**Haven't really thought of a title**

Spoiler

I wrote this in bed one night; it just sort of came to me. And yes, it might be a *little* vague, but I want it to be a little bit without being overly confusing. I don't know if this is any good at all, but I'm posting it anyway because I need reviews. Help me improve!

I've got stresses up to here,
Constant whispers in my ear
Keep my grades high, keep tension low,
With nowhere to turn but places to go.

Smile, frown, scream, cry,
Not giving up till I can fly,
Disappointed but waiting to see,
Will my world turn out how I want it to be?

The twists and turns along the way
Make me sink or swim... or float away?
Around each bend is pressure and strife,
But they say, "You have the easiest life!"

Often, my course is truly great,
But still I wonder what's my fate.
To write, see, love, inspire,
With enough passion to light the earth on fire?

I think about this all the time,
So lost in thought and music and rhyme...
Then I bump into him in the hall-
He smiles- maybe it's not so crazy after all

Critiques first:

I've got stresses up to here,
Constant whispers in my ear
Keep my grades high, keep tension low,
With nowhere to turn but places to go.

Smile, frown, scream, cry,
Not giving up till I can fly, Seems a little cliche
Dissapointed but waiting to see,
Will my world turn out how I want it to be?

The twists and turns along the way
Make me sink or swim...or float away? (just added a backspace after the dot dot dot
Around each bend is pressure and strife,
But they say, "You have the easiest life!"

Often, my course is truly great,
But still I wonder what's my fate.
To write, see, love, inspire,
With enough passion to light the earth on fire? I think you could rephrase this. It seems a little forced.

I think about this all the time,
So lost in thought and music and rhyme...
Then I bump into him in the hall-
He smiles- maybe it's not so crazy after allWhat? This is romantic? Since when? I think you should mention this lovely young man earlier. I don't know about other readers, but it certainly thre me off.

Anyways, I liked this poem a lot. I really wish you would develop the potential romance in it, but that's just me because I rarely read anything unromantic. Just a few typos. I loved the vagueness you decided to put into it, even though I didn't find if very vague. It just seemed like a normal style poem that fits perfectly into Lyric Poetry. Expresses the hopes, joys sorrows of the writer....you know.

I really did like this poem. I think it's awesome.

All right, I'm not here to start any flaming, but I'm going to bounce SassyKat's critique. My turn to quote!

Sassykat wrote:

I've got stresses up to here,
Constant whispers in my ear
Keep my grades high, keep tension low,
With nowhere to turn but places to go.

Smile, frown, scream, cry,
Not giving up till I can fly, Seems a little clicheCliche maybe, but I think it fits great right here
Dissapointed but waiting to see,
Will my world turn out how I want it to be?

The twists and turns along the way
Make me sink or swim...or float away? (just added a backspace after the dot dot dotbrilliant wording, just saying
Around each bend is pressure and strife,
But they say, "You have the easiest life!"

Often, my course is truly great,
But still I wonder what's my fate.
To write, see, love, inspire,
With enough passion to light the earth on fire? I think you could rephrase this. It seems a little forced.I agree with SassyKat here. This is powerful, I think, but I'm feelin' what SassyKat said.

I think about this all the time,
So lost in thought and music and rhyme...
Then I bump into him in the hall-
He smiles- maybe it's not so crazy after allWhat? This is romantic? Since when? I think you should mention this lovely young man earlier. I don't know about other readers, but it certainly thre me off.I LOVE this last little tid bit at the end. It puts a mattress under the whole falling, twirling out of control, hopelessly trying feeling of the rest of the poem. Even though these last two lines aren't insanely creative, I think it's a great twist to send the poem home.

.......

Great job! I loved this poem so much!! Keep writing!

This is actually really nice. The boy thing at the end left me CON-FUSED, I mean, when did this become a love poem?! You're talking about life, and how everyone has struggles and then we come to a random end. Strange. Anyway, 4rth stanza was my favorite. Nice job!

