Dragonmaster Chapter 3: Valsephony

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The sun sank further and further down in the Eastern sky. As it lowered itself away from visibility, the airs temperature dropped cruelly, causing me to shiver. It had rained recently and every cart that had passed by me had had the courtesy to make sure I got the best of their wheel spit and drenched me in mud. Thus I was caked in mud from head to foot, not to mention cold and hungry, tired and sore. I longed for my small bed and its thin cover. At least it was relatively clean.
I trod onward. The sky was threatening to rain and it was dark by the time I reached the school house. Of course the school was closed by the time I got there so I foraged around on the well-known school grounds, visiting the mushroom patches I knew of, as I had visited them often when I had been sent to school without lunch. I discovered a few mushrooms that I let rest in my growling stomach. I was used to not having meals periodically but I’d missed three meals, no four now, and had been walking the whole day. I sighed, placing my head in my hands before instantly regretting it as the mud shifted from my fingers to my forehead. The icy river was seemingly more inviting than ever.
I stood and went around to the back steps which provided a little shelter from the constant drizzle. Lying down on the hard door mat, I slowly shifted into a restless slumber.
Father and the others were probably enjoying a feast of dragon meat and I was glad I had left. Father probably would have made me gut the animal, de-scale her and cut her up. I would have rather died than butcher Kimberlina’s dead body.
I knew Father well. He would enjoy not having to deal with me for a few days before getting mad when something wasn’t done that needed to be done. He would most likely end up sending out a search party. If I didn’t move fast, he would end up capturing me soon. But first there was something I had to do here.
I slipped into unconsciousness, dreams and memories flitting through my mind as sleep claimed me.



Eight boys sat crossed legged on the hard wooden floor. Our backs were acutely straight and our gaze focused on Master Gordon.
“Good morning, Men.” He spoke heartily to us and we smiled up at him, his gaze flashing warmly as he inspected us.
“Good morning, Master Gordon.” Our voices sounded out together, eagerness playing across our faces. Master Gordon was the stuff of legends. He had never actually given us a lesson before and we knew this would indeed be a lesson we would not soon forget.
“I am here this fine morning to show you my first sword. How I was lucky enough to find such a sword in all my inexperience then, I still can’t tell you to this day.” He turned from us and reached to the glistening glass case above the chalkboard. He opened the case carefully and almost lovingly, before reaching up and withdrawing the sword effortlessly. I trembled in my seat, a feeling of power swept over me and I longed to touch the sword the man held.
I looked up and gawked. A long, long number was printed on a piece of blasted copper that was tacked up beneath the case. It wasn’t until later that I would be able to read the full length of the pricey sword.
Master Gordon turned and I gasped. He allowed his red cloak to fall in folds around his feet, revealing the leather bound dueling suit beneath. He was no longer the stooped old man that hobbled around the school house. As he held the bejeweled sword, power seemed to echo off of him, strength shone in his gaze and he looked like a great war hero.
And then it was all over. He sighed and bent back over, setting the sword reverently down on the table he leaned on for support.
“Weighed by our standards she weighs five dragon scales. That is far too heavy for a quick and effective sword. Perhaps that is why the man who previously owned her sold her to me. Anyway, no manmade scale could properly weigh this sword. It is known simply as a mountain sword, crafted by the strange beings that live in the mountains. Dragons.... They siphon in the Diamond Rhombus’s power into the sword and combine it with their own intense magic. It is believed that it makes the most powerful weapon in the entire universe.”
Master Gordon was staring at me intently. I longed to tear my gaze away yet I glared back, staring the man down. At last I looked away. He had won the silent battle. How could I stand to gaze into those watery grey eyes? They held so much mystery and ancient knowledge there. I suddenly became afraid.
“Zavier.” I looked up and was surprised to see that Master Gordon was the one who had addressed me.
“Take her. What do you think?” He held the sword out as I rose to meet him and he passed her to my trembling hands. I expected to feel a heavy weighted sword and braced myself. I was wrong. The sword seemed weightless in my hands. Power surged through my limbs and I felt invincible. I swung her in the path I had learned to wield my wooden stick; a defensive position.
No. Like this.
It was odd voice that played in my head. An image flashed through my mind. I was standing in a complicated stance, the sword held in an unfamiliar position; an attack position.
My body moved fluidly and quickly to the same position I had imagined. I was almost there when Master Gordon snatched the sword away from me. A strange expression played across his face as he stared at me.
He looked away in silence and passed the sword to Karl who dropped it.
“Why’s it so heavy?”



