Last Stand

Spoiler

Okay, this is aimed more for emotion and images, not understanding. It is about the main character in my book Freshly Fallen at the climax. I will admit this is the first poem I am brave enough to post because I admittedly am horrific at poetry. I just wanted to post it because it needed to get out there. The rhyming is mediocre and kind of off.

A splash of crimson stains the ground,

Two drops fall soon after.

Drops of life, once safe and sound

Now fall from the rafters.

They'd come in masses once they found,

Where she lies with her own bitter laughter.

Her heart was faint, but began to pound.

The Morningstar stands, protecting her from capture.

So tender his touch, 'They are here my love, outside they surround.'

Out the two run, their last stand against Master-

And a splash of crimson stains the ground

I loved the imagery. That's the first thing that caught me. I like how you expressed the emotions through imagery and it makes me intrigued to read your story. Heehee I may now since it sounds interesting.

I wouldn't worry about rhyming because not all poems need to rhyme. I'd work on punctuation at the end of every phrase and grammar. There was one: lay should be lies, that one bothered me. Other than that, good job! I hope to read more of your work and good job! It's not as horrific as you think.

Thank you! And I corrected it, I'll check with the punctuation and whatnot.

Wow....
What emotion and collapse. A perfect and slow drama that kept my heart pounding and at the same time sane and focused. Though a bit cut short, I felt grace and fear at the same time. You, miss, a have a devilish tongue, having able to write a Gothic themed poem within a slow dramatic sequence.

Love the header/footer technique too!

Kudos to you, Renn! You reviewed my work last April, great advice! Thanks, I'll be writing a better next time.

This is really great.

Although you weren't aiming for understanding also I understood it perfectly. And it was wonderful.
Your emotion and imagery was really great and if all your poems are even somewhat like this you should totally post them!

The only thing you could use is some punctuation at the end of each stanza. It doesn't have to be every one but you do need it.
Otherwise this poem is great!

Keep writing,
Alzora

Again, thank you all! This is way better reception than I thought I'd receive. I'll go back and add punctuation and whatnot, and maybe wrestle with my other poems to get them on here. :*)