Plague

"My hand! You stabbed my hand!" Eric screamed. "Why won't the blood stop? PLEASE! Make it stop!" The wound leaked drips and it stained the carpet. I held the arrow, stunned and my nerves temporally cripped my speech. I wanted to answer my friend's pleas but words escaped me. All I could think was that I was possessed. By nothing more then sheer evil. I had been infected by the plague and I’d only get madder as the days went on. First the hand, then death the evil would get stronger till no more of me was left. I’d be pure evil, unaware of what I was doing to those around me. I would not be able to distinguish between my friends and enemies. Everyone would be foreign to me, as though I never new them. Anything that would come in my path would be destroyed or contaminated. Thus passing the disease further on. I new I had to run away and hope, I didn’t attack anyone. Or my other option was to do the unthinkable. And I sure as hell didn’t want to think about that. The scariest part of the plague, was that you couldn’t tell by looking at the person who was effected, only once they attacked. By that stage it was too late. Fortunately I hadn’t made contact with Eric directly, he was safe unless I had my next attack around him.

“I’m sorry mate you’ve got to get away. I haven’t control over myself, go before I lose my mind, you’re my best mate this is our final goodbye.”
“Eric looked up into my pleading eyes he new it wasn’t my fault, he new I was possessed, yet he didn’t run like most would and did. His fear and agony over the stabbed hand stoped the minute the words left my lips.
“I can’t leave you you’re my best mate, we where to be together through the good and the bad that’s what mates do.”
“Yes I know. But there’s always an exception to the rules and this is one of them. If you stay you will die, or be contaminated. And I will not be myself, it would be to painful for you to see, me lose my knowledge of you and see me attack innocent people.”
Eric nodded a sign of recognition “well bye then” he wept tears streaming down his pail checks. And with that he turned and walked away, nursing his blood drenched hand. I felt so ill and alone, I new I’d never see him again. I just prayed that he would not be infected by somebody else.

Tears streamed down my face like a waterfall, as I picked up the pen and began to write. Knowing that any minute now, I may have another attack id have to do it quickly.

Dear Mum, Dad and Janice

I love you with all my hear,t that’s why I must do what have to do. I can not risk infecting you, in not long I wont even remember your names. I won’t remember your smiling faces and the good and the bad memories. That we’ve have together. I don’t want you to be sad for we have had a good time together. It is through love that I must do this, and for the protection of you .If I could come home for one last good bye I would but it would be to risky, since I have already attacked Eric. But don’t worry he’s fine apart from a stabbed hand. Look after him for me and be careful as you can’t afford to be infected to.

Goodbye your loving son Henry

PS: did I mention that I love you? and under no circumstances are you to try and find me you are at to greater risk if you do.

I seeled the envelope and propped it up against the salt and pepper shakers that sat in the middle of our table. I took one last stroll around the house to soak up the memories while they lasted. And to find a lantern to take to the cabin and some supplies. Janice and I use to play in it as children, no one went there anymore a far as I new. I steeped out into the summer night air and walked through the gate that marked the end of our property. And strolled into the forest. I could only see a little in front of me. I had to be careful that I didn’t trip. I finally arrived at the cabin. I opened the door it creaked on its hinges, inside the furniture was covered in a thick layer of dust. I decided I’d clean it up in the morning. Laying down on the bed I went into dreamy thoughts.

MORE TO COME IF I GET OVER MY WRITERS BLOCK!

Hmmm....life threatening contagion is always an interesting topic. My only suggestion is that you check this for spelling errors. I look forward to seeing where you take this story.

Run this through spell-check once. You don't have to proofread. You don't have to use the much more reliable Spell-As-You-Go. Just run it through spell-check and take a look at the number of spelling mistakes strewn liberally throughout the story. Is it really that hard to spell "crippled" right? Or "sealed"? Wait, don't answer that. But do proofread your work. Please, for the love of god and his countless bunnies. Your readers will thank you. I'll thank you. Copy & paste this into a word-processing document like Word or WordPerfect; turn on the Spell-As-You-Go feature, and take a look at all the mistakes you've made. And fix them.

... okay, now that that's said, let's talk about your story.

Eric doesn't sound especially realistic about being stabbed. It's nice to let your readers know via dialogue that the character has been stabbed, but it just doesn't work here. It doesn't sound realistic — and, more importantly, it doesn't sound convincing.

You'e on the right track with the screaming, though.

Remember that after dialogue, a new paragraph starts. So "The wound leaked drips," should actually be the start of a new paragraph. That massive block of solid text shouldn't be so massive and solid and textalicious; it should be several smaller blocks of solid texty goodness. Know your paragraphs and use them appropriately.

Also, after this exciting beginning wherein one of the characters has a lovely stabbing, you descend into a lengthy expository spiel and it's, quite frankly, tedious and boring and completely undermines anything you might've had going for you in that opening sequence. The massive infodump, less than two paragraphs (or, going by your formatting, less than one paragraph) into the story, is thoroughly unappealing. You need to hook your reader into the story and then (if you really really must, although I'd advise against it) deluge them with information about the plague. I don't even think it would've been as bad if it wasn't such a drastic contrast to the excitement that you've built in that opening stabbing. After something so cool, the infodump makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

Also — be sure to check your punctuation. Punctuation = good.

It would also be best if this were a part of a larger story, instead of this segment all by itself- at this point, we don't really know who these people are or what they're doing, and as such, we don't really have to care what happens to them. When you're writing a story, it's sort of important that the reader cares about your character, or they won't read any longer, correct?

So...this would be an interesting concept in a further story, or it would be best to write a little intro so we know what's going on- when you've got an action-packed story like this, it's best not to just dive right in.