Island life

I climbed higher into the tree . It had been two years ago when my boat had washed up here on this island .Now as I look in the distance I saw ships. Finally ships!



Two years before

A vacation! That`s what I`ll have. I thought happily to myself as I got on the computer. Work as a journalist had been very stressful lately as I scrounged our peaceful little town for news . I decided to go on a cruise not a fancy one just a small cruise with a hundred or so people. That sounded wonderful.

In two weeks I was ready to go I left the neighbor feeding instructions for my picky cat Herminone (after a harry potter character which I loved) I was packed including my laptop and a few books .This was going to be great! I got to the docks to get on the boat. When I saw, it I stopped. This was the cruise? This was a row boat with people ! Our ship was small and not painted. It looked like it could easily be crushed by one of the surrounding ships. "Well to late to back out now "I said as I got on the boat making the worst desion of my life or, so I thought.

When we crashed on the island I looked through ruins of the ship for survivors . I lifted boards getting a million splinters in my hands. The only thing I found alive was a baby missing an arm. She died in less than fifteen minutes of me finding her I buried her under a palm tree . I cried all night. I cried for 4 days before stopping. After that I was alone.How was I the only one that lived? I remembered thinking Why? . I was alone I felt like I wanted to die like the baby like the hundreds of people in the ruins a little bit away from me. They haunted me in the slight wind blow I could hear them Why did we die? Why couldn`t you save us? My baby! My baby! .I imaged seeing them what they were saying how the baby`s parents would feel. Dead, they would feel dead. I set to building shelter. I had to. I had to survive .



Present Day

I looked down on that little grave now I had started calling the girl Maryanne after the ship that killed her. I looked at my little hut I had made in a tree.This was my home now was I ready to go back? I could still see the ships they where sailing closer . I looked around then let out a shrill whistle . Mujo, my monkey came running. I had adopted him when his parents died and he came to my hut for shelter. Mujo perched on my shoulder kind of like a bird and looked out at the ocean he saw the ships and started pointing "Ou Ou !" He said excitedly I nodded my head yes then no 'Should I go back Mujo?" I asked him quietly. He hugged me around the neck. Then pointed at the hut. I climbed up the tree and went in. I was greeted by loud squawks and hisses "Oh be quiet you two," I said in the direction of Keka the parrort and Selvester the broken boa. Keka was missing a wing, I had no idea why, but finding her reminded me of Maryanne, whom I had found missing an arm. Selvester I had no idea about, he seemed just fine but I found him half starved. I had found them both on the same day when I went to look for food . It was an unlikely match but they were inseparable ,best friends. I fed them and Mujo, then went to sit besides Mayna this poor animal hadn`t made a noise since I had found her half dead mauled by her mother. "How are you today?" I asked the black teenage panther her face was scarred. She looked at me . I had tried letting her go but she wouldn`t leave the front door .

If I left who would take care of them? No one ,there is no one else here. That should have been motive enough to wanted to leave,but it wasn`t . Mayna nudged me "Oh did I forget your food ? I`m sorry" I grabbed a fish from a jar and tossed it to her . She ate it quickly Then turned to look at me " Meow?" I was stunned and my mind was made up. I tossed Mayna another fish then layed down for a nap, tomarrow I would go fishing again, I was running low. I needed food since I lived here. And I wasn`t going to change that.


Thanks Vitamincakes! for giving me the topic Of someone getting stranded on a island!

Hello! In general, I noticed you had a lot of typos that could have been fixed by just proofreading it before you sent it here. As a reviewer, I know, for one, that I'd rather be able to not have to fix any typos and just review the meat of your story. As for your actual content, I think you have the basis for a very good story already down. You could flesh it out a little more, for example go into more detail about the crash. What was the main character feeling? Why did it happen? Also, you could spend a bit more time writing about her on the island. In the beginning, she wanted to get off, right? Show that, don't tell. Show how over time, she changed her mind.

I really liked the ending. It was a bit of a surprise and it definitely made the story less cliche.

I'm going to edit it paragraph by paragraph. My editings are in red; my comments/suggestions in blue. Remember, there just my suggestions. You don't have to take them.

