Bad Memories

Spoiler

Sorry if it dosen't make sense... My emotions came out all jumbled.. My way of venting I suppose.

It’s just another bad memory, a scare.
A stab in the heart,
simply making another mask I need to wear.
But memories fade, wounds heal,
and things that frighten you soon become unreal.
We hide our fears, dry our tears.
Put on another fake smile,
pretend to have peace for a while.
Send up silent prayers hoping for the strength to get by.
Never answering if someone asks why.
Trying to block all pain, trying to remove all stain...
But sooner or later we will all fail,
and become an empty emotionless shell...
I begin to wonder if I can ever go back...
if I will ever find the joy that I lack.
And even now through it all, there's somthing keeping me sane.
Something small, that just blocks the pain.
As impossible as it sometime seems,
I have some hope because you're there, always there in my dreams.

Alright, emotions are probably the best way to get a poem. However, when you write it all down at first, it's going to be rough, it's going to be messy and horrible. It is your job to clean it up. To make it beautiful, to make it flow.

You have done some of that, however, I think the poem could be more cleaned up a bit. The line length seems random and choppy, there's some, but not too much flow or rhythm to it. I think you can play around with the words for a bit. You'll find that some way of placing the words sounds better than others.

So far you have a really good start. But then, I see this line:

Amberla93 wrote:Put on another fake smile,

This line really killed it for me. It's such an overused line. I think you can do better. Look at the first six lines, they're all original, fresh and new. I think you can do the same with this line.

Amberla93 wrote:Trying to block #FF0000 ">out all #FF0000 ">the pain, trying to remove all #FF0000 ">the stain...

Nice little rhyme here. Although, I would put add some extra words in there.

Amberla93 wrote:I have some hope because you're there, always there in my dreams.

Liked the ending.

The poem is pretty good, but, I have to question your use of ellipses. Personally, I think the poem would work (and maybe somewhat enhanced) without ellipses. Although that's just my opinion.

I can see that you've captured your emotion pretty well, most of the poem is original, new, real and honest. You really felt the emotions, that's what made it so powerful. Good job on the poem!

P.S. I do believe Memories is spelled without a 'y'. I'm not sure if the spelling for the title was intended or not. But I thought I'd point it out anyways.

I must say this is a very nice work, i have been out of the game for a while and I think what you did here got me a little lost cause I wasn't too sure where the poem was headed but the conclusion of it all gave the whole poem a great mean and I had to read it the second time to get the real impression of the poem you did a great work, keep it up

I shall read this when you spell memorys* correctly. =] I would have read this, because it seems as if you've had a few good reviews. I'm not fantastic at grammar to say in the least, but the title should be flawless. =] Tryyyy again.

Hey,

I'm with Ty on this one. Spell memories correctly then I'll read this.


~Jas

Hi-Ya! I personally don't care if the title is spelled wrong. Every work deserves a review regardless if the title is spelled correctly. I really like this one!

My favorite line:

simply making another mask I need to wear

I can totally relate to this feeling of playing the part for others. Not really knowing who youtruly are.

Anyways, I thought the flow was nice and easy and it all came together great! Keep writing!