At least now I know

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I can hear your words
But their meanings don't reach me.
I stare at your tears
And ignore the 'Please forgive me.'

I always thought you were innocent
But sadly there's another side to you.
A side that's far from pleasant
And it tears me apart.

Maybe I'm the one who's been blind
Or perhaps I just didn't want to see
That underneath that huggable outside
awaits a sharp pair of teeth

I wish we could turn it all back,
But at least now I know the truth..
Last edited by qaralynn on Mon May 30, 2011 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"If they can't be with you at your worst, then they don't deserve to be with you at your best."
-Murtuza-

"Even though a ship won't sink at sea, it needs to be steered to get home."




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I really like this poem. As a matter of fact so far I like all of your poems. But in this one I have a bit of a problem. You say "beyond" pleasant in one phrase but I think you should use "from" instead. "Beyond pleasant" would be even more pleasant, but "from pleasant" would be like "far from" and I think that makes more sense with what you are trying to say. Other than that, this poem is great and I love it.
Hess<3




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Out of all the poems i have read today I think this one is my favorite so far!

*Hitting like*

Keep Writing,
~FW~
http://www.isiseiyr.com
~When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. ~ George Carver

Writing...they claim it is a dangerous occupation... 'they' have no idea!




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And ignore the "Please forgive me."


Wow, great poem.

Luckily, I saw only one grammatical mistake (*phew*), so, good job on that :)
You had great emotion in this but the flow wasn't so good. Look through it and see which parts could use more elegant words and that might help the flow a bit, 'kay?
Otherwise it was a really great poem :D

Keep writing,
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




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Hello, fellow Bamboozler ^_^

I really liked this poem ;) I didn't quite get it, but all the same, I thought it was great, there was good emotion, and an interesting perspective, but I think it has much more potential, as I read it I think: innocent of what? What did this person do? What's the truth? Answer these questions and it could be much better :D

Nitpicks:

qaralynn wrote:I can hear your words
But their meanings don't reach me.
I stare at your tears this line sort of ruins the flow, and is only five syllables compared to eight syllable one below, try adding some more description to fatten it up :P
And ignore the 'Please forgive me.'

I always thought you were innocent
But sadly there's another side to you. meh, this line is a bit boring for me, we get that this person has done something wrong, try make it a little more interesting XD
A side that's far from pleasant
And it tears me apart. another flow thingy

Maybe I'm the one who's been blind
Or perhaps I just didn't want to see
That underneath that huggable outside <3 cool line ;)
awaits a sharp pair of teeth

I wish we could turn it all back,
But at least now I know the truth.. great ending ^_^


Overall it was great :)

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem
"The rabbit always squeals in the jaws of the fox, but when has another rabbit ever rushed up to save it?" Damon Salvatore
;'( please, my lump, he just needs HUGS <3
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