charm is wearing off, surely he'll find out sooner or later anyway? So you don't need that scene either? Honestly though, I didn't find much more fluff here than there's been in other chapters. I recognise though, that there's not a whole lot of the major plot arc here. Try and always thread that into whatever you're talking about.

III. OVERALL

It was an enjoyable read, but I think you could quite easily cut it down if you feel it's needed. I thought the bathwater scene would be really unnecessary but it appears to give us some beautiful insight into Victor, and I like that, so I'd keep that. But be harsh. It might be an idea to keep a draft with everything in and a draft with nothing but the bones in, and see what medium is best? That way you know what your fluff:non-fluff ratio should be. Everything should serve some sort of purpose though, whether it's building character or subplot. Don't just put it in for the sake of it.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
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Again, Stella pretty well covered everything I would have said, so I'll just point out some particular things that could be worked on.

Such as Zavier's reaction to Victor's refusal to warm the water. It struck me as being a bit of an overreaction. Now, if you were to spend more time establishing that the rain has gotten Zavier in a bad mood, made worse by how Victor was so difficult to wake up and that that made them even wetter and colder, then his overreaction wouldn't be so much an overreaction as a completely understandable result of his miserable mood.

Next is Lichen. While I can accept her unusual generosity without too much trouble (since most cultures have a history and tradition of treating travelers with utmost kindness), it is quite a bit at odds with her initial reaction to seeing Victor and Zavier at her door. Again, if you were to spend some time establishing why she was so uneasy, a brief conversation about some troubles with the neighbors or somesuch would do nicely, and then show her warming up to Zavier and Victor, it will make the rather dramatic change in her attitude much easier for your readers to accept since we will have seen the change in attitude ourselves.

It all goes back to showing us the characters' actions and the possible reasons for them, basically.

Overall, though, I don't think this chapter was all that fluffy. Maybe it's not as action-packed or plot-heavy as some others, but as I mentioned in my review on the previous chapter, sometimes scenes don't have to be. Building character is pretty important, and this chapter primarily does exactly that, especially Victor and his feelings on using magic since the destruction of his home. I actually think this chapter could use a bit more elaboration, as suggested above.

So yeah. Even if you didn't particularly like this chapter, I did. XD Then again, I've always read more for the characters (which you do have good ones) rather than the plot or premise, so I suppose that it's not surprising.
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Hi again! Time to take a look at chapter nine...

Specifics

1. Why would Victor be the one holding the grudge? It was your main character (I always forget his name, this is the trouble with first person) who should be all annoyed about getting wet and stuff and Victor's own fault for carrying stuff around marked as a cure all that has urine in or whatever. Plus, Victor seemed cheery enough at the time so your introductory paragraph feels a little off.

2. Some lovely dialogue going on with the old lady and some good descriptions so nice work there!

3. The bath is already full? Why? Was she going to have a wash herself or something? It seems odd that the bath would already have been filled.

4. The water still being cold wasn't unexpected but still earned you a smile so nicely done.

Overall

A really nice chapter. It's very easy going, interesting and it helps build character so you're ticking all of the boxes for me. I found it starnge that he felt the need to reveal his sword to be honest. I would have thought he'd just say the same as Victor, that he had no need for a blade and that way he wouldn't have to trust Lichen with the knowledge of his sword and risk her telling other travellers who might pass through. I also found it odd that she didn't ask them about where they were going or try to delay them. She lives alone, pretty far out it seems, so it can't be often that she finds strapping young boys to do her work for her. I don't understand why she doesn't try to get them to stay for just one more night and then you could have brought in more intrigue aout the nephew because you didn't really build on that enough to return to it at a later date. Which I'm sure is what you're planning to do.

Well I hope that helps somewhat!

Heather xxx
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