Dragonmaster Chapter 7: Princess Sorena

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We were back on the road and my legs were aching. I’d decided not to mention the dream to Victor for some unknown reason and chose to forget the whole incident myself.
Cashmere was the next town we were destined for. The sun was high in the west but hidden behind low-lying storm clouds which I feared would soon drench us.
“Zavier.”
I glanced over at Victor. He was staring intently at the road but I could tell something was bothering him, worry clouding his expression.
“Yeah? What?” I asked, looking him in the eye for the briefest of seconds.
“Did I ever tell you why I chose to come along with you?”
I shook my head, placing my feet mechanically in front of each other.
“Nope. You never did. You seemed kind of lonely and like a worthy traveling companion so I thought you might like to come along.” I paused and looked at the tall wizard beside me. “Was there any more of a reason than that?”
He nodded slowly, his hair stirring in the slight breeze that swirled about us, the taste of a nearing winter on its breath.
“When I saw you come over to that pool and get in, your towel still on may I remind you, I had this weird feeling about you. You know, like when you see royalty disguised, somehow you can still tell they’re royalty. It was that kind of feeling...” He laughed. “I’m not making any sense am I?” he sighed, obviously frustrated.
I smiled. I hadn’t seen many royal people before so I couldn’t relate but I got what he was trying to explain.
“Just keep on going. I think I get your point, though I’m warning you I don’t have a royal bone in my body.”
He nodded, smiling. “I could sense that you were special, different in some way than all the commoners filling the Moorlands. I felt destiny calling and thought something interesting might become of us, so decided I might stick around for a while. . .
“It still hasn’t been very interesting yet. . .” he added, glancing at me, humor filling his face. I smiled at his complaint.
“Well, Victor, you are one weird guy, saying I’m special and all. I have a hard time believing all that rubbish.”
Victor nodded. “Well when you save the Diamond Rhombus or something later on in life don’t say I didn’t warn you. Besides, you’re a nice person to have as a traveling companion. I’m not disappointed that I got hitched onto this dull journey of yours.”
I sighed, shoving him over. He regained balance and I winked at him when he glared at me.
“Believe me, Victor; things are just getting warmed up. The second my father hires hunters and their bloodhounds you’ll be wishing you’d never messed with me.”
He shrugged.
“At least it’d be interesting.”




It was late afternoon as we trod onward, when the soft squeaking of the new leather of a unicorn harness and the bump of wooden wheels on the gravel alerted us that a cart was behind us. Already three had rushed by us without so much as slowing down so I didn’t turn to look; I didn’t care. Victor nudged me and I glanced over at him. He was taller than me; though most of his height was in his legs, so he had an easier time of all this walking.
“That’s a Royal Carriage back there,” he hissed. His eyes widened and he glared at me but I didn’t really know what he expected me to do.
“So? What about it?” I asked, watching as his face turned to an expression of shock.
“We should stop and bow when they pass, if we don’t want them to pull over and whip us! That’s what!” he explained, obviously startled by my ignorance.
I nodded and we traveled to the side of the road. The carriage drew nearer then slowed as they passed us. I bowed low, not wanting to be stalled in our journey to Cashmere.
I looked up and the carriage still stood there, only it was now at a complete standstill; they’d stopped. I looked over at Victor and felt like an idiot. He’d stood back up after a quick bow to the carriage. I rose and smoothed my clothes down in embarrassment before peering at the carriage.
It was an enclosed carriage, rich colored purple paint covered most of it, accented by the bright yellow as it laced down the sides after the fashion of a vine. Purple silk curtains covered the windows, embroidered using gold thread.
The silk shades parted and a beautiful girl sat peering out from behind them. She had bright blond hair roped up into braids which had been wrapped expertly around her head. Her pretty blue eyes shone brightly with keen interest as she smiled down at us.
Her smile widened as she waved at us to come towards her. Victor, who showed no reservation at all, sped quickly towards the palace carriage and I reluctantly followed behind him. Obviously he’d been around girls from where he’d come from. Not all girls were tom boys like my sisters so I was often shy of them.
“Good afternoon.” Her voice was soft and high like a song birds and I almost wished I could hear her sing, but here was royalty, and me, just a poor farm boy. “Where might you two be traveling this cloudy day?” She tilted her head like a cat in a questioning manner and I looked away; Victor was the spokesman here.
“We’re traveling to Cashmere, My Lady.” He bowed again.
“Oh! But that is so far!” Her brow creased in concern as her eyes widened almost comically and I wanted to laugh. It was around fifteen miles from where we stood. We’d already traveled many slow miles that day and I observed with longing, the plush interior of her carriage.
“Then you must come with me. The Unicorns are fresh and it won’t be any trouble at all.” I was sure I was just imagining her silver painted lips moving to form those words, but Victor bowed and spoke.
“Your Highness, that is very kind but we couldn’t possibly accept such a gracious offer.” He rose and glanced at me. I wanted to hit him. Pass up an offer that good? My feet were killing me! I bowed at his subtle hint and caught the girl watching me.
“Yes, My Lady, it is not proper to allow mere commoners into your carriage.” The driver and royal escort stated in a bored tone, obviously impatient to get going again.
The girl’s face turned scarlet from indignation and she glared up at the black haired man who had spoken. “I don’t care what’s proper, but what is right!” She smiled at us and motioned for us to go around to the other side. Victor bowed low, followed by me, before we rose and went around to the other side.
“Not inside the carriage, My Lady!” The driver had jumped down and was blocking the doorway.
“And what is wrong with that?! You don’t expect them to ride up there among the baggage, do you!?” she demanded tartly. The driver sighed-exasperated-and gave up. He glared at us before reluctantly moving out of the way and opening the door.
“And don’t you two even think about any funny business or I will have you thrown into prison before you can blink!”
Victor climbed up the three small steps into the carriage and I followed suit, uncomfortable as the guard glared at me.
He shoved the door closed behind us and I sat down on the side opposite the seat that Sorena sat on; as far away from her as the close quarters allowed. Victor sat directly in front of her, though; a huge grin on his face.
The first drops of rain spluttered atop the carriage and I was relieved that we didn’t have to walk in it.
I heard the driver grumbling before he clicked his tongue to the white unicorns and flicked his whip harshly.
Victor let out a grunt of surprise and even though he attempted to stop himself, he was unsuccessful and the jolt of the carriage threw him forward into the girls lap. He quickly stood and took a seat beside her.
The carriage lurched to a halt. The driver had stopped at once when he’d heard the thump Victor had caused and shouted down to us.
“What was that!? Sorena, are you alright?!” He demanded.
Sorena let out a soft carefree laugh and waved the fretful driver on.
“Of course, Henry, It’s just your reckless driving bumping us all around in here!”
There was an indignant Hmph! then we started off once more as the angered driver whipped the Unicorns and they startled forward again.
The girl wasted no time in starting up a conversation. “I’m Princess Sorena of Gladeorz.” She blushed slightly at our stunned looks. A [i[princess[/i]!? Sheesh, how had she ever talked me in here?
“Wow, a princess,” Victor echoed my thoughts as he stared at Sorena in wonder.
She waved her hand carelessly. “Princess, Lady in Waiting, commoner, servant, who cares? We’re all just girls at heart.” I recognized the rebellious tom boy spirit encompassing this beautiful princess at once and relaxed.
“My father, the King, is making an allegiance to your King, Dimitri and I am to marry the Prince in a few years time.” She hurried onward with the conversation.
Victor seemed to relax too and in no time the Princess and Victor started up a hearty conversation about magic. I felt slightly excluded from the conversation but didn’t care. As the soggy landscape passed by outside and Victor and Sorena chatted on, I just relaxed and rested, enjoying this once in a lifetime experience of riding in a royal carriage.
I was lost in thought, my mind on Furnace and Ember, and the dream I had dreamt, when I saw the Princess unroll a piece of paper and it caught my full attention.
“I am to marry this Prince Henley of yours only if these two girls aren’t found soon.” I gasped as she unfurled the paper and I saw them. The two girls from my dream were etched there. Granted they were a good five or six years younger in the picture but definitely the same girls.
“If they are found, I’ll be sent home and my brother will marry one of these two girls and your Prince the other.” She explained matter-of-factly.
“Where . . . who are they?” I asked, causing Sorena to jump.
“Oh! You startled me...” She placed a gloved hand over her mouth and her cheeks glowed. She blushed easily.
I squirmed in my seat. “My apologies . . . M’Lady.”
She nodded, a smile playing in her eyes. “They are the daughters of a very powerful Witch named Katharine and the Wizard Gazenlag. It’s rumored that six years ago the King tried to take them from Katharine by force. They were nine years old at the time. When he arrived at the house they captured the mother who is now said to be locked in the castle. The girl’s bodies were found dead in the house. Killed by their own mother-”
“But then why is he still searching for them?!” I interrupted.
She laughed and I blushed as Victor glared at me.
“Silly! If you just listen I will tell you!
“Anyhow they were thought dead but their bodies were preserved. When Gazenlag returned to the castle he asked to observe the bodies. After studying them he told the king that their bodies had been killed but not their souls.” Sorena paused, obviously enjoying the fact that she had our full attention hanging on her every word.
“No one really understands. He says it was a complex spell that Katharine cast on them.” Victor nodded.
“Any spell involving the actual soul of a being is quite intricate, not to mention dangerous.” Victor explained. “We were forbidden at the academy to learn of such things but it didn’t stop me from trying.” Victor chuckled sadly remembering the blissful days before his school had been destroyed.
Sorena looked impressed. “It is said that their souls might be residing in trees, plants, maybe even humans or animals if the spell was strong enough.” She shivered, and I understood why. Trying to live stuck as something else? “He figures that by now the spell would have worn off and that since they both had immense power within them, they would have been able to created new, fifteen year old bodies for themselves.”
So the girls in my dream? If Sorena was right, they were the two girls on the poster yet older, so they’d been able to pull it off, to create new bodies.
Sorena shrugged. “I don’t understand really, it’s all far too complex,” she finished, tucking a loose golden curl behind her ear. She started to say something more but Henrys’ holler cut her off.
“Here we are, men, Cashmere!” He jumped down and practically dragged us from the carriage. Victor and I turned as Henry pounced at the wagon, leaving us standing there, slightly stunned. Sorena leaned out.
“Oh, but I didn’t catch your names!” Henry slammed the door in her face and hopped into the driver seat. She leaned out the window and Victor managed to yell at her as they drove off.
“Victor and Zavier!” I knew she probably didn’t hear him but it didn’t matter anyhow. We’d probably never see her again. “Man!” Victor slapped his thighs and I saw a smile spread across his face.
“What?” I shoved him over playfully and he shoved back.
“You don’t meet a girl like that every day!” He looked like a love struck colt and I wanted to slap him.
“You should meet Dal. You’d love her.” I didn’t realize my wording until a little bit later and decided not to take them back. He probably would like her. We pushed and shoved each other playfully all the way to the forests edge and found a clearing to sleep in. I knew what Victor’s mind would be on so I remained silent and left him to himself. I had a lot to think about myself. Was it really true about the two Witches? I shuddered and tucked myself into the cloak. I fell to sleep slowly once again, my mind filled with those two mysterious faces.








He has been told of Them and now that is all He can think of. This is a grave and serious dilemma. I wish he would clear His mind of Them so I could reach him but He refuses. He needs to know of Us, and vanquish Them. She left me alone for the first time since the Beginning, today. She returned and ignored me the whole rest of the day. It is Her punishment for yesterday I am sure but still, it only tells of Her hardened heart and the days which grow ever shorter still. And yet He still does not come and slowly... we are dying.




Last edited by DakotaK on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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I'm working my way back through all of these trying to leave comments. I read all of the ones that were in the category and its quite a handful, haha =]. No worries. Lets see... in this one I think you really captured How they're talking. You don't just say Victor said and Zavier said, you used hissed and whispered and a whole bunch of descriptive words that really let us know how they're feeling. Nicely done on this one =]
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Hey Dakota! Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

“Zavier.” I looked over at Victor. He was looking forward at the road but I could tell something was on his mind as he took a moment to glance over at me.
“Yeah? What?” I asked, looking him in the eye for the briefest of seconds.
“Did I ever tell you why I chose to come along with you?” I shook my head, placing my feet mechanically in front of each other.


I think that the paragraphing here is a little confusing. The action should go with the speaker.

You know, like when you see royalty disguised, somehow you can still tell they’re royalty.


Does this happen often in his life?
“What was that!? Sorena, are you ok?!” Sorena let out a soft carefree laugh and waved the fretful driver on.


They say okay in your world? Also, is there a reason he's suddenly using her first name?

He has been told of Them and now that is all He can think of.


they are all?

II. OVERALL

I actually really enjoyed this. Why haven't I read earlier chapters? *hits self* Your dialogue goes from extremes though. In the beginning with just the two lads it's wonderful natural banter. With the princess it seems wooden. Of course dialogue is great for explanations. But that's just it. Make it into a full blown explanation with interruptions. Remember always that no matter what it's trying to achieve, dialogue should mimic normal conversation. And people in real life tend not to speak in paragraphs.

That would be my main problem. Your style's very compelling and (thank goodness) your grammar etc. is all in perfect order!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
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Thank you so much for the reviews, you helped me a lot Stella. I went back and brushed things up a bit:)
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

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Stella pretty much nailed everything, so I don't have much to say. XD So just consider me seconding everything she pointed out, especially the Princess' dialogue. It could do with some more interruptions and interactions between the characters. In particular, Victor, with his knowledge about magic, would be perfect for the purpose as he could interrupt Sorena to ask for specifics and possible techniques used, as well as positing such on his own.

In any case, the explanation of the girls was interesting, but at the same time, the short scene at the end had me wondering why Sorena's explanation was relevant since the short scene basically tells us that her explanation is wrong. Something you might consider doing is providing multiple explanations for the same event and not making it clear which one is the correct one. It can be fun for your readers to figure out which of the explanations (or which parts if you want to get really tricky) are the truth and which are not, which means your readers are more actively engaged by and with your story.

Actively engaging your readers throughout a story is a great way to keep them reading and enjoying your story, not to mention it will also make it more memorable to them long after they have finished it.
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I think I shall make this my last review for the day :)

We were back on the road and my legs were aching. I’d decided not to mention the dream to Victor for some unknown reason and chose to forget the whole incident myself.
[Never say for some unknown reason. There's always a reason! Often there are lost of reasons, maybe because he feels like it was crazy, maybe because he feels special that it happened to him or just plain stupid for even thinking it could be real. But there is a reason.]

Some really nice dialogue going on between Victor and Zavier in that first scene, good work!

Alright so a nice chapter overall, though the scenes with the princess did seem rather info dumpy and a bit stale. There wasn't quite the same flow as the earlier dialogue and I think it's because you were forcing yourself to give us more information. Relax. There's plenty of time for us to learn what we need to know and I'd rather be a little confused and enjoy the ride, than know everything and be getting bored.

Thankfully I'm not yet bored though. Most of the time this flows well and it makes for a nice chapter. Well then, I'll see you later for reviews on the others!

Heather xxx
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