Feathers of a Raven

Feathers of a Raven


A demon within his soul,
Masked by black feathers,
Dark eyes search the world,
Looking for his butterfly,
The remains of his sweet love,
Scattered on the ground,
The demon had been released,
Raging fire lapped the land,
His mind corrupted and shattered,
It seemed like a glimpse
Of Hell itself,

Licking over trees,
Scraping up dirt,
Leaving meaningless scars,
And all of it,
Was on his little butterfly,
The feathers of the raven,
Lay upon the ground,
Dark like ashes,
Broken dreams,
A memorial for his butterfly,
Who was able to withstand the pain,
Of a broken heart,
Bruises of the raven’s makers,
Abuse from his mind,
Until her wings gave out

Hey there! Your title caught my attention right off the bat, but when I started to read, it just didn't flow right for me. Don't get me wrong, this is a great piece, painting interesting images, but it was almost a really long run on sentence. It might just be me. As a reader I felt like you were just telling me what to see, instead of describing images, drawing in my senses, and engaging my out imagination to interpret what you wrote. This could be more like prose, but don't take my word for it. Great Job! Keep it up!

It's always hard to review poety because it's so personal so some people might not like the way other people like. i though this was a very interesting piece. i thought i sort of understood what was going on...slightly. the imagry was really good, but i just didn't follow your line of thought. it sort of seemed more like a stream of conciounceness to me. (don't think i spelled it right but oh well, it's late and i'm tired.) all in all, i think you can polish this up really nicely and make it a great piece if you touch just a smidgion more of specifics. i really liked this piece and look forward to reading more of your wonderful poetry.