The Color Orange ~ Chapter 3

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I was the first to wake. Nixxie was breathing in patterns; inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale. And Vhane was curled on the ground, with his hand on Nixxe’s stomach. I glanced at them; I could so easily run away right now. But where would I run?

No, I would stay. See how it goes, than, if needed, run.

I peeked my head under Nixxie’s wing, just to see hundreds of people surrounding us.

“Nixxie. Nixxie. Psst. Nixxie!” I whispered. She stirred slightly. “There are people taking pictures of you.”

She jolted with that. “Vhane. Vhane, arise! Awaken! You are needed.” She nagged.The elf stirred. “People are taking pictures.” He stiffened with a cruel looking glare in his eye.

“Not for long.” He hissed. He walked where I was, a small opening in Nixxie’s wings where he could peek his head out.

He whispered a few words, there was an ear-shattering boom!!!

I jolted, covering my head. Another boom. And another. Two more; three more.

“It is okay, Pascale. I’m doing it to draw their attention away from us. It’s like an explosion in the sky.” He explained as
my heart settled. I nodded slightly.

I could hear feet pounding away when I put my ear to the ground.

“Can you talk to him for me again?” I asked.

“Can I what?” Nixxie asked.

“Talk. To. Vhane. For. Me!”

“Well, you don't have to shout!” She pouted.

“Tell him… no, ask him if he actually heard about me from the sky… or if he had seen me before.”

She relayed my question. “I heard about you from the sky. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I don’t think so.”

He acquired a confused, puzzled, and worried look. “No. I was laying in a grass field, daydreaming, when a storm rolled in. An eerie voice boomed, saying that a peculiar girl named Pascale needed help.”

“No. I’ve seen you before. I don’t know precisely what date; but I was around seven, so five years or so ago. It was a very strange storm; with strange lightning that bore no thunder. And someone appeared in front of my window; it was you. At least, it had the same eyes as you did. And the same basic shape. And then you saw me, right after my father beat me for the second time. And you just vanished.”

She told Vhane my story.

“Ah, you remember that battle, do you not?” He asked Nixxie as she opened up her wing.

“Yes. I fought with the fair dwarf warrior Chelin. You rode on your gryphon that day, right?”

“Yes, I was on Daila.” He said with a small smile, before turning back to me. “But that wasn’t me at your home. Were there any differences?”

I thought long and hard. “He had a sort of… hostile feel around him, I guess.”

“Nothing else?”

I shook my head. He sighed. “If you remember anything else, get back to me. I have suspicious… but I hope they aren’t true.”

He hefted himself up. "A good distance away is a small town for elves- Luciville. We’ll rest the night there, and get you
your own dragon mount.”

I nodded again, trying to focus in on the image that was in my mind, of that stranger. I climbed onto Nixxie, thinking so diligently that I was barely coherent. If I could only bring back the whole memory!

Think, think, think!

I felt like something switched in my mind as gears began turning.

2-51-712-21-712-32-332-137? I jumped; what the- 1-732-02-0! I shook. I wanted it to end quickl-1-92-32-0312-23!

I barely knew I was crying. I was just so confused!

“Pasca-” 2-51-712-251-81-81-731-811-952-11-0 “-rong?!”

“I can’t hear you!” I yelped. I felt like I was in an ocean, being periodically slammed by waves of numbers.

Something shook my shoulders, but I couldn't awaken, curling into a tight ball. As tight as I could make myself.

Blank. Complete silence. No numbers; no thoughts. I couldn’t hear myself think. Maybe I controlled these numbers- I didn’t have to fear them.

I tried to think a very simple though: I am mute.

511-31-382-23.

I want to speak.

52-512-12-22-261-82-3311-6.

Woah!

2-5611-7!

“Pascale?”

“I don’t know how to stop thinking in numbers!”


5762-1’2-21-62-162-51-762-52-261-82-262-31-8311-652-11-052-12-181-331-41-8!

