She has so much.

k so i dont usually post my stuff places but decided to try and see

She has so much,
But left with so little,
Crying out for help,
And wanting someone to hear,

But no one notices,
If only they knew,
Of all the pain she hides,
Behind her smiling eyes,

Maybe then someone would hear her,
And take a minute, a month even,
To break down the wall,
That she’s hidden behind for so many years,

Years that were filled with tears,
Broken down pain,
Filled with sorrow and sadness,
Silently hoping for love,

For once in her life,
But she still hasn’t found the one,
Who will care about her,
And who knows if she ever will.

The first thing I noticed was how many commas there were. I think you should leave some out; no need for commas at the end of stanzas. In fact, the whole poem would sound much better if there were only two commas in each stanza.
I liked the rest of it, but I think its too short and straight to the point. Maybe some imagery would work.
Apart from all of that, I loved it.
Good work.

-*Shimmer

First of all Welcome to yws!

Your poem is a good work.But as shimmer says there is no need of commas after each sentence.Keep up the good work.And keep writing and posting it in here.



-sayani.

This was interesting and sweet. I liked the theme of the poem, but I felt you had much room for improvement here. Welcome to YWS

She has so much,
But left with so little,
Crying out for help,
And wanting someone to hear,

Okay, this was a decent beginning stanza; I feel your 1st line could draw the reader in a little better, but I don't have any suggestions at the moment. Your 2nd line is the main thing here. Do you mean she left where she was with little or that she has little left? If it is the first, the 1st line should be 'she had so much' implying that before she left this place she had much insteady of that she still has that much. If it is the 2nd, I think you need an helping verb like 'is' before 'left' so it reads "she had so much, but left with so little' or 'she has so much but is left with so little". Your 2nd two lines were good, but your last line seemed a little long and the 'and' seemed unnecessary. I believe that 'wishing someone would hear' would fit better here because 'wanting someone to hear' seems a little of an understatement, but its your decision so read it over carefully and do what you think is best.

But no one notices,
If only they knew,
Of all the pain she hides,
Behind her smiling eyes,

The 2nd line seemed a little out of place structurewise. But no one notices what? If no one is hearing her cries, it might be good to restate that and say 'but no one hears her cries' and clarify. I think you have an accidental rhyme with 'hides' and 'eyes', tis not a bad thing, but sounds a tiny bit awkward.

Maybe then someone would hear her,
And take a minute, a month even,
To break down the wall,
That she’s hidden behind for so many years,

Pretty good, but the 2nd line I think would be much more powerful if you reversed it to say 'and take a month, a minute even' because the 'even' implies that the time might be less. Besides, that the last 2 lines seem a little cliche, but nothing structurewise.

Years that were filled with tears,
Broken down pain,
Filled with sorrow and sadness,
Silently hoping for love,

You repeat 'years' here and I'm not sure if it's intentional, but if it's not, I think you should change it to 'days' or 'hours' to make it sound less repetitive. I also don't think you need 'that were' here; you could just say 'Years/days/hours (whatever you decide) filled with tears' Broken down pain? Er, you used 'break down' above and I don't think it's wise to repeat it, so finding another adjective for pain would help you. You repeated 'filled' in the 3rd line; I'm sure you can find another verb and the last line seemed simple, but not terribly so.

For once in her life,
But she still hasn’t found the one,
Who will care about her,
And who knows if she ever will.

so she is hoping for love once in her life? That could be a little clearer, I think. The last few lines seemed kind of weak and not as conclusive as they could be, but with practice and focusing on the power of the last stanza, you can improve in that.

As I've said, I like the idea of this poem, but I also want to say that it seemed simple and not very emotionally involved. There were some very cliche lines, line we've all heard before so think about stating your points in different, more original ways. Imagery works wonders here as do other literary devices of that nature. The main piece of advice I can give you here is to look over some of the small suggestions here and keep writing because I know you will improve if you learn from previous poems and continue to write.
PM me if you have any questions and again, welcome to YWS

^^that was wicked wicked helpful! thanks and i'll work on actually editing it cause i hadnt yet but thanks mucho for the tips