I climbed higher into the tree. It had been two years ago when my boat had washed up here on this island. Now as I look in the distance, I saw ships. Finally, ships! But would I be able to leave my life here? [I think you should get rid of the last sentence (or the whole paragraph) because the ending should be a surprise.]

Two years before
A vacation! That's what I`ll have, I thought happily to myself as I got on the computer. Work as a journalist had been very stressful lately as I scrounged around our peaceful little town for news. I decieded to go on a cruise-- not a fancy one, just a small criuse with a hundred or so people. That sounded wonderful. [Thinking should be in italics or something else to differentiate it from regular narration. Or, you could take it out of italics and get rid of "I thought happily to myself as..."

In two weeks I was ready to go. I left the neighbor feeding instructions for my picky cat Herminone (after J.k Rowlings' books which I lovedNamed for a character in Harry Potter, of course.) I was packed including my laptop and a few books .This was going to be great! got to the docks to get on the boat. When I saw it I stopped. This was the cruise? This was a row boat with people! Our ship was small and not painted. It looked like it could easily be crushed by one of the surrounding ships.

"Well to late to back out now " I got on the boat, making the worst decision of my life-- or so I thought.

Right here you should add more about life on the cruise. Was it bad? Good? Mediocre? Why? Did she make friends that would later die in the crash?

When we crashed on the island I looked through ruins of the ship for survivors.[What were her feelings during the crash? What was it like? What happened? Where did it crash? Who did she want to save the most?] I lifted boards getting a million spliters in my hands. The only thing I found alive was a baby missing an arm. She died in less than fifteen minutes of me finding her. I buried her under a palm tree. [Gah, a baby just died and the main character doesn't shed a tear? Shouldn't the main character be in shock from the crash, too? What's going through her head? What's the island like?]

Here you should show how she figures out how to survive and how she finds her animal friends. You should also show how her opinion of the island changes over time.



Present Day
I looked down on that little grave. now I had started calling the girl Maryanne after the ship that killed her. I looked at my little hut I had made in a tree. This was my home now. . . was I ready to go back? I could still see the ships thatwere sailing closer.

I looked around then let out a shrill whistle . Mujo, my monkey, came running. I had adopted him when his parents died and he came to my hut for shelter. Mujo perched on my shoulder kind of like a bird and looked out at the ocean. He saw the ships and started pointing.

"Ou Ou !" He said excitedly.

I nodded my head yes then no. 'Should I go back Mujo?" I asked him quitely.

He hugged me around the neck, then pointed at the hut. I climbed up the tree and went in. I was greeted by loud squacks and hisses "Oh be quiet you to," I said in the direction of Keka the parrot and Selvester the broken boa [What do you mean by 'broken boa'? Why does she have so many animals? Go into more detail about how she finds them, how she feels about them, etc.]. I fed them and Mujo the went to sit besides Mayna. This poor animal hadn`t made a noise since I had found her half dead, mauled by her mother.

"How are you today?" I asked the black teenage panther whoseface was scarred. She only looked at me that`s all. I had tried letting her go but she would leave the front door. [She would or wouldn't?]

If I left who would take care of them? No one, there is no one else. That should have been motive enough to wanted to leave,but it wasn`t That should have made me want to leave, but it didn't. Mayna nudged me
"Oh did I forget your food ? I`m sorry." I grabbed a fish from a jar and tossed it to her. She ate it quickly

Then She turned to look at me " Meow?" I was stunned and my mind was made up. I tossed Mayna another fish then layed down for a nap. Tomarrow I would go fishing again; I was running low. I needed food since I lived here. And I wasn`t going to change that.

Okay, so yeah, lots of typos. Remember, you need to show and not tell. I tried to help you a bit with that by asking questions, but I didn't ask about everything.

In all, I think you have a good basis for a story here. It could (and probably should) be expanded upon because right now you're doing a lot of telling and not showing. Well, thanks for sharing and keep writing!

This was an interesting story idea, but like Silver pointed out there are a LOT of typos, which makes it really hard to read. Also, it didn't transition well. It just needed more of a flow, and to be less rushed. I would've liked it to have had less telling and more showing, if you know what I mean.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver