Why Didn't You Listen?

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Everyone says,
Pot is the best.
That pot is
Healthier,
Than the rest.

But I disagree
That’s just silly.
It doesn’t make you healthy,
It doesn’t make you cool.

I bet you don’t even know
What to do.

Do you know that pot screws up your brain,
It flips you and dips you till you feel insane.

We all have friends who,
Smoke pot.
We all have friends that mess up,
A lot.

One of my closest friends, she was really great.
Until one night she stayed up way too late.

Her friends pulled out a joint,
Each one of them took a puff.
They told my friend,
That they could see it in her eyes.
That she wanted to try some
That she wanted to get high.

She took hold of the joint and breathed in a deep breath.
This marked the beginning of one of life’s cruel tests.

With that first puff,
On that first night.

Friend took a scary and dangerous flight.
Down.
Down.
Down.

She turned into this monster that drank every night.
Stayed out too late.

With parents who didn’t care if she was there or anywhere.
A different person she had become.

Because of pot,
That people said was, “cool.”
“Yeah right.” I whisper as I watch friend drop out of school.

Friend lost the test,
That was created for her to beat the rest.
The rest of the drugs,
The rest of the beers,

I send my sympathy but it isn’t really sincere.
I wish you would have listened to me,
When I told you that pot wasn’t cool,

That it ruined your life,
That it made you a fool.

Now I wonder what you’re going to do.
Will you try other drugs?
And get addicted to those too?
Or will you die young, with your whole life ahead of you?
Your last dying thoughts would be why didn’t I listen to you?

So wherever you end up I hope you turn out okay,
That if by some miracle I see you walking on the sidewalk one day.

If I don’t though, which I probably won’t.
I’ll see you up high,
Somewhere in the deep blue of the sky.
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller




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Hey snickerdooly! :D

So, this poem is a bit long, and I think you can really trim it down into something and make it a lot stronger as a result. For instance, right now it seems more like an opinion piece and less like a poem. You introduce your topic, you provide evidence that the topic you chose is important, and then you talk about a personal experience you had with the topic. So, very formulaic, it seems.

My advice would be to center on your friend. I would really like to see a picture of her before the school and then a picture of her after she succumbed to pot. Like, you told her about all the bad things to her, but you don't really tell us why we should be sympathetic to her. Why is she your friend? By knowing how she became your friend, you portray her as more human because there is a more personal connection with us. We know why you love her and thus we know why her separation of identity is so upsetting to you because she was a wonderful person (describe!) and then suddenly she dissolved into this person that you wondered if you could ever love. So, that sort of thing might be really good!

Also, and maybe this is just me because I am a sucker for these sorts of conflicts and everything, but is there any other reason why she needs pot to survive? Some people are able to just have it once and never have it again. There might be another cause of it... a lot of my friends use it as a way to escape their problems.

Anyway, good luck with your poem! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Wow, that was very intense! I would not usually read a poem like this one but for some reason I did. I am glad that I read it. It is very unique and I can see allot of passion behind it. I have friend that went down the wrong road. By God's grace he turned around before it was too late.

Thank you for sharing this magnificent piece of poetry.

Keep Writing,
~FW~
http://www.isiseiyr.com
~When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world. ~ George Carver

Writing...they claim it is a dangerous occupation... 'they' have no idea!




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This was a bitter sweet poem. On the one hand, it showed your care and your deep personal thoughts for this girl. On the other hand, it was of course quite sad and I could sense your resentment for her not listening to you, which makes total sense. I hope you are able to continue writing poetry. Just one thing I thought I would mention:
Using personal feelings and emotions for poetry is often a wonderful way to get inspiration. However, there are times when you need to draw a line between emotion and poetic language. This probably doesn't make much sense, but try to mould your emotions into a properly constructed poem. Don't just pour your emotions on to the page and make it rhyme. I'm not saying you did that here, I know you put a lot of thought and effort into this, and it turned out really well. I'm just saying this so you know, in case you continue to use your own experiences as your inspiration, which like I said, is always a great way to inspire your creativity.
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The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone