Dementia

[DELETED]

Thanks for reading!

I loved this story! You're an excellent writer, and if you didn't say you wrote this on your ipod in a hospital I would never have guessed. The story kept my interest throughout, and had some really strong emotion. There weren't any obvious grammatical errors that I could find while reading. I do have one suggestion though:

"You're not crazy." His eyes shine.

"You're just getting what you deserve." And he's back inside the room, and you're still outside, where you know she's looking for you.

You shouldn't have put a space in between these two lines. The next line should have just gone right after "his eyes shine".


I also think you should have done something to make it a litte clearer that you were going back to the past, when the narrator was talking to their mother. At first I wasn't sure if they were just "seeing" her, or if it was an actual conversation.
I was a bit confused throughout the story as well, but it was more in a way that kept me thinking. However, maybe you should make the ending a little clearer, just so the reader knows exactly what happened. I'm assuming the mother killed herself after the narrator left. Perhaps you could give us some more detail as to how soon after, why the mother relied on the narrator so much, and why the brother was so angry even though he didn't seem to do much more to help.
Anyways those are just some suggestions.
Overall, I think you have an incredible story here. It could use some improvements, but so far so good

Ohh and btw...I love the combination of your name and the little message underneathe. Ahahahah