watching the monitors

Plugged in and hooked up to tubes
wires running underneath the skin
a puppet tied to the ends of strings
monitored in everything you do

I want to cut you loose
to build you a world of freedom
to see you laugh to breathe again
smile as the heavens move,

but suspended in the air you are
to cut your chains would be cruel
to watch you plummet and to fall
down from your castle to the earth

A strange angel never to see again
the machines they keep you functioning
cheating the laws of mortality
but failing to return you fleeing soul to your brain.

First off: Spelling Error:

but failing to return your fleeing soul to your brain.

Next: I'd suggest some punctuation, but don't count on me to help with that I'm no good with it...I usually just add it where it feels right to me.

Next next: My favorite line:

I want to cut you loose
to build you a world of freedom
to see you laugh to breathe again
smile as the heavens move

This piece is really comical to me in a way. You put a whole new spin on watching tv and the characters within. Then it seems to get a little tragic toward the end, but it's a strong ending! Very Brilliant!! Keep up the fantabulous work!

HEYY! I said I would review, and here I am!

Plugged in and hooked up to tubes,
Wires running underneath theyourskin,
a puppet tied to the ends of strings
nice imaginary! I love it!
monitering ineverything you do,
I want to cut you loose,
To build you a world of freedom
To see you laugh to breathe again.
smile as the heavens move,
But suspended in the air you are,
to cut your chains would be cruel.
To watch you plummet and tofall,
down from your castle to the earth.
A strange angel never to see again,
The machines theykeep you functioning.
Cheating the laws of mortality.
but failing to return you fleeing soul to your brain.
VERY NICE CLOSING!

I thought this poem had very nice imaginary. Some places there were words that didn't need to be there, but thats normal. Overall I really enjoyed this poem!