The Island of Queer

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Wrote kinda quick. Kind of about the innocence of childhood, and the overall good-heartedness that we lose when we're older. *sigh*


“W…where am I?”

Marianna opened her eyes as her head bumped into the leg of a chair. She rubbed the back of her head uncomfortably, sitting up to find that she was lying in a few inches of water as the tide rose onto the sandy shore. Other than a chair leg, she found that she was among multiple other miscellaneous objects - crumbling cardboard boxes, shoes without a pair, books, clocks, cards, socks, and just about anything else you can think of - all caught in the tangle of mangroves.

With one look, Marianna came to the realization of what had happened. She was on an island! And who knew where! Her eyes widened as she gazed out to the ever-expansive sea that had swallowed her ship whole.

Marianna sighed, pushing her salt-soaked black hair behind her ear, and scrambled onto the roots of the trees. Her yellow sundress was now in shambles, but her years as a seamstress wouldn’t be able to do much without any supplies. Her skin stung with cuts and sea-salt, but she supposed she’d be alright.

Well, as alright as anybody can be while most likely alone on an island.

She was surprised to hear the sound of…footsteps? Marianna turned to see that she’d been fooled; it must’ve been the lapping of the gentle waves against the tree roots.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Marianna screamed, jumping so frantically that she tumbled back into the water. Blinking, she saw a tiny girl hanging upside-down from the same tree where she’d just been sitting. She looked young, maybe six or seven, with gangly arms and legs that gave her a monkey-like appearance, despite the fact that she had a pretty face and startling green eyes. Her red hair was so long that it fell down to cause ripples in the tranquil green water below, and she moved with unusual grace as she maneuvered to reseat herself on the roots of the tree.

“A new girl,” the child marveled, squirming as if trying to contain her excitement. “We haven’t had anybody as old as you before.”

“We?” Marianna asked hopefully. She shook her head. “Wait, what do you mean as old as me? I’m only seventeen, there must be somebody on this island older than me.”

The girl’s mouth fell open. “Seventeen? Wow, you’re even older than I expected! Golly, Riddle’s the oldest and he’s only nine!”

“No grown-ups?”

“No,” she said cheerily.

Marianna was mortified. “Well then why are you all here?”

She shrugged. “This and that. None of us really remember, we just are. We don‘t s‘pose it matters anyway. We like it here.”

“And where is here?”

“Queer.”

No arguing with that, Marianna supposed. She lifted herself up, realizing once again how much her body ached. “Well how do you survive?”

“The giving place.”

“What?”

“Here. The giving place. Everything comes from here…everybody too. It just goes straight to the walk-on trees. Come on, I want to show you to the others before Idler takes credit for finding you. He doesn‘t do anything, but he sure says he does.”

Marianna blinked. “Idler and Riddle? Those are some strange names. Who are you?”

“Nixie,” she said happily. “We’ll give you a name, too.”

“I have a name; it’s Marianna.”

Nixie frowned, disapproving. “Nobody comes here with a name.”

“Is this whole thing a game?” Marianna asked in disbelief, but she was given no answer as the mangroves cleared and welcomed a large ring of treeless land. In the center was one very big tree, and on many of the wide, low branches hung clothes and more random objects. Looking closer, Marianna realized that there were holes above each of those branches that looked like very large woodpecker hollows. “I’ve never seen a tree like this,” she murmured in awe.

Then, a dozen different voices spoke from the tree:

“Someone new?”

“A new person!”

“Yay!”

“Gee-whiz!”

“Who found her? Who found her?”

Then, clamoring from the holes of the tree like ants was about a dozen kids. Most were Nixie’s age, a few older, a good number younger, but none who could be in their teenage years.

Before they could all pile up on Marianna, which they all seemed to plan on, there was a loud whistle, and the children stopped. From high atop the tree, Marianna looking past the rays of sunlight could see yet another child. It was a boy, and as he moved down the tree with almost inhuman ability Marianna could see the respect they had for him.

He wasn’t particularly good-looking, with very tan skin and shaggy black hair, a pair of deep brown eyes, and a nose that protruded sharply from his face like a hatchet. On his cheeks were faint spots and stripes, like Indian war paint. He gave a white-toothed smile that made him suddenly look much more likeable and friendly. “Hello, welcome to the Island of Queer. I’m the leader, Riddle.”

Marianna stared at him in surprise. “You’re pretty young for a leader.”

“Oldest on the island!” he objected.

Nixie pulled the hem of Marianna’s dress. “It’s his turn. He’s the best leader we’ve had, too.”

Riddle smiled gratefully. “Well, you all know the tradition! Nixie, you’re the Bearer of the Book, go get it!”

