Autumn Stars

I am the water in the walls,
seeping through the cracks
and falling into your bed.
I'm too cold, you say,
and take your blankets to the couch.
While you're gone I sink down,
trying to soak through the mattress.
And when I finally feel the touch of steel springs
I whisper,
"One night of indigo came, borne by autumn stars.
That's where I was and that's where you are."

I really like this; short and sweet. I don't understand it, but I like it:)
Welldone.
-Layla Flame

What is that water in the walls, I wonder.

Okay, I don't know what that thing is, but what I do know is that, in my opinion, it is an awesome work! "D

Hello there.

Nitpicks:

I'm too cold you say
and take your blankets to the couch.

- Put a comma after 'cold' and 'say'
- Also, I didn't get the connection between 'I'm too cold you say' and 'take your blankets to the couch' except for the words 'cold' and 'blanket'. >.<

While you're gone I sink down,

- Put a comma after 'gone'.

trying to soak through the mattress,
and when I finally feel the touch of steel springs

- I think you can put a period instead of a comma after 'mattress' there 'cause the 'and when I (...)' can really stand alone.
- Put a comma after 'springs'.


Nice poem. The awesome thing about this is the imagery. You really did some great imageries here, and the emotion just comes through those imageries and gets a hold on the reader. However, the reason why I don't fully like this is because I don't understand it. It's so vague and confusing, o.o like a surreal painting (xD). It was really hard to decipher. I hope you can make this clearer. Nice title by the way.

Never stop writing!

That's beautiful. I love it. Such emotion, such playfulness. I think you have it right on the money. Keep writing for the sake of writing and you'll get more reviews as positive as this.