Winter is fading. Pink flowers are blossoming. Happiness has come.
Hello, I doubt you will take the time to look at this signature, you are all busy people and I respect that, but if you do know this. Every bit of criticism on my writing has helped and every bit of advice you have given me has also helped. So thank you, for everything. From CuteJackRussell xoxox
This is really beautiful. You handle the form perfectly and use language and imagery with precision. I love how you specify the color of the flowers.
My only small quibble is your use of full-stops. In a different form of poem they would be perfectly used, but since this is a haiku I don't think that you really need them.
Hope this helps,
Jas
"Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise." -Maya Angelou
I'm not really a huge haiku person because they're so short (I mean who can really express something that quickly?) but this was pretty nice. My only real problem is that they're all chopped-up sentences, so I'd switch one or two periods out for commas. Keep writing, StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
Okay, so the thing is that you only have a limited amount of syllables in a haiku to pack the most amount of punch, right? So you have to be super selective of what you use as words in your haiku. With that said, I think you could have packed in a lot more punch in your poem about spring. Let's look at your poem, shall we?
Winter is fading. <-- This is kind of a no-duh sort of line. But think... instead of saying "Winter is fading" you can shorten it and say, "Winter fades." Or "snow melts." Or something like that. So you don't explicitly have to talk about the winter fading and use a lot of syllables for it. So, for instance, you can say, "Snow melts into streams" or something like that and you give the same sort of meaning with more interesting imagery. So, don't be afraid to do this!
Pink flowers are blossoming. <-- Again, you use the passive voice, which eats away two of your syllables. You can say instead (for instance!) "pink blossoms blanket our pool." Which is what just happened to my place, lol. Our swimming pool took forever to clean! But it was all good. So, instead of saying something matter-of-fact, you can transform it into something really creative and neat.
Happiness has come. <-- Here is the part I don't quite like... happiness is such a weird word to use. Why is happiness associated with spring and not in winter? What if people disagree with you... like they have bad allergies with the blossoms and everything? Little things like that. Anyway, I would rather you say something a little more punchy.
Best of luck!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