“Look here now, sonny, sleeping on door steps is bad manners, now shoo.”
I was awakened to a sharp kick in my back and I rubbed my eyes groggily.
“Master Gordon?” I asked sleepily.
The man leaned forward and inspected my face closely.
“Ah! Zavier. What in the world are you doing here!?” The elderly man stooped down to help me up. He let out a sigh of slight disgust.
“Well, Zavier . . . You’re quite a mess now.” He let out a soft sounded snort of disapproval and turned away from me. Hobbling past me, he pulled a ring of keys out from his long heavy winter robe, quickly unlocking the school room door.
Normally, since I was fifteen, I only came to school twice a week and today was not one of my class days. I knew that the Master was mystified about my being here but he said nothing.
Master Gordon was a quiet man and spoke only when he had something worthwhile to say. He was a retired Swords master and I respected him more than any of my other teachers. He was ancient, yet he still wielded a sword better than any man I knew. He’d trained me every once in a while when I’d begged him to, but he mostly did book work nowadays.
Pushing the door open, he beckoned for me to follow. “What do you need, Zavier? I have much to do today. You are one of many unwanted disturbances.” He spoke grouchily as I closed the door quietly behind me. I could tell he was sidetracked, thus offsetting his normally understanding mood.
“I’ve come to . . . to buy a sword, Master Gordon,” I said shakily, sure he’d announce that he was no longer selling her. When he’d first taken it down, I’d seen the number underneath it: a price. The school was constantly selling different artifacts and such, but this sword had been for sale for decades.
Master Gordon motioned for me to come into his study. He had lit the oil in the large lamp, filling the room with dim light.
“Close the door behind you. Old people like me get cold too fast.” He pointed at the brick fire place and issuing a spark of magic, set the fire instantly ablaze.
“Which sword is that, Zavier?” His eyes shone as he turned to inspect me. I could feel his gaze search over me and I knew I didn’t look an inch the part the bearer of the sword I longed for.
“I just got in a new set from the Kings Calvary. There’s one I think you’ll like, she’s light and quick, a good sword. I think Ravole is her name.” He limped to the back of the room where a large ornate table sat. I could see several swords laying across it and my heart fell as despair filled me.
He turned, passing me Ravole. She was a well built sword but next to Valsephony she was nothing more than ill-tempered metal.
“You might want to take a look at her.” He passed her to me before proceeding to stumble around the cold room looking for his cane which he must have accidently left behind yesterday. It was leaning up against an old book case. A childhood memory was aroused at the sight of the old book-filled shelves.