“Calm down, Pascale. Breathe. In, out… in, out.”

I followed his instructions, breathing in patterns.

“Now, tell Nixxie what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know how to stop thinking in numbers.”

5762-1’2-21-62-162-51-762-52-261-82-262-31-8311-652-11-052-12-181-331-41-8.

She must have said out loud what I told her.

“Focus on letters. It could help.” He theorized.

A! A!

No numbers.

“Tell him he’s a genius!”

He replied with a wide smile. “Listen, here is the plan. We’re flying to Luciville. It’s near Omak- a few miles east. Close enough to go there to get resources; Far enough to mask any hints we aren’t human.”

I nodded, a smile still dancing on my lips.

“I’ll give you some money and let you wander through the place. You won’t get lost. If you do, use some money to buy a map from a merchant,”

“Ask if I can just stay with him.”

He shook his head. “No. I have… business to attend to and I will be talking to a being that wouldn’t take kindly to your presence. You know what I’ll do? I’ll get you a little Glaby. You’ll be fine.”

“A Glaby?”

“It’s a little creature that has amazing sense of direction; if you’re lost, you’ll be able to get back to me. It wears an electric collar, so I just buzz it and an electrical impulse is sent to its brain. And it’ll be able to find me.”

“How big is it?”

“Like the size of a Labrador. Same shape, too; just smarter.”

“They sound expensive.”


“They are by no stretch of even affordable value for most. But by no stretch am I poor, either. I am on King’s duty; you
need not worry about mon-” He stopped short. His face flushed as she stammered. “Why did I say that? I shouldn’t have said that, for the love of Gods, I should not have said that!”

“You didn’t hear anything from clouds!”


“We are finished with discussion.”

I was about to interrupt, but didn’t. It was one of my father’s favorite excuses from beating me. Why would this stranger be any better than him?

I kept my mouth- and thoughts- sealed.
"Fantasy is a way of looking through the wrong end of the telescope."

"The writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads!"

~Dr.Seuss.




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Ooh, the numbers return. To be important?

Again, this seems sort of out of the blue. Maybe if she had wondered about the numbers earlier, or she sort of thought back to how Nixxie had said she was thinking in numbers. I mean, she was obviously thinking words there, even if what Nixxie heard was numbers. So why is she thinking numbers now? Does she have some sort of connection with numbers? Why?

I'd like to see a little more of Pascale's history. We get a bit of her memories here, but I'd like to see more of her past unconnected with Vhane and the gang. Like, has she always been mute? What happened to her mother? And her brother for that matter? We got tantalizing hints that didn't have any information, but piqued our interest. Follow through on them a little. Let us know where Pascale is coming from, that she would be desperate enough to follow these strange folks that, until meeting, she was sure couldn't really exist.

A little more description would be nice for the setting here. Have they crossed over into another realm? I think they did last chapter, but it all happened so quickly that I wasn't sure. And I don't know how this one is any different. Are they still surrounded by people? Where did the people come from? What are the explosions doing? Distracting them? Are they going to get away? I can't really see any place here where they start to move away from the crowd. Take the time to give us a little information. Everything is going by so quickly, I don't have a handle to grab onto and ground myself and so the story is sort of losing me.

So, characters and setting. Explore them a little more. Slow down a little. Take the time to have a quiet moment of just conversation, rather than information-giving. Maybe Vhane asks if she is all right? What if she says no? What if she says yes? How would he make her feel better, convince her that she is doing the right thing? Stuff like this, little moments of character development, add so much to the humanity of a story.

Dun dun dunnnnn, secrets. Seems like Vhane is leaving her right after finding her. How does she feel about this? I mean, you have a sentence or two about how she is realizing that she doesn't know that these people will be any better than her dad. So expand on that. How does that make her feel? Angry? Upset? Hurt? Does she care? Get us inside her emotions a little, showing us her actions. A little here and there will go a long way.

Feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions!

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain