The Panic Attacks

Alone, truely alone
Tragically awaiting the nonexistant end
Oh, immortal vexation
Just stop it, oh, stop it
Stop wasting me away as I descend

Lower, into the abyss
Desperately grasping at anything that stands
Oh, frustration
Do disappear, be gone!
I can see past both your dirty hands

Uncertainty, the chill
Cascading into the fear that is so familiar
Oh, disperse!
I say, and say again,
No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Clinging to threaded dreams
Gasping at bursting seams
Invading while I sleep
Please Lord, let me be

Determination, the key
Keep my mind above the crashing waves
Oh, chilling fear
That's enough, too much
I'm stepping forward as the deception stays.

Aspirations, the view calming
Wonderful evasion as my heart does soothe
Oh, inspiration
How you, you do
Saturate my fears in the unwavering truth.

Enough, this is the end
The invisible grip across my chest is relinquished
Oh, glory salvation
Risen, lifted up
And the voices of fear are eternally extinguished.

Hello there.

Nitpicks:

Alone, truely alone

- 'truly' is not spelled with an 'e'.

Tragically awaiting the nonexistant end

- It's 'nonexistent'.

Oh, immortal vexation

- Since you seem to use the apostrophe figure of speech here, you can write it this way: 'O immortal vexation'. Well, it's your choice. (Same goes with the rest of the apostrophe figure of speech you did here.)
- I like the wording here by the way.

Just stop it, oh, stop it

- I didn't mean to nitpick line by line but I like this line. xD

Stop wasting me away as I descend

- This is a strong ending for the first verse.

Oh, frustration
Do disappear, be gone!

- I like the use of the apostrophe figure of speech here.

Clinging to threaded dreams
Gasping at bursting seams

- I like the rhyming here.

Invading while I sleep
Please Lord, let me be

- I don't get this.

Determination, the key

- This is already cliché. I don't think it's a big problem though.

How you, you do

- I don't get this. >.< Did you mean 'How do you do?' or something like that?


I like this poem. The wording and the structure is so nicely done. You seem to be very good with the apostrophe figure of speech too. Also, the little bits of imagery are good. Anyway, I think the problem in this poem, aside from the nitpicks, is the lack of punctuation at the end of most of the lines. Punctuation helps in the poem's clarity and in making the poem 'clean' and 'not messy'. The other 'problem' is the title. 'The Panic Attacks' seem to small for a 'big' poem like this. o.o And I fail to fully relate the title with the poem. >.< Maybe, it's just me.

Never stop writing!

Heello!! I come to review your poem =D I just want to point out that I liked the emotion in this poem =) I thought it was really strong and passionate which is what your looking for in a poem =] My comments are in purrrple

Alone, truely alone
Tragically awaiting the nonexistant end
Oh, immortal vexation -----I like your vocab here. I have no idea what vexation means but it makes it sound really professional =)
Just stop it, oh, stop it
Stop wasting me away as I descend

Lower, into the abyss
Desperately grasping at anything that stands ----I like these two lines, there is a lot of imagry in it and a feeling of desending into nothing. Very good =D
Oh, frustration
Do disappear, be gone!
I can see past both your dirty hands ---I don't quite get this line, thats okay you don't have to change it. Poetry is a personal thing =] I like how you make the emotion and panic seem like a person


Uncertainty, the chill
Cascading into the fear that is so familiar
Oh, disperse!
I say, and say again,
No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Clinging to threaded dreams
Gasping at bursting seams --- I really like these rhymes and the flow is really good here.
Invading while I sleep
Please Lord, let me be

Determination, the key
Keep my mind above the crashing waves
Oh, chilling fear
That's enough, too much
I'm stepping forward as the deception stays.

Aspirations, the view calming
Wonderful evasion as my heart does soothe -- your chose of words is very good here. Soothe and calming gives off the atmosphere of calm. I like how it contrast with the emotion earlier in the poem. I'm sorry if none of these comments make any sense hahahaha =DOh, inspiration
How you, you do
Saturate my fears in the unwavering truth.

Enough, this is the end
The invisible grip across my chest is relinquished
Oh, glory salvation
Risen, lifted up
And the voices of fear are eternally extinguished. ---I like this ending. You can tell the panic has gone, mostly because you say it haha, and I like how you used "invisible grib" too =D

I thought that your poem was really good =} I liked the emotions and imagry and the way it changed structure in some parts, it made it more interesting. Your style of writing is very different too, I like the way it was unique =D. Really I find nothing wrong with it at all! I thought it was great! Keep me updated on more of your works I can review =)

I really like your style of writing - the voice, the wording...nice!

spinelli wrote:Alone, truely alone
Tragically awaiting the nonexistant end 'nonexistent' should be written 'non-existent'.
Oh, immortal vexation
Just stop it, oh, stop it
Stop wasting me away as I descend

Lower, into the abyss
Desperately grasping at anything that stands
Oh, frustration
Do disappear, be gone! 'Do' just isn't working for me here. Dunno why, it just doesn't read nicely. 'Please' even, is better.
I can see past both your dirty hands Eh, take out the 'both', since 'hands' already states it's two. Nice personification of frustration here!

Uncertainty, the chill
Cascading into the fear that is so familiar
Oh, disperse!
I say, and say again,
No weapon formed against me shall prosper! Gah! I love the voice of this poem!

Clinging to threaded dreams
Gasping at bursting seams I really don't like this rhyme. It makes it sound very kiddish, and doesn't fit with the rest of the poem's flow.
Invading while I sleep
Please Lord, let me be I think you should add a exclamation mark here...

Determination, the key
Keep my mind above the crashing waves
Oh, chilling fear Exclamation mark, please! It'll fit with the voice of the previous stanzas.
That's enough, too much
I'm stepping forward as the deception stays.

Aspirations, the view calming
Wonderful evasion as my heart does soothe
Oh, inspiration (!)
How you, you do < Doesn't make sense
Saturate my fears in the unwavering truth.

Enough, this is the end
The invisible grip across my chest is relinquished
Oh, glory salvation
Risen, lifted up
And the voices of fear are eternally extinguished. Nice, nice. Great ending!

I really enjoyed this! I think the flow is off a bit in areas, but that's always so hard to tell. Great usage of words and I really (as I said before) love the style here.

I got a sense of flailing desperation from reading this, whether or not that emotion was suposed to come across i don't know but as far as i'm concerned it worked well. There are a few minor faults that I won't bother to go into because the other reviewers have already covered them but on the whole it is a very good piece of work.

Alone, truely alone.
Tragically awaiting the nonexistant end
Oh, immortal vexation
Just stop, oh, stop it!
Stop wasting me away as I descend

Lower into the abyss,
Desperately grasping at anything that stands.
(insert some sort of adjective here describing the frustration in place of 'Oh') frustration
Do disappear, be gone!
I can see past both your dirty hands.

Uncertainty, the chill
Cascading into the fear that is so familiar.
Oh, disperse!
I say, and say again,
No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Clinging to threaded dreams,
Gasping at bursting seams
Invading while I sleep,
Please Lord, let me be.

Determination, the key,
Keep my mind above the crashing waves.
Oh, chilling fear
That's enough, too much!
I'm stepping forward as the deception stays.

Aspirations, the view calming
Wonderful evasion as my heart does soothe
Oh, inspiration
How you, you do
Saturate my fears in the unwavering truth.

Enough, this is the end,
The invisible grip across my chest is relinquished.
Oh, glory salvation!
Risen, lifted up
And the voices of fear are eternally extinguished.

I suffer from panic attacks as well, so this poem really spoke to me. It may seem like I am tearing this apart, but I only criticize because this poem has great potential. Try replacing oh with adjectives describing the noun, because in certain areas oh sounds awkward. The second to last stanza is confusing and should probably be restated, however, the last line is amazing. The fourth stanza is also very well written. Overall, this is a fantastic poem. It could use some adjustment, though, so PM me if you need anything and let me know when you change things. Bravo! Happy writing

Thank you all! Sorry for all the little mispellings and whatnot, but I wrote this after midnight on my Myspace blog about two years ago. Haha, so I decided to throw this little ditty on the site because I still feel like this is one of my most natural pieces. But in response to a recurring question: that crazy line in the second to last stanza, "How you, you do".

Basically, it's just a very confusing way to start two different sentences. So...

"How you saturate my fears in the unwavering truth."

And

"You do saturate my fears in the unwavering truth."

I know it's a bit strange, but in my brain it made sense, hehe.

I liked this a lot. It was very beautifully written. Kind of reminds me of something I wrote a long time ago. I also liked how it went from being dark and almost maddening, to peaceful.

I have no reviewing to do, it seems you already got some good reviews. Besides, I was so enraptured by the poem that I had no time to concentrate on looking for mistakes. You did such a good job as describing the panic, in fact, I was starting to feel frantic just from reading it. But, you ended it well. It was just, amazing.

Clinging to threaded dreams
Gasping at bursting seams

I especially liked these two lines, the wording is just, perfect! Seriously, keep writing! I love this!

You've got a cool style of writing and you use great description and creates beautful settings... There were a few nitpicks but these have allready been pointed out so all I can say is.. PUNCTUATION! Othwerwise, Nice work, I liked it alot.

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness