My dirty window

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qaralynn
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Mon May 30, 2011 8:35 pm
qaralynn says... · Mon May 30, 2011 8:35 pm
This window I'm staring through
It is covered in thick dirt
And now the world behind it
is filled with so much hurt.

I'm crying out for someone to help me
Please clean my window and polish the glass
So that the sun can shine through again
And the world behind it will fill with happiness.
"If they can't be with you at your worst, then they don't deserve to be with you at your best."
-Murtuza-

"Even though a ship won't sink at sea, it needs to be steered to get home."
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freewritersavvy
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Mon May 30, 2011 9:15 pm
freewritersavvy says... · Mon May 30, 2011 9:15 pm
*Sniff*

I just figured out what it really is that I like about your poems. They are emotionally touching to me!

Keep it up!

~FW~
http://www.isiseiyr.com
~When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. ~ George Carver

Writing...they claim it is a dangerous occupation... 'they' have no idea!
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Butterfinger
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Points 2830
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Mon May 30, 2011 9:17 pm
Butterfinger says... · Mon May 30, 2011 9:17 pm
Once again, simple yet great! My only urk is that 'glass' and 'happiness' don't seem to rhyme very well. Other than that, Great work!
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.

I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
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shiney1
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Points 8363
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Mon May 30, 2011 10:54 pm
shiney1 says... · Mon May 30, 2011 10:54 pm
You are on a roll today! Very nice poem!
I love how the second stanza alludes to the second one.


This window I'm staring through
It is covered in thick dirt;
And now the world behind it
is filled with so much hurt.

I'm crying out for someone to help me;
Please clean my window and polish the glass,
So that the sun can shine through again
And the world behind it will fill with happiness. Great ending



Just some punctuation. Keep up the good work!
"If you ever have a problem don't say 'Hey God I have a big problem.' Rather 'Hey Problem... I have a big God and it's all going to be okay."
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4 posts


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