This is not about works, or about religion, despite the title. It's about the passion, the good parts of the better churches I've been to. There are bad parts too, but this was a "Why should I even believe this?" thing for me. The funny thing is, it was almost a blog post--and it would have been, if I had even one person that commented on my blog. :/ As it stands, I think I like the way this turned out.
Spoiler
So I'm sick and tired of people spouting "Christianese" because I've heard it all my life, and it's not real. It sounds fake, it feels fake and I hate it. I honestly do. What I'm talking about are those platitudes and cliches and fixed words and answers Christians will use to try to comfort and advise. To hell with that! We need real words! We need plain language! We need people looking us in the face and saying things so fiercely and passionately that we can't help but pay attention.
I've been guilty of Christianese myself--it's easy to fall into, especially when you've grown up around it.
But the point of this is to show why I still hold on to my faith. It was going to be a blog post, but I felt the need to post it like this. It's still very rough, but it's also a stream-of-consciousness type thing.
Oh, and just for fun: http://www.becausepeoplematter.com/mark ... se-tr.html
I've been guilty of Christianese myself--it's easy to fall into, especially when you've grown up around it.
But the point of this is to show why I still hold on to my faith. It was going to be a blog post, but I felt the need to post it like this. It's still very rough, but it's also a stream-of-consciousness type thing.
Oh, and just for fun: http://www.becausepeoplematter.com/mark ... se-tr.html
Why am I a Christian?
Because last night, my youth pastor looked me in the eye and told me I was beautiful. And when my eyes flickered towards the door--because I dislike long periods of eye contact, because his gaze was intense--he got mad!
"Don't look away! Don't you believe you're beautiful? Why would you deny it? Why would you lie to yourself like that?"
There were tears in his eyes as he crossed the room to hug me, and I couldn't help but cry myself.
Why am I a Christian?
Because I know people who can look at you and say just what you've been needing to hear, even if you've only known each other for all of five minutes.
Why am I a Christian?
Because when I close my eyes, pictures flash across my vision. I see my last youth group around a pool table, and know that it's a message--they're playing games. I look at the woman next to me and see scrawny Holocaust victim legs, then see her growing fatter and fatter until she wells up like a balloon. And when I tell her that I feel it means she's been starved for love and she's going to be fed, she smiles and says that she's been hearing that from other people, and turns to pray for me. And when she prays for me, she prays I'll find a husband--which is something I've been longing for, but have never mentioned to anyone.
Then a girl puts her hand on my knee, and I see a canary and a vulture and an eagle and another bird flying above a fire, sailing to land on a branch before turning from aqua to white to black, before the black and white start competing for dominance. And I'm not sure what a bird means, but I know she's going to have to struggle against her darker nature and she'll be able to fly above danger, and I tell her so, and she is encouraged.
Why am I a Christian?
Because when the music starts playing and people start singing and shouting and dancing I can't help but smile. Because when I let myself go, there is an euphoria waiting that's better than any drug (not that I'd know, because I hate drugs) and there's no worrying about self-harm or memory blanks or morning afters because this is a spiritual high, and because the people around you will catch you if you fall to the ground and cover you with a blanket.
Why am I a Christian?
Because I've seen a woman's too-short leg grow long. I've heard of people being raised from the dead, and it's a common occurrence for miracles to happen, because the Holy Spirit is in us and it's more powerful than anything else, and this is the way it should be.
Why am I a Christian?
Because Christians are people who intentionally search out the worst part of their city they can find, and they walk down streets that have been deserted for fear of murder and rape and hospital visits, and they are not harmed, because they see the gang walking towards them and they don't run in fear, but walk forward saying "I love you. Can we pray together?"
Why am I a Christian?
Because Christians are crazy! They sing and dance to worship music as though they are drunk. They do things that defy reality and know things they have no way of knowing and have no fear, because God is love, and there Is no fear in love, so they are fearless. And they know it sounds crazy because they've been in the slums or the churches that tell them "You're demonized!" but they know how wonderful it is. And they can't be stopped, even in death, because they are more than their physical bodies and they know it, so they walk in power.
Why am I a Christian?
Because I've never experienced that kind of crazy , wild love anywhere else.
I am a Christian. I live in love. Therefore, I have no fear.
