wonder, wander

Spoiler

okay. this poem is about a high schooler who arsonated because of a bet.
as a result, peoples die and she gets permanently injured. as you imagine,iit is hard on her. then she falls in to comma. she wakes up from it and recieve hug from her mother.

I feel. I see. I wonder, I wander
Unfamiliar place, Unfamiliar self.
Memories far beyond my grasp.
Flickering on and off,
smirking at all my attemts,
as I walk, clueless,
around this hell, the maze.

Flashes of them come and go,
teasing me, daring me.
To remember. Do I want to?
For horror it is, those pictures I see.
One, Not as gory as other,
though it's troubling as it could be.
Keeping me wondering,wandering.

Other contains great licking flames
and scream to shatter your soul.
This one contains plain white walls
and lines stuck to me, only hazy tangle.
So thinking, trying to remember,
alway wondering,wandering,
I spended months inside that maze.

one moment I opened my eyes.
I realized, that maze,those time
were merely mirror of the truth.
I learned that it was far more worse.
in this "coma" doctors call
for so long time, for days and month
I had hidden from all

"Poor child." I hear them say.
"With everlasting injuries".
What if they know I caused the fire,
simply wanting to belong?
Thinking it was just some bit juvenile act.
I clicked the lighter.
because what could go wrong?

My mother hugs me, tear falling down.
I am crippled,I brought it to myself.
Still,little hope dare to sugest.
If my mother dependable, big,
hold on to me forever,
never allowing wondering
or even little wandering

I might just possibly survive.

Hi there! Welcome to YWS, sueprin!

First off, I liked this poem. It's very powerful and tells a dramatic little story. Nice!

I feel. I see. I wonder, I wander.
Unfamiliar place, unfamiliar self.
Memories beyond my grasp,
flickering on and off,
smirking at all my attempts
as I walk, aimlessly
around this hell, the maze. I like this line a lot. I like the figurative language. Very nice.

Flashes of them come and go,
teasing me, daring me.
To remember. Do I want to? Right here, I don't know if you meant for To remmber. to be its own sentence or not, but I like it as its own sentence. It adds more feeling to it, I think.
For horror it is, those pictures I see.
One, not as gory as another,
though it's as troubling as it could be,
keeping me wondering, wandering. This stanza was pretty awesome in my opinion.

Others contains great licking flames
and sream to shatter your soul.
This one contains plain white walls
and lines stuck to me, only a hazy tangle.
So thinking, trying to remember,
always wondering, wandering,
spending months inside that maze. Referring back to the maze from the first stanza! Nice!

One moment I opened my eyes.
I realized, that maze,those times,
were merely a mirror of the truth. Switching the words around right there makes it flow a bit better.
I learned that it was far more worse. Putting the word more in this line is a bit redundant. Better to just take it out.
In this "coma" doctors call Nothing's wrong with the word coma, but it may look better if you italicize it instead of putting it in quotes, but that's just a suggestion.
for such long time, for days and months,
I had hid from all. had hid sounds sort of awkward. Maybe try was hidden? Again, just a suggestion.

"Poor child," I hear them say,
"with everlasting injuries." Since she hears them say that, it should be in quotes.
What if they know I caused the fire,
merely wanting to belong?
Thinking it merely bit a juvenile act. Right here, maybe try a word other than merely since you've used a few times already.
And I clicked the lighter. It flows better without and.
Because, what could ever go wrong? Again, flows better without that word.

My mother hugs me, tears falling down.
I am crippled.I brought it to myself.
Still, little hope ventures in suggesting,
if my mother, dependable, big, I really like your description right here.
could hold on to me forever,
never allowing wondering
or even a little wandering,

I might just possibly survive.

Awesome line, and great way to close out the poem!

Overall, I loved this poem! It was truly great. Just a few grammatical things and such, but nothing too major. Like I said earlier, it's very powerful and deep and such. You did very well with description and figurative language. The only thing that I noticed throughout the poem was you constantly referred to them, and you never really specified who them is. (Excuse my grammar ) Maybe add something in there explaining that? But if you don't want to, that's fine. A little mystery is always good.

Anyway, nice poem! Loooooved it! Just, work on the grammar, and, if you feel like it, take a look at my suggestions.

Good job, and keep it up!

-Emily

Thanks for the review! I never really got the concept of capitalizing and my poem is at "Oh god I better edit it before anyone sees it. I knew that writing when you are sleepy was a bad idea!" stage.