Hi I'm going to do a structure/theme/clarity sort of review, as it seems Vapor and SassyKat already have the grammar-y part covered.
I like the Dr. Seuss-esque style, however, I don't really get a story line. What is the point of this poem? Who is the narrator? What is the story line? At the moment it seems to me like a lot of pretty, whimsical, nice-sounding words put together with no real meaning behind it. The boy at the very end confuses me. Is he important? Is this whole thing somehow connected with the narrator's thoughts about him, maybe, or is he just a tool to finish the poem? You just kind of sprang him on me, and I don't get his importance. I think you should either integrate him more into the poem or cut him completely. The ending confused me, too. I don't see how it ties up the loose ends and finished the poem - though I do love the line 'So lost in thought and music and rhyme...' cause that's pretty much me half the time. I think you should have a title. It would go a long way to clarify a lot of the confusion. I really, really hope this helps!
Sierra

I can't tell you how much I love this! I really really really love it! It flows perfectly, amazingly, and seems effortless. I can completely relate. I really wish I had written this because I love it so much! You are a great writer and you have a lot of talent! Your rhyming skills are amazing. Nothing seems awkwardly put or anything. It all matches up very nicely. Meaning, the rhyming just fits so well. And the syllables are excellent. If you read this outloud, it sounds just wonderful. It all just makes so much sense, especially the easiest life part. I really love it and I guess that's basically all I have to say. Great, wonderful, excellent, awesome work!

HAPPY REVIEW DAY! : )

Hello! This is a pretty good poem, even if it is a bit vague. To start off, kudos for keeping your rhyme scheme consistent! My high school teacher once said that you either rhyme or you don't. In other words, you either keep rhyming the way you started rhyming or you don't rhyme at all. You keep your rhyme scheme consistent, which is great! For example,

"I've got stresses up to here,
Constant whispers in my ear
Keep my grades high, keep tension low,
With nowhere to turn but places to go."

This is a great example of your consistent rhyme scheme. This is also a good example of some concrete details.

Although, I think this poem should have more concrete details than abstract details, such as instead of saying you keep tension low and there is nowhere to turn, describe how you keep tension low and how there is nowhere to turn. Also, I think imagery should be in this poem, but it's not. Again, this has to do with describing in detail, such as describing in detail "the twists and turns along the way," instead of just saying "the twists and turns along the way."

Therefore, I conclude that I kinda like this poem because I like the message in this poem and the rhyming and rhyme scheme, but it's too vague, abstract, and imagery-less. Anyway, hope this helps make the poem better! Keep writing poetry! You'll get better at it!

Awesome! I'm really starting to love poetry after reading some of these works. This is great. It doesn't seem that vague to me, so yeah, good job on that. Anyways, I don't have too much to say. I didn't really see any grammar errors...

The twists and turns along the way
Make me sink or swim... or float away?
Around each bend is pressure and strife,
But they say, "You have the easiest life!"

This was great. You almost just expressed my life in one paragraph!

Often, my course is truly great,
But still I wonder what's my fate.
To write, see, love, inspire,
With enough passion to light the earth on fire?

This was my favorite part! Very well written.
I love this poem; great job! Keep writing!

Hi SkyeDreamer!

Okay, so this piece is very cute! Very high school, lol. I have to admit I really like the ending. I mean, you go on and on about how stressed you are and how confusing everything is and then the ending, this guy (whoever he is!) is able to bring you back to Earth and suddenly everything makes sense. It really reminds me of my sister's boyfriend. They're not in high school, but it's the same sort of down-to-earth idea here, so it's all good.

Now, my main comment is something you already brought up... it's rather vague! I mean, on one hand it's a slightly good thing, because vagueness means that you can possibly put yourself into the poem and relate to it better... but have it too vague and it has no meaning to anybody who isn't in high school and isn't worried about these sorts of things. For instance, I can kind of relate to it because I am job searching right now and trying to figure out how I need to apply my passions, but I know that if I showed it to some of my employed friends, they would roll their eyes.

Which brings me to my next point! You may consider actually putting yourself more into your poem. For example, what in particular stresses you out? Where are the whispers coming from? Where are the pressures from? What sorts of twists and turns do you encounter? What sort of strife? Why do you agree so readily to the people who say that your life is so great?

The answers to these sorts of questions will probably be really personal. Try to pinpoint them and understand them. Then, you'll be able to write with more honesty and less vagueness about your personal story. Then write about it! I mean, it might be a little embarrassing because you'll be a lot more honest and forthright than you might be comfortable with, but your work will be soooo much better that way. That way, your passion will clearly come out... after all, the word "passion" is intrinsically linked to suffering. Just look at the Latin root, if you dare. And, let's face it... the best writers are the passionate ones.

And the weird part? You'll find a lot more people will actually identify with your words if you do.

Best of luck!

I've got stresses up to here, This part sounds a little strange, not sure how you could change it though
Constant whispers in my ear
Keep my grades high, keep tension low, Because this part seems to go onto a different subject you should make another stanza
With nowhere to turn but places to go. I really enjoyed this chapter it rhymed really well

Smile, frown, scream, cry,
Not giving up till I can fly,
Disappointed but waiting to see, This whole paragraph or whatever it's called was my favorite of this piece.
Will my world turn out how I want it to be?

The twists and turns along the way
Make me sink or swim... or float away?
Around each bend is pressure and strife, I thought this section flowed well and rhymed fairly well but I'm not sure what's going or where this line has came from.
But they say, "You have the easiest life!"

Often, my course is truly great,
But still I wonder what's my fate.
To write, see, love, inspire,
With enough passion to light the earth on fire?

I think about this all the time,
So lost in thought and music and rhyme...
Then I bump into him in the hall-
He smiles- maybe it's not so crazy after all

Overall I loved this poem it had amazing rhyming and a great flow, on some of the stanzas I told you of my nitpicks but that's just me so use them as you will, thanks for posting!
Amazing writing
Peace,

Snickerdooly

OK, here's the deal. So, first of all I liked this poem. I was well written, with a rhyme that was hidden and added to the hyme, like flow of this poem. Whenever I notice a rhyme, that means it is distracting and forced. But, if I don't notice a rhyme, then that means it is smooth and easy and flowing. So, yours was the second option! I'm sorry to say, but I had no idea what this was about. School? General life? Love? I'm not even going to try to guess. But, anyway, you might want to clarify that in the poem. So, time for nit-picks. Hang in there! I still like it. :

I've got stresses up to here, (all I can say is: WHAT?)
Constant whispers in my ear
Keep my grades high, keep tension low,
With nowhere to turn but places to go.
Smile, frown, scream, cry,
Not giving up till I can fly, (this part doesn't match the part aove it. First other people telling you what to do, then beleiving in yourself? I'm getting lost)
Disappointed but waiting to see,
Will my world turn out how I want it to be?
The twists and turns along the way
Make me sink or swim... or float away?
Around each bend is pressure and strife,
But they say, "You have the easiest life!" (This rhyme just seems.... forced. I don't know what else to do about it, but maybe different word choice?)
Often, my course is truly great,
But still I wonder what's my fate.
To write, see, love, inspire,
With enough passion to light the earth on fire? I love this word clash contest thingy sentence. It doesn't fit or make sense at all, but somehow I knwo just what you are talking about in my subconscience. The word choice is great.)
I think about this all the time,
So lost in thought and music and rhyme...
Then I bump into him in the hall-
He smiles- maybe it's not so crazy after all (ok, where'd he come from? he has nothing to do with the poem. Either metion him earlier or leave him out. )

So, sorry for all the red corrections. You can choose to ignore them if you want. They are personal opinions. But, just know that if I didn't put a color on it, it was green. I wish I could write it that way but it takes forever to get the colors. So, have a great day ands I hope this was helpful! Bye!
-Cammie

I can relate to this poem perfectly, I deal with everything you seem to have mentioned, and other than this poem being legen.... wait for it.... dary, this poem had no problems, if being legendary is a problem, oh well, I made no sense, jsut trying to say good job! Keep Writing!