Nixie glided to the tree, crawling through the bottom and then popping up at the third bough on the right. She disappeared again, then returned with a very old book that said DICTIONARY on the side. The water-damaged pages opened at Riddle’s hands with numerous crackles, and the children seemed to wait expectantly. His finger fell on a single word. “Your name is Curiosity.”

The kids all chanted it four times, then whooped and cheered excitedly. “No, it’s not,” Marianna said with a roll of her eyes. “My name is Marianna.”

“No.” They all said it at the same time.

“Yes. This game is silly. I hate this game.”

Riddle frowned. “But that’s the way it is. Everybody does it. That’s what’s fair. Randomness is fair.”

“Well life’s not fair!” Marianna said irritably.

~*~

She left the fort, knowing it was stupid to get mad at her little sister and her friends for nothing but a silly game that she got dragged into playing after falling asleep on the lawn. Marianna turned to see them watching her, but they worried about it little and proceeded to play their game, where they all coincided well and decided upon next leader and Bearer of the Book.

Marianna walked into the house, only to hear her parents shouting at each other again. Her mother turned for a moment to acknowledge their daughter’s presence. “What is it, Marianna? Where have you been? You were supposed to go to work a half an hour ago!”

Marianna just stood there. “I told you I didn’t feel good Mom. I called in sick.”

“We need you to work, Marianna! This household can’t get by without you pitching in.”

“You don’t work. How’s that fair?”

“Life’s not fair!”

Marianna blinked, then reached for the door.

“Where are you going now?!” her mother snapped.

Marianna just smiled. “A little place called Queer.”

~*~

Nixie ran up along the mangrove shore to the giving place, finding a plate with half a peanut-butter sandwich (her favorite) and a jar of animal crackers, along with a key for who-knows-what and a note from Curiosity.

“What did you find, new leader?” Riddle asked eagerly.

“More things washed up,” Nixie said through a mouthful of sandwich. She handed him some animal crackers. From a distant rowboat, Curiosity watched with a smile and took a bite of her own half of the sandwich.
Last edited by StoryWeaver13 on Mon May 23, 2011 2:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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Ooh, I liked this. At first I was thinking this was a sort of Peter Pan-type scenario (really, I was thinking of the movie Hook), but as soon as the jolt to reality happened, I was all nodding and "very clever"-ing. Nice.

Writing-wise, this felt... really wordy. And stilted. A lot of it was sentence structure.

With one look, Marianna came to the realization of what had happened.

This is weirdly round-about. A quicker, more efficient way to write it would be:
It took her a moment, but Marianna realized where she was.

Nearly the same amount of words, but it flows a bit better. It helped shake up a lot of the "Marianna did this" "she saw this" sentences. Quite a few, if not most, begin with a person's name or a pronoun and then what they did. It's a perfectly serviceable structure, but after reading an entire story like that, it gets a bit boring and predictable. It's like hearing a fantastic story told by someone with the most dull voice ever.

“What is it, Marianna? Where have you been? You were supposed to go to work a half an hour ago!”

Marianna just stood there. “I told you I didn’t feel good Mom. I called in sick.”

“We need you to work, Marianna! This household can’t get by without you pitching in.”

“You don’t work. How’s that fair?”

“Life’s not fair!”

Marianna blinked, then reached for the door.

This conversation confused me a bit. What does Marianna do? Does she actually work in the house? Is it chores or an actual job? Is it there house? What does she mean when she says her mother doesn't work? Does she not have a job or does she just not help out at all? And while Marianna might be perfectly justified in saying that her mother doesn't work, without evidence, this just feels really... childish on Marianna's part. And not child-like, in the sense that Queer has, but in the "bratty half-pint" sort of way. What exactly is the point supposed to be here? It just seems like Marianna is shirking her responsibilities, rather than rediscovering her childhood. She seems nasty and petty rather than honest and good-hearted like the rest of the kids. This might just be because we have so little information here. But with what is here, I'm not inclined to like Marianna very much. Rediscovering lost innocence doesn't also have to mean completely throwing aside your adult sensibilities or responsibilities.

I liked this idea a lot though. I think with a little more pulling, a little more explanation of why Marianna would want to go back to Queer, this could be really, really awesome.

Feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions!

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.




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This just gave me the impression of a childhood story called Peter Pan. Some of the children live by the rules of a leader, that I can see quite clearly. Also, the one called Riddle is similar to Peter Pan. Both are leaders of a band of children on an island. You made a short and cute version of Peter Pan. I say keep writing for the sake of writing.
Look down and show some mercy if you can.
Look down, look down, upon your fellow man.

~~~Les Miserables



The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price