Pochahontas (spelling fail!)

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My name is pochahontas
I sing every thing I say
I constantly have drug induced delusions.

Like talking trees
I think are my relatives
Or wind with colors
Or otters of my companionship.

My name is Pochahontas, yes it is.


(it's longer when I sing it I swear ^.^)




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Points 7297
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This should probably be in the 'song lyrics' section, but I'll review it as a poem.

The ideas in this poem are great. I loved the comment about the 'drug induced delusions', because Ive never thought about the move like that.

The major problem is, that it's not very.. poetry like... you know? This sounds just like a normal book, there' nothing really different about the structure.
Also, try showing instead of telling us what you think. Say
'I could hear the thud of rubber against asphalt when the children were playing outside' instead of 'The children were bouncing the ball'

Good luck and Keep Writing-
KatTrain
So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....




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First off, this is rather cute. Now, onto the comments.
My name is pochahontas, -Pocahontas
I sing every thing I say.
I constantly have drug induced delusions.

Like talking trees,
I think are my relatives.
Or wind with colors,
Or otters of my companionship.

My name is Pochahontas, yes it is. Pocahontas
So, I've put some punctuations at the end of some lines so that they don't run into each other. I also corrected you spelling of her name. Now I would like to ask if you're sure that this should be in this category. You said that these are lyrics so I think they should be put in the Lyrics section.


Other than that, no further comment. Happy writing!
Writing is not simply 'telling', it is also 'showing'. ~ Yanni1995



Not many will ever really understand you / That doesn't mean you aren't worth understanding
— Quillfeather