I See Myself

When I look at myself
In the cracked mirror of my heart
I can see the fragments
Of heartbreak and pain
And of a very lost girl
With no direction but down

Alleviation has never felt better
Than the beautiful river of red
Which drips from my wrist
To the tiled floor below
And peels back the surface of my heart

A blade had never been so pretty
So majestic or elegant
Than when it was being held in my hand
And pressed against warm flesh
To release the silent currents of suffering

And when I look at myself
I see that tall brunette
The one who is insecure about her body
And insecure about herself
That sometimes only a blade can cure it
Only that edge can take away the hurt

And that small bluebird in my soul
Which sings the songs of angst and anger
And grieves the boy I know is right
A longing that makes me reach
for the curse of my soul

And there are so many problems
Things that won’t go away
Dark catastrophes that only I suffer from
And only I know about
Because that way, I’m normal

And when I finally see myself
Clearly, from the eyes of others
I see a beautiful girl
Happy, smart and smiling
With no hidden conflicts
That tear her heart from the inside out

A strong young woman
Who shows not the pain
That is buried deep inside her
Longing for its silent escape
That comes with the price of blood

The scars on her wrist
Each one tells a story
They couldn’t even fathom if they knew
Because something like a fear catapulted her
Over the ledge of depression

And they can't see
The fragmented pieces of my heart
And how the secret to its repair
Was lost when it was first broken
In a procession of emotional bruises
Battered by internal conflict

The agony that drove me
To the brink of hell
Equipped only with that sharp blade
A first cut I revelled in
Because it lessened the pain of my contused soul

The pulling of my insides
Can only last for so long
Before finally one side wins
Then I’m torn in two
And more broken than I was before

So every now and then
When my silent tsunami is growing
The edge gets a feeding
And the overwhelming sensations
Slither back to the devil
But I still have the scars

-- Gezina

Hi Delanie! I'm Sporks, and I'll be reviewing this today. This time, I will go line-by-line to address anything I see that might need...improvement.

WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF Is there a particular reason for this?
In the cracked mirror of my heart
I can see the fragments
Of heartbreak and pain
And of a very lost girl
With no direction but down

You know relief has never felt better The phrase "you know" doesn't fit with the mood or tone.
Than the beautiful river of red
Which drips from my wrist
To the tiled floor below
And opens the doors of emotion I have a couple problems with this line. First, emotion as an adjective is way too vague. And second, opening the doors sounds like the speaker has been holding it back, when clearly s/he feels so strongly s/he must cut to relieve the pain.

A blade had never been so pretty
So majestic or elegant What exactly is the speaker cutting with? Traditionally, it's a razor. Blades, like knives, are less sharp generally and don't make very clean lines, from what I've heard.
Than when it was being held in my hand
And pressed against warm flesh
To release the tidal wave I’ve been holding Okay, so she IS holding back rather than feeling too much. Okay. Never mind the second part above.

AND WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF
I see that tall brunette
The one who is insecure about her body
And insecure about herself
That sometimes only a blade can cure it Wait wait wait. Now the speaker feels too much again? I feel like this poem will benefit from consistency in the speaker's motive(s) to cut.
Only that edge can take away the hurt

I have the typical teenage angst
My family angers me to a point of no return
A boy drives me to the sharpness
Longing makes me reach for the curse of my soul
And sometimes I’m so confused This whole stanza is very vague and cliche, unfortunately.

Do I do this or that?
Do I say this or say that?
He loves me, he loves me not?
Are the choices I’m making right?
Who am I really? Also kind of cliche.

AND WHEN I FINALLY SEE MYSELF Why the random use of caps lock?
Clearly, from the eyes of others
I see a beautiful girl
Happy, smart and smiling
With no hidden conflicts
That tear her heart from the inside out

A strong young woman
Who shows not the pain
That is buried deep inside her
Longing for relief
That comes with the price of blood

The scars on her wrist
Each one tells a story
They couldn’t even fathom
If they knew
Because even she can’t remember that pain Confusion. Why would she forget what caused her pain? Is that part of cutting? (I don't know much about the psychological aspect.)

AND THEY CAN’T SEE
The fragmented pieces of my heart
And how the secret to its repair
Was lost when it was first broken
With that irreparable damage I think an adjective other than "irreparable" is needed.
Aided by confusion and internal conflict

The emotions that drove me
To the brink of hell
Equipped only with that sharp blade
A sharp first cut I revelled in
Because I was finally feeling something I thought she felt so much? Then she didn't. Then she did? I'm so confused about this. Also, the two "sharp" occurrences are weird and "reveled" only has one L.

So every now and then
The edge gets a feeding
And the overwhelming sensations
Slither back to the devil I like this line.
But I still have the scars

Okay, so, overall. I think that this poem needs a lot of work, both technically and in terms of the subject matter. You seem to be okay with flow, as it didn't seem that jarring to me. Your main problem is being very vague. Specificity in this poem would definitely be a huge boost for it. Also, there was the thing with random caps lock. If you're using it to denote a shift in point-of-view, you don't need it because your readers are smart people. Otherwise, it just looks odd. For the content, you need to find out how to be consistent with the speaker's motive or motives. Because it's hard to both feel too much and nothing at all. I don't think it's possible. xD But I really like that line in the last stanza. This poem has potential to overcome the cliche subject matter and become something great.

Good luck!
Sporks

Hey there! I usually don't review longer pieces, but this one really hooked me, and I couldn't stop reading! Just like the first person, I'll give it a line by line review

WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF It reads as if you're screaming this, maybe it doesn't need to be in all caps?
In the cracked mirror of my heart Love this!
I can see the fragments
Of heartbreak and pain
And of a very lost girl
With no direction but down I can really feel the sorrow in this first stanza, it really hooks the reader!

You know relief has never felt better I can't even imagine cutting myself to be a relief, but I guess it's diff for everyone
Than the beautiful river of red
Which drips from my wrist
To the tiled floor below Very Vivid!Chilling!
And opens the doors of emotion Love this!

A blade had never been so pretty
So majestic or elegant Wow, brilliant description!
Than when it was being held in my hand
And pressed against warm flesh
To release the tidal wave I’ve been holding I can relate to needing to open the flood gates of my anger

AND WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF
I see that tall brunette
The one who is insecure about her body
And insecure about herself
That sometimes only a blade can cure it It's painted out as if the blade is somewhat of a cuddly companion...brilliant!
Only that edge can take away the hurt

I have the typical teenage angst
My family angers me to a point of no return
A boy drives me to the sharpness Love this line!
Longing makes me reach for the curse of my soul Interesting wording!
And sometimes I’m so confused

Do I do this or that?
Do I say this or say that?
He loves me, he loves me not?
Are the choices I’m making right?
Who am I really?

AND WHEN I FINALLY SEE MYSELF
Clearly, from the eyes of others
I see a beautiful girl
Happy, smart and smiling
With no hidden conflicts This line really makes me think. Great imagery!
That tear her heart from the inside out

A strong young woman
Who shows not the pain
That is buried deep inside her
Longing for relief
That comes with the price of blood

The scars on her wrist
Each one tells a story
They couldn’t even fathom I love the word Fathom!
If they knew
Because even she can’t remember that pain

AND THEY CAN’T SEE
The fragmented pieces of my heart
And how the secret to its repair
Was lost when it was first broken
With that irreparable damage
Aided by confusion and internal conflict Great Stanza!

The emotions that drove me
To the brink of hell Love this line!
Equipped only with that sharp blade
A sharp first cut I revelled in
Because I was finally feeling something

So every now and then
The edge gets a feeding
And the overwhelming sensations
Slither back to the devil
But I still have the scars

Over all, I love this poem! Very brilliant! Wonderfully written!

I felt the need to comment on this poem for the sole reaosn that I read the first review. All the emotions in this poem make sense you just have to be a cutter to understand. You feel nothing or you feel to much and you almost always return to your friend the blade.

I do get what your getting at but there are no beautiful descriptions or metaphors here. We are reading the same cliche things that are all over this site. I do have to say it touched me but that's because I understand it. Others will not because you didn't describe how you are feeling you told how you are feeling.

-Flow-

SporkPunk: Your comments about the poem are appreciated and however you feel about it, this poem was just to satiate some of the feelings I've been having. I admit I might have scrambled the feelings and thoughts when they came out in a poem, but it hurts so much you hold back the pain and when it's finally too much, I cut. And blade, I didn't want to say exacto-knife, or sharp shard because that would mess it all up. Thanks for the reviewing, and I'll change what I like, since I don't want to lose the initial feelings put into the poem. And the reason why things are cliche is because they are commonly felt, but I am starting to see how they can be annoying. And looking for ways to make things less cliche and more original and heartfelt. Another thing you said about feeling too much and not at all is that sometimes its just too much and the pain becomes numb. And when I say even she can't remember the pain is because I honestly can't remember why I started cutting. I have a general idea, but the mind blocks out painful memories XD Thanks again

Butterfinger: Thanks You really emphasized the parts of the poem that I liked best too. I think I will tone down the caps though, I just wanted them to stress the starting of a new idea and be almost like bolded lettering but just grabs your attention, if that makes sense. Anyways, thhanks

Flowerchild: No offense to anybody, but the poem was made for me as an outlet. I appreciate all the great help but I made it for me to help sort out things and release feelings, but in your light of argument, literature needs an audience and a happy audience is one that understands the poem I'll try to add in more metaphors here and there about what it actually feels like. Thanks!

And thanks to everybody who reviewed this. I really appreciate the help!