Okay?

I did my own unique rhyming scheme. Enjoy.

In front of God I plea
“Let something good happen to me!”
My prayers have ceased
somewhere on this page
My hope became pieced
That God above,
crushed my love.
Passion that spoiled
Evaporation, like water boiled
The anger that kept my heart beating
left with my bleeding
I lost my soul
In its spot is a gaping hole.
Once I was hateful,
made it so I will never be tasteful
So bland and flaked,
but my love was never fake.

I liked this poem very much as far as content but as for the rhyme scheme it was almost as if it was forced to rhyme. Rhyme should come naturally, or flow well in the very least.

My favorite bit was "Passion that spoiled, evaporation, like water boiled". This line is simply eloquent and nice sounding.

One mistake was 'beeting' instead of 'beating', a miniscule thing, but still a mistake. Overall a very nice poem. It was pleasant to read.

Keep writing and best of luck!
Taylor Levine-Mayer

Why is this poem called okay.But the rhyming was good.well rename this poem and it was a good one.

Not my usual cup of tea. However, I ended up reading and liking it.

As to what the first reviewer said, I agree that rhyme shouldn't be forced.. but the semi-random rhyme scheme prevented that from popping out very obviously. That same irregular rhyme scheme, combined with the short, staccato lines, made the poem read very quickly, which is good and bad...
On the good side: it hid some of the imperfections (as mentioned above) and kept my attention as a reader, preventing me from questioning it too much.
On the bad side: re-reading the poem is a bit disappointing because, given a slow read-through, the disjointedness is made evident. The background details are not mentioned, leaving the reader mildly confused and disinterested (the former can be good, the latter not so much). The last few lines seemed a bit tangential to the poem, even like something of a blunt moral.

Shed some light onto what is going on with the narrator, with the same or an altered rhyme scheme, and the poem will be that much better.

Overall, an oddly enjoyable piece; keep writing!

I don't know. Rhyming poetry never does it for me. Also the subject matter of this poem is so cliche and overdone... you should find a new avenue. Try sensory details: I believe that poem should appeal to the senses, we perceive the world through our senses so it makes sense. I like the word 'flaked.' Best word.

In front of God I plea
“Let something good happen to me!”(don't actually rhyme)
My prayers have ceased
somewhere on this page
My hope became pieced
That God above,
crushed my love.(you're rhyming scheme is very confusing as well as your structure- I have a hard time following)
Passion that spoiled
Evaporation, like water boiled
The anger that kept my heart beating
left with my bleeding
I lost my soul
In its spot is a gaping hole.
Once I was hateful,
made it so I will never be tasteful
So bland and flaked,
but my love was never fake.


I didn't liked it very much- I don't think you should have invented such a complex rhyming scheme- as it's very confusing- and quite the headache to read, I read your poem three times- and I'm still uncertain as to what it's about.

Sorry if I was harsh,
SubjectBlue.

I agree with SubjectBlue, I have no clue what this was about. It sounded nice and beautiful and smooth, but when I finished, I was just confused. Also, your rhyming is good at the end, but the beginning is off. Still, I think this could be a very good poem, if you sat down and took a moment to straighten it out, find a meaning for it. Just, figure out what you're trying to say, and then figure out how to say it. After that, add the imagery and all. Rhythm and rhyme can follow, or not.
Especially the tasteful line just seemed completely out of place. And in some place your words rhymed too much, to the point where I thought you were repeating words.
I hope I was helpful and not harsh, this could be very good, it has potential, but it sounds like it was just scribbled off the top of your head with more thought put into the rhyme above anything. Anyway, keep writing!