Fake

My corrections are in bold

She doesn't want to pretend anymore. I feel it would add more emphasis if you added periods here.
No one really knows who she is.
They know the sarcastic tomboy that doesn't let anyone in
She doesn't really have friends anymore
Not true ones.
She's surrounded by people, but she feels so alone.
She still laughs. Still smiles.
But no one seems to care enough to tell that they're not real Maybe find another word for real?
With each fake smile she breaks a little more on the inside
She looks out of her open window into the warm spring evening, the stars blazing
She absentmindedly wonders if she'd die right away if she were to jump.
Would she regret it, or would she enjoy the fall?
The thought crosses her mind every day
She knows that it isn't normal;
That there's something wrong with her.
She's the strong one.
She's not allowed to hurt.
She's not allowed to be taken too seriously.
She's an afterthought to everyone.
No one notices her cries for help.
She always hated people who didn't reveal their true intentions
She realizes something for the first time.
That's exactly what she is.
She's fake.

I really liked it overall. Keep going

Kirah

The periods would probably kill the flow. I advise against it. It was powerful as it is. I don't know if I completely understand it. I can relate to the whole people saying they're friends thing and the suicidal thoughts. However, well I think I'm starting to get it. Are you saying the whole "she really just wants attention so she acts like a little emo" thing? I love the way you said it. It did take me a while to get it, and I had to think. For that I like it a lot. There's never an end to how many sides and ways you can take this meaning. It's widely done, and yet I see it done so well and originally every time. She's fake because she hurts herself, just to feel significant? She didn't like her true intentions so she hid them? Am I correct? I really do hate those people either way. Your only as happy as you wanna be. And some people just act like brats for attention.

I like the mood, it provides a sun-shiny atmosphere that makes you feel warm, and that she's isolated. But then you start to feel the dark undertow, it just overtakes you out of nowhere.

So, am I fake? Thanks for adding that to my worries! :/ Just kidding! Haha, but great poem. Really liked it.
--Skis.

On the contrare to the previous review, I understand completely. That's me. I'm that girl. I know EXACTLY what's being said in that poem because I live it everyday. Those who connect to this piece the way I do would understand as well. I'm not sure if I like the flow or not, but it's pretty good. the ending is strong. I like it a lot. My favorite part, besides the ending, was:

bluitch wrote:She still laughs. Still smiles.

That's honestly probably the best part of this poem. Although it's short, merely the punctuation, strength, and brievity of the statement it makes is strong.


Great job.

xoxo,
Kiicoh.