Iram and I were whispering quietly as we pushed the heavy red painted door open.
“You first, Zavier. This is your own fault.” Iram shoved me forward and I stumbled through the door into Master Gordon’s office.
“Stop shoving, Iram!” I shoved him back and he fell to the floor, a sour expression on his face.
“Fine, Zavier! You can go in by yourself!” Iram was on his feet and gone in an instant. I felt my gut drop. My moral support was gone and it was my own fault.
I had been discovered in the forest fighting Karl using sticks for swords. Karl was losing and his knuckles were bleeding. I had been surprised when Mistress Angela had stepped from the forest behind Karl. Karl, not seeing her, had bashed me across the face with the stick.
“Boys!” Mistress Angela spoke firmly yet savagely. Her gaze bore into me, a strange longing look there.
“Karl. I want you to go see Principle Brackenspool. Zavier. You go to Master Gordon’s office. Now!”
So here I was in his office and no one was there. I let out a sigh of relief.
“What do you mean? To say our school is not good enough!?” I jumped as the voice echoed through the room. My gaze darted around yet no one was there. The voice had come from the bookshelf.
“Never, Mistress Angela. I think this academy suits the needs of this backwards little town just fine. I’m just telling you the child has more skill in his little finger than ten of the kings own men! The only reason I have remained in this sleepy little town is entirely because of that boy! ” a stern voice replied.
I crept closer to the book shelf and gasped. One of the shelves was on hinges and slid back a few inches. I crept around it and peeked through the slit. Master Gordon stood in the lighted chamber beside Mistress Angela and a woman that looked slightly familiar. I could not place a name on her.
The old woman spoke, her voice was crackled from age and it was evident she had been a diligent smoker in her younger years by her wheezing breath that filled the room.
“I think that what Gordon has to say is true. I have seen the boy. He is indeed a skilled swordsman. I doubt that the man who claims parentage over the boy would allow it…especially after today.”
Master Gordon shook his head. “I have seen things about this boy that no other soul has. He needs to be sent away, trained at the finest schools. I believe that this boy could well be the man I’ve been searching for all these years.”
Mistress Angela coughed.
“You’re losing it, Gordon, if you haven’t already lost it. Anyhow, he’s probably in your study waiting by now.”
Master Gordon smiled slyly.
“I should hope so.” He turned and I froze. He was staring directly into my eye that had been watching the whole scene. And then he smiled. An odd knowing smile as his eyes gleamed with that chilling depth of knowledge and power that had awed me before.



I stared at the bookshelf. The memory had left me. I looked up and saw that the Master was looking at the bookshelf too. He saw me glance up and gazed into my eyes.
“Ravole then?” I was caught slightly off guard and for an instant I had forgotten why I was even there.
“N-no,” I stuttered, ashamed of myself, setting the sword onto the desk. “I. . . I wanted to buy Valsephony.” I blurted out as I felt his hot gaze on me, sizing me up.
“Buy her?” I almost detected a hint of anger in his voice. “Whatever gave you the notion that she was for sale?” His voice shook, caused by what suppressed emotion I didn’t know.
“The. . .” I cleared my throat and continued, knowing now that it was hopeless; the decision had already been made. “The price tag underneath her casing, of course. I’ve been saving up for her ever since I saw her and you lowered her down for us students to handle, Master Gordon.”
He shook his head sadly. “My dear boy. Valsephony is a relic, that price stated there is how much I bought her for when I was twenty. She’s probably tripled in value by now. She was never for sale.” My heart sank as he continued his wobbly circling of the room and smiled. “I’m sorry, Zavier, but she’s a very special sword and I don’t think I could bring myself to sell her.”
My breath caught in my throat. I couldn’t breathe. What would happen now? Master Gordon smiled almost sadly.
“I see that your sights are set higher than anything the Kings Calvary would have to offer.” He turned towards a shelf to his right and I stood there feeling numb, wanting nothing more than to flee the scene of humiliation and bitter disappointment.
“Pepheny?” Master Gordon held out a beautiful sword, I couldn’t name the blue jewels placed in her hilt but she was narrow and feminine. As I grasped the hilt my heart fell, I couldn’t feel her the same way I could Valsephony, it was like holding a dead body.
“No,” I managed to choke out. I caught sight of an ancient sword lying in the drawer Master Gordon had opened. She resembled Valsephony to some extent though she was in much worse condition.
“Ah, Queleigh,” Master Gordon chuckled, noticing my point of attention. “I would offer her to you but I’m afraid she is useless, nothing more than an old relic.” His eyes were filled with remorse and I was surprised, it was almost as if he was as disappointed that he couldn’t sell me Valsephony as I was.
“I had best me leaving,” I managed to speak without too much emotion and sat the jeweled sword next to Ravole. Master Gordon was speechless as he nodded and I turned and left, hoping he’d call me back, but he remained silent.
I left the warm school house and sat on the chilly porch for a while, my dreams dashed in half. I let the rushing noise of the river wind itself through my head, cleansing my thoughts. Finally I rose. It was now or never, I needed to get clean.
I ran my fastest toward the stream. It spewed water up onto the bank as I neared but I refused to falter. It grew larger as I neared it, a gaping white maw ready to devour me.
“Zavier!” a voice hollered.
I skidded to a stopped inches from the rushing water but gravity pulled me toward the rivers icy depths anyway. I managed to fall backwards flat on my back. The breath was knocked out of me so I just lay there, panting heavily.
“Zavier!” I sat up and turned to see Master Gordon standing in the doorway. He waved at me, motioning for me to come. My heart sank; he probably wanted me to teach class today. I eyed the water once more, deciphering which would be worse before turning on my heels and running back to the school house.
“Yes?” I panted as I tried to catch my breath, my lungs burning from the cool air.
“Zavier . . . I. . . I want you to have this.” To my astonishment he pulled a sheathed sword from his billowing red robes and passed it to me hesitantly. The blue unicorn leather was soft yet old and there were a few bloody spots and scrapes too. I recognized the green jeweled hilt immediately. It was Valsephony.
“But, I could never have enough to pay for her,” I said digging into my heavy pocket. He reached out a hand and put it on my wrist, his other hand grasping the sword hilt.
“No, Zavier. I want you to have her; she wants to be wielded again. She’s tired of sitting and waiting. I would trust you more than any other man I know. Know this though, it is impossibly hard to bring myself to part with her after all these years. Bear her well and you will do great things,” he paused. “It is said, Zavier... that Valsephony is no normal Dragon sword... it is said that inside her beats a living heart. I never quite believed it until I saw you bearing her that day when you were just a small boy.” He patted my shoulder, grimacing.
“Lad; use that money will you? For a hot bath and a meal.” He smiled a small smile before he turned and returned to the school house once more.
I stood there speechless and stunned for a long moment before letting out a whoop as illation filled me, scaring a flock of wild mini dragons from a tree as they clucked loudly. I was the luckiest man in the Diamond Rhombus. I had a legendary sword and a pocket full of money. I smiled as I headed for the inviting Tideway Hot Springs and imagined what the future held in store for me.







He comes ever nearer. And yet I fear He will be too late. We must move on, staying in no spot for too long yet We are both reluctant to do so with Him so near. Why can not He hurry?





Last edited by DakotaK on Mon Aug 01, 2011 4:20 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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Love it, love it, love it!

I did see one thing you might consider working a little differently though.

(Second line of the first paragraph.)
As it lowered itself away from visibility, the air’s temperature dropped cruelly, causing me to shiver harshly.

You might consider using only one of your descriptive adjectives in this sentence. If you say: "the air’s temperature dropped cruelly," then you should probably just put, "causing me to shiver." Or you could do it the other way around. "the air's temperature dropped, causing me to shiver cruelly."

I like the description just be careful not to make it overly wordy. Other then that I can't see anything too major.

I can feel your story! Not very many people can write a story that I can really feel, well done!

Keep writing!
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I don't have much to say about this chapter: it was pretty solid, and aside from some odd wordings here and there, usually from trying to use descriptive words, it read pretty smoothly.

There are a couple of things that could use some tweaking though (as always). The flashbacks, for instance, could be incorporated a bit more smoothly, I think. Right now, you switch between present and flashback and back, and while there are transitions (and they're pretty good ones), the flashbacks are pretty chunky and noticeable as flashbacks.

You could perhaps rearrange things so that the flashbacks aren't so much flashbacks as they are part of Zavier's thoughts as he has them. Since you have Zavier sleeping for a bit in this chapter, the scene where he first sees and holds Valsephony could be rendered as a dream, and considering how important dreams seem to be in this story, it would tie in very nicely as a thematic element reinforcing that dreams = important. Meanwhile, the flashback about the bookshelf could perhaps be conveyed through a conversation with Master Gordon who noticed how Zavier was looking at the shelf. It would open up some more room for information and characterization, to boot, and the more things a single scene/element does at one time, the better and stronger that scene/element becomes.

One thing that slightly bothered me was how long Master Gordon delayed before giving Zavier Valsephony. While it's completely plausible that he's feeling torn about parting with his blade, the way the scene plays out, it struck me as just an excuse for Zavier to angst. If you were to perhaps draw the scene out after he refuses to sell her a bit, have Master Gordon offer other swords that are almost as good, which Zavier refuses (after maybe trying out a couple and comparing their feel to Valsephony's), it will help build up not only Zavier's anguish at not being able to have Valsephony, but it will also show your readers that Master Gordon has had time to consider just how much Zavier wants Valsephony as well as recall that time all those years ago when Zavier first held her.

The last thing I'd like to bring up is something that's been bugging me through all the chapters, though I forgot to mention it before: the brief scenes at the end of every chapter. They're so short, they relay nothing of relevance, they're horribly vague, and all they're really there for is to convey a sense of mystery (which they do so obnoxiously) and a sense of greater things. With how short there are, each little scene has just enough to be noticed, but not enough to really interest or show why it is important to the story and therefore worth reading. What would be more effective, in my opinion, would be to group these scenes together into larger, more substantial interludes that are spaced out a bit more. That way, you still have the foreshadowing and the tying in of the sisters into the story, but you will also have more room to elaborate upon things, show us more of the sisters so that they're just as much characters (albeit shrouded in more mystery and not as prominent as some others) as anyone else in the story.

Another thing you could do is have Imari communicate these things to Zavier through dreams. They have a connection, but so far in the chapters I've read, except for the first chapter and the one with the fire fairies, this connection really hasn't been shown. I think this dream connection could use a lot more development as not only could it be used to relay information, it could also be used to characterize Imari and Savy through what is shown and Zavier by how he reacts to and thinks of the dreams.

It would be a lot less blatant than the little snippets of text at the end of every chapter that practically scream "FORESHADOWING OF DOOOOOM".
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Just a few comments first:

The sun sank further and further down in the Eastern sky. As it lowered itself away from visibility, the airs temperature [This is phrased awkwardly and passively. I'd suggest something like 'there was a sharp drop in temperature' or 'the temperature declined cruelly' if you want something closer to what you had before.] dropped cruelly, causing me to shiver. It had rained recently and every cart that had passed by me had had the courtesy to make sure I got the best of their wheel spit and drenched me in mud. [Wheel spit was good. I loved it. But it was then ruined by 'drenched me in mud'. Try to keep the colloquial tone there. Maybe something like 'of their best wheel spit and a helping of mud'.] Thus I was caked in mud from head to foot, not to mention cold and hungry, tired and sore. I longed for my small bed and its thin cover. At least it was relatively clean.


A bit too much rambling about food in the next paragraph. It feels like you're trying too hard to make us pity him. It would be more effective if you under-played his hunger, showing us how normal that is to him. Let us decide for ourselves that he's had a hard upbringing instead of flashing it in our faces at every opportunity.

I slipped into unconsciousness, dreams and memories flitting through my mind as sleep claimed me. <<< You're a little wordy sometimes, especially when you're aiming to be dramatic! It would have been more effective here to simply type, 'I slept'. The shortness of it would reflect just how tired he was, too tired to go into any detail of dreams and memories.


“I am here this fine morning to show you my first sword. How I was lucky enough to find such a sword in all my inexperience then, I still can’t tell you to this day.” He turned from us and reached to the glistening glass case above the chalkboard. He opened the case carefully and almost lovingly, before reaching up and withdrawing the sword effortlessly. [Way too many adverbs in this sentence. You need to avoid using so many words ending in the same way! You could just about get away with carefully and lovingly but three is really pushing it.] I trembled in my seat, a feeling of power swept over me and I longed to touch the sword the man held.


Alright so I liked this chapter, though it could use a once over for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. There were too many to highlight them all so just make sure you give it a good proof-read at some point.

I agree with Kyllorac about the flash-backs - those could have been much smoother. To be honest, you should avoid them wherever possible. Or at least avoid making them a 'flash-back'. Slotting memories in is great but the briefer you can make them, while still giving the important details, the better. Also, what Kyllorac says about that final sentence? Spot on. It's far too over-dramatic for my liking and starts shouting, 'Hey look! I am an epic fantasy novel, take notice of me!'

That's all I have for this chapter!

Heather xxx
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