The laughter
Bounces off
The closed doors
Of the school.
The laughter fills
Her brain
With the words
Thatisare wrapped into it. Right here, since the word "words" is plural, the word "are" is more appropriate to use than "is" .
“You are nothing,”
“Your grades will never go up,”
The tears carry
The last of her self-esteem. Add a dash right there.
She is too big
To notice
The people that stand by
Wanting to do something,
But they know.
They know
Not
What
To
Do
At home.
It’s the same thing.
“Maybe you should go on a diet?”
“I am not saying you are fat,” Right here, Maybe try making the words into contractions? Since it's supposed to be speech, contractions are more realistic. Just a suggestion though.
“Maybe it will help your breathing for when you do track?”
She obeys the rules.
She tries the diets.
She takes out
The bags
Of chips
That occupy her drawers. The subject-verb agreement is off here too.
She puts her spending money
Away in anA not an since it's referring to "piggy" which starts with a consonant.
Piggy bank.
She listens to
The congratulations
As her weight shifts
From fat
To unbelievably
Skinny.
She is popular.
On the track team, no
Running, becomes easier
When your hair
Is the only thing jiggling? This part right here confuses me just a little. Just, the wording or something or this particular sentence or whatever it's called. Maybe reword it or something?
But no one sees
All of the food
She actually wastes.
No one sees
How she forces herself
To release
The only thing
That had ever made her happy.
No one sees
The way she is unsure
About her new form-
How she was more comfortable
When diets
Were only learned about
In health class,
But no one cares
About her opinion.
They like her better
When they can walk beside her,
Not around her.
The tears shecrycries
Are for herself,
Her inner her,
Her inner fat.
Being suffered This is worded awkwardly. Maybe change it to suffering by itself as its own line?
And being skinny
Is being pretty
To her parents,
Andtoher friends,
Andtothe whole world. Repeating to isn't necessary, but keep it if you like.
So now
She tries to except it. It should be accept.
She tries to force up
The food
To make herself a little
Lighter,
To make the hallways
Breathe when she skips
Down them,
To make her friendsToAndmakeher parents,
Take her out
Shopping
Again,
But
Most
Of
All,
To make the world
Smile
Up
At
Her.
And what has she gained
From the lies
Of the mirror
And her friends?
She has gained
Nothing.