Blue Cello

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Palindromic memories meandered from
the blue cello's plangent, hollow heart.
The warmth of anonymous listeners regaled
the artist, fomenting an incipient encore -
cursory jots in the marginalia of his stolid lyrics,
and sober face. Never plays the same song twice.
Last edited by inkwell on Sat May 21, 2011 6:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." — Einstein




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Well...words! Those were words! I like those words. :D They were pretty words...
Palindromic". I like it.
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.




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Ugh. Poetry with this kind of specificity makes me swoon sometimes. You can just feel it, you know?

I think you did an amazing job of getting a relevant tone across in such a small space. While I don't want to deconstruct the entire thing, because I think one of the piece's strengths is its cohesiveness, I will say:

(1) I love the title. That's why I clicked the link.
(2) My favorite phrase was "palindromic memories".
(3) The variation in the punctuation was wonderful and smooth.
(4) "Fomenting an incipient encore" tripped me up. It wasn't the complexity of the words so much as the placement, I think...while I support the use of obscure words with precise meanings, that particular segment gave to me an intellectual sensation that was almost clinical, as opposed to deliberate, which was the direction in which the rest of the poem leaned.
(5) Length. I believe that the poem is great as is-- you told a story with finality-- but I think that if you wanted to, you could expand. Some of that is subjective, because I'm a fan of narrative poems that take this style and run with it, going into the surroundings, the settings, changing action, but I also believe that if you chose to continue you could squeeze more emotion out of the poem.

And that's all I can think of. Seriously, thanks for the read.
RachaelElg: ...we should take a trip to Home Depot while you're here




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Well...I just love your poetry, inkwell. It's never bland or boring and there is always some deep, crypic message ready to be burrowed from the mind-boggling expolsion of huge complicated words. I felt quite out of breath after reading this piece lol. It was...somehow very refreshing and emotive. I liked that there were suble little details which just brought the piece together. For example: the cello was blue, aiding the reader in decipering the mood of the poem. This poem was crazy and kind of beyond comprehension, but wonderful. High praise indeed...
Keep writing and keep producing masterpieces!
~ Amelia :)




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Thank you all for the comments/reviews! You've all been sent personal messages. :)
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." — Einstein




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Palindromic memories meandered from
the blue cello's plangent, hollow heart. The first two lines are perfect, I wouldn't change a thing.
The warmth of anonymous listeners regaled I don't think ''regaled' is a good word for the end of this line. The meaning doesn't quite match and it feels clumsy on your tongue.
the artist, fomenting an incipient encore - These words are great, but you should treat them like gems, rare and highly prized. When you put three words like those together It just sounds like you barfed up some SAT prep homework, you know? I would suggest taking out 'incipient' because the word doesn't roll off your tongue. The meaning is so beautiful though, I don't want to mess it up. Ugh.
cursory jots in the marginalia of his stolid lyrics comma love this line, a lot
and sober face. He Nnever plays the same song twice.

**likes***
I love how you conveyed the deeper meanign with metaphors from the story so it all made one beautifully written picture in my head. Bravo.
-KatTrain
So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra....




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Hey Kat! I wanted to address your review in-forum because it had some suggested revisions.

I know what you mean with "regaled" but it fits from the story perspective. I wanted to convey the cello player as being praised almost meaninglessly by the crowd, like peasants flattering a king. I thought "regale" was the right way to express that. "Foment" similarly was supposed to give a rival sense of revolution (alluding to current events! :p) and unease as the cello player transitions between songs. I wanted the fourth line as a whole to create a change in tone before the two conclusive lines. I like your suggested comma, I think it could add a lot to the way the last line is read.

And I intentionally made the last sentence incomplete. I will relinquish my lack of comma, though! :)

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback. :)
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." — Einstein



Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
— George Santayana