Your Embrace

The sun beat down like firey hammers on our backs that day --
the spring breeze, a mere afterthought.
After living through months of ice and
snow and wind, we adored it.
and when we talked, all was natural, and my
hands didn't shake like a fault about to let off
tremors.

That day, you brought about a feeling
buried somewhere deep inside me, dark and forgotten,
never fully realized before that day. I was enchanted
when you brought me close, put your arms around mine.
The rush that came, I cannot describe.
I was suddenly wanted.

I am not beautiful, nor am I smart,
I am not talented, nor am I rich,
and I can be a little strange sometimes,
so someone to love me was something new.
We embraced many times thereafter,
each as wonderful as the next.
You played your heart out on your guitar for me
talked to me whenever you could.
I knew how I felt then.

I go back to your embrace -
it is not a kiss, and it is shared with many others
we hold dear, but all I know
is that nothing is greater than how you
make me feel through it.

Aww, Eli Belly! I can’t wait to see what happens to your writer-ness when you kiss the boy. Like, whoah!

I do have a few nitpicks though.

After living through months of ice and
snow and wind, we adored it.

The line break here seems awkward because of the “and.” I pause there reading it and it chokes up the rest of the line.

I am not beautiful, nor am I smart,
I am not talented, nor am I rich,

Hmph. I find you are quite lovely to look at, very intelligent, and ubber gifted. Using these poetically seems a bit telly and not showy, plus it feels a little “poor me.”

… but all I know
is that nothing is greater than how you
make me feel through it.

“but” feels clumsy here and again a little too telly. I like the sentiment in the last line but it’s not very “hazzah, look at me. I’m the last line of this poem. Tremble before my power.” It just trickles down to the end.


Otherwise this is such a sweet way of you expressing your liking of him. Which is probably what I most like about your poetry lately. It’s been realistically in like/love and not just cliché in your affection for him. What you’re writing about is genuine and anyone can and should appreciate that. My only advice is to be careful not to force what you’re writing because if you do, it will come off as forced. That’s the thing about romantic poems.

Best of luck Eli!

I absolutely adored this!! It feels amazing to know that one person is out there for all of us. I think it's a habit for girls to think they're not pretty or talented but when your love says you are, the world stops. I give you a 5 star A plus!