Praying for a New Start

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Tell me how you feel,
Tell me if what we had was ever real.
Because now, you're not what you were.
Everything we used to have is just a blur.

I've faced embarrassment for you,
Ignored the old me I knew
And became the fearless girl I had for so long aspired to be.
Now all I have is regret, but you don't even see.

Ever since rumors started, you haven't been the same,
Why do I even try to win this never-ending game?
Even if the rumors are true,
Why should that affect how you act, what you do?

Look, if I can face the lies, you can too.
It never had to be this hard.
Please just show the love you used to have for me, even out of the blue
Because at this point, I'm on my knees,
Praying for a new start.
Last edited by GracieBee62 on Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- baby, please don't go -
- who do you think you are? -
- i was enchanted to meet you -
- you're the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart -
- until the morning sun you're mine, all mine -
- there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words 4 you... i love you -




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I loved this so, so much!

I could practically feel the emotion seeping out of my computer. It almost seemed like a very emotional song or rap. I enjoyed that aspect.

I'm going to assume this is personal, as it uses a name, so I enjoyed the personal aspect as well.

The only critique is you had an AABB (feel, real, were, blur) rhyme scheme up until the fourth and last stanza where you had an ABACD rhyme scheme, which was odd.

Anyways, I really liked this.

Keep writing,

tLm
"Never ever underestimate the power of 'I'd like that'."




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This is a pretty good poem :)

You have ok flow in it and the emotion is really great. You could use some imagery but you don't really need to. I also didn't find any grammatical problems in it.
Overall it's nice poem, the emotion is awesome, the flow is ok, and although you could use some imagery you don't need to.
So, great job :)

Keep writing,
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




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Tell me how you feel,
Tell me if what we had was ever real. Eee, you started off with a cliche
Because now, you're not what you were.
Everything we used to have is just a blur. good last two lines

I've faced embarrassment for you, embarrassment?? Try using sophisticated wording in your poems and they will be taken more seriously
Ignored the old me I knew
And became the fearless girl I had for so long aspired to be.
Now all I have is regret, but that you don't even see.

Ever since rumors started, you haven't been the same,
Why do I even try to win this never-ending game? This is a powerful rhyme, kudos
Even if the rumors are true,
Why should that affect how you act, what you do? instead of a comma I think it should be 'and'

Mitch, if I can face the lies, you can too. ooo very assertive, I like it
It never had to be this hard. this line is a bit cliche.
Please just show the love you used to have for me, even out of the blue
Because at this point, I'm on my knees,
Praying for a new start. I think you should have kept up with the rhyme, there would be more of an impact in your words then.

Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain
So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....




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I reaallyy liked this poem. It may have cliche in it but we all use cliche. I loved "Mitch,I can face the lies,you can too".My only advice is you should end the poem keeping up with the rhyme. Other than that it was perfect<3




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Tell me how you feel,
Tell me if what we had was ever real.
Because now, you're not what you were.
Everything we used to have is just a blur.

I've faced embarrassment for you,Ignored the old me I knew
And became the fearless girl I had for so long aspired to be.
Now all I have is regret, but you don't even see.

I love how you opened this with ''tell me how you feel'' its a great opening to
this poem

Ever since rumors started, you haven't been the same,
Why do I even try to win this never-ending game?
Even if the rumors are true,Why should that affect how you act, what you do?

Look, if I can face the lies, you can too.
It never had to be this hard.Please just show the love you used to have for me, even out of the blue
Because at this point, I'm on my knees, Praying for a new start.

I really like the ending to this poem 'cause your like begging him to stop
being selfish and not listen to the rumors and to just follow his heart.
All in all its really good!! keep it
"i will not bow"




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I loved this so much. I could just hear you crying out for them to hear your desperate call.
The opening was BY FAR the best in the entire poem.

The only thing I would change is the rhyming at the end. The rhyming just seems to dwindle down as the poem goes on and on. This is partly why the beginning was sooo great!
I can totally tell that you just want a clean slate. Every little bad thing erased.
GREAT JOB. . . . and. . . (if it just doesn't work out, make sure to stand up on your own two feet, and say, I'm worth it, just for me!) :)
Don't walk in front of me: I may not follow
Don't walk behind me: I may not lead
Just walk beside me and hold my hand


I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.



Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.
— Helen Keller