We All knew It Would Happen In The End

Two can play at this game,
but only one can win.
Now things can never be the same.
Why'd you bring him up again?

You said that he was gone,
banished from your life.
You said that you were wrong,
this would be the last time.

But now you'd walk through hell for him.
Would you do the same for me?
I doubt the thought had crossed your skin.
I knew you could never see.

Because if you could, then you would know
that all of this was killing me.
And if you could, then you would know
that this will be the end of me.

Can you hear me screaming now?
Can you see what I've become?
It's all your fault I'm bleeding out.
It's all your fault I hold this gun.

-BANG-

Hello, I'm Jojo!
And I shall be your reviewer for today.
You have sort of a reputation for doing flawless work and stuff, but I think I can actually stick to a real review on this one.
So here I go.
Grammar is in red.
Others are in blue.

MattLangg wrote:Two can play at this game.
Or at least one can win.
Now things can never be the same.
Why'd you bring it up again? *Why not say "him' in stead? If you mean "it", by the story itself, that's fine. But it just flows better if you keep the pronoun constant.

You told mesaid that he was gone,;
banished from your life.
AndYou said (that) you were wrong,
that it would be the last time.

But now you'd walk through hell for him.
Would you do the same for me?
I doubt the thought crossed your skin.* Just seems like a desperate attempt to rhyme. Doesn't make sense. I'd stick to "mind" or try a different lines pair altogether.
I knew you could never see.

Because if you could, you would you'd know
that all of this was killing me.
And If you could, then you would know
that this will would be the end of me. *inconsistent tense, there.

Overall:
I like the idea that you have here, the poem is nice, and it doesn't reveal too much.
I'd just touch up a few problem areas, drop the rhyme if it doesn't make sense, and actually add something to your poem that would make it more than just a few pretty and over-used love-story-words.
Other than that. nice job!

Keep Writing!
-----------------
-Jojo

Two can play at this game.
Or at least one can win. If two are playing, only one can actually win? At least, that's what I think. Maybe change this to something like "But only one can win." (Also, if you were to decide to change it like that, I would consider making the period at the end of the first line a comma)
Now things can never be the same.
Why'd you bring him up again?

You said that he was gone,
banished from your life.
You said that you were wrong,
that it would be the last time.

This [number 2] stanza is out of place with your rhyme scheme - "life" and "time" is a big stretch.

But now you'd walk through hell for him.
Would you do the same for me?
I doubt the thought crossed your skin. An interesting concept, I'm intrigued by your choice of "skin" here, because thoughts generally cross your mind.
I knew you would never see. Just a thought - could worked fine, but would sounds better to me.

Because if you did you would know Also just a thought, to fit with the would. (This actually sound better tense wise, because you've been using present up until this stanza)
that all of this is killing me. "Was" didn't fit the tense you've been using through the poem.
And if you did, then you would know
that this will be the end of me.

I like the idea of your poem, but it seems a little weak. It's very surface - this is what's happening. It might be interesting for you to delve into the emotions a little deeper, to really flesh out the narrator's pain, instead of just stating it all out right.

This is very good, really. You used rhyme and it didn't sound forced or awkward. Good job on that .

Some nitpicks:

- The rhyming structure falters in the second and picks up again in the third stanza, this seems out of place. I'd suggest you keep the rhyming structure consistent throughout the whole poem, the whole thing just looks better if you do.

- With the third line of the third stanza. I think that the word 'ever' should be added.

MattLangg wrote:I doubt the though ever crossed your skin.

Because it will flow better and even up the syllables a bit. At the moment you have this:

MattLangg wrote:But now you'd walk through hell for him. 8
Would you do the same for me? 7
I doubt the thought crossed your skin. 7
I knew you could never see. 7

But if you put 'ever' in, the syllables will have a patter 8,7,8,7 and poems with rhyming and syllable patterns are generally more pleasing to read, in my opinion.

Overall, very impressing really, the rhyming pattern was (mostly) followed throughout the poem. The content was good. No major critiques really.

EDIT: Sorry, Bella was right putting ever in would make it nine syllables.
Thanks for pointing it Bella

I agree and disagree with Miracles.

An extra syllable would help that line, but "ever" would make it 9 syllables, and a syllable too long.

I'd suggest making it something like

"I doubt the thought had/has crossed your skin."

That's all