The Grey Place

The world doesn't just fade out,
it just switches into the black,
until the colours and shapes start to take on forms and they vaguely make sense,
it's a place i've been before,
twice,
I think,
the platform at Newark station,
but this time it's empty,
the image swims in my head,
solidifying,
I begin to wonder,
what happens next?
It's easy to see why my subconscious has brought me here,
there are some vivid memories,
key moments and occurances,
this is the place that was the starting point,
or turning point,
for thoses journeys,

it's a bleak place really,
it seems saturated,
lacking in life,
the platform is grey the sky is grey,
even the bright red on the vending machine looks washed out,
neglected,
here in this sleep world the lines are sharper,
the details more obsure,
and the shadows grow darker,
I don't question the abscense of people,
there's no reason why I should,
this situation isn't real,
but it is silent,
the tannoy is dead,
the lights are all dark and everytime I revisit this place I seem to forget,
that I always picture a scene without people,
there must be a reason,
but whatever it is,
it's buried in a cupboard in my mind,
still waiting for me to find it.

Ahoy.

I don't do much poetry reviewing, generally, so pardon me if I'm a bit unpracticed.

The world doesn't just fade out,
it just switches into the black,
until the colours and shapes start to take on forms and they vaguely make sense,

Neat concept here, but you contradict yourself by saying "until." See, "until" implies that it is a fade, something gradual, a process--but you just said that it was sudden and that the world just "switches" rather than fading out. So we've got a contradiction, and I don't think it's a good one. Also, I'd make the comma after "sense" into a period, but that's up to you I suppose.

it's a place i've been before,

Is there a reason why this i isn't capitalized and all the other ones in the poem are?

the image swims in my head,

This is a rather cliché way of wording it, so it doesn't really mean anything to me when I read it. I think you could come up with something more original. ;]

for thoses journeys,

it's a bleak place really,

I'd make the comma after "journeys" into a period, and capitalize "it's."

it's a bleak place really,
it seems saturated,
lacking in life,

Again, you have a weird contradiction going on here. The word "saturated" doesn't make me think of something that's lacking in... anything. Remember that the individual words you use have a pretty big effect on the overall impression that the poem gives. I'd rather you show us that it's lacking in life with your language than use whatever language you like and then tell us that it's lacking in life.

here in this sleep world the lines are sharper,
the details more obsure,

Here, again, you have that contradiction--but here I actually think it works. It's confusing, yes, but I think it's supposed to be--it feels dream-like.

All in all, I think this poem's got potential--I like the way you've gone about it, describing a dreamplace and exploring it with words. I think it would be lovely if you could make some of your descriptions more vague, more dreamy--right now I feel like you're trying to describe something very abstract, but you're using very specific language, so that's counter-productive. Something I'm discovering by dabbling in poetry is that the specificity and connotations of words are just as (if not more) important than their actual meanings, since that helps create an impression. For this poem, I'd suggest using more vague language to make the poem feel more surreal.

I hope this helps somewhat!

a

Hi there! So, this is an okay poem. It does have a dream-like feel to it, which was your goal. It gives me a good mental picture of a foggy grey station. However, it has a lot of problem areas.

First, punctuation. Make sure to use it! I absolutely hate improper punctuation, and this poem is riddled with it.

Net, you need to tie this all together. It seems very disjointed. I see the image you're painting, but you're describing it in a choppy, oddly worded way. You need to make it flow, make it eloquent and nice.

Overall, this isn't a bad poem. You have some lovely imagery and some good surreal ideas. However, it needs basic grammar work and connection. Keep writing!

-Tori

I I loved it a lot. I thought it was really good