Odds and Ends

I have NOT been on YWS in a century! So I'd love to submit a little something I just wrote today (I guess it's like a short song? Not exactly a poem), it's for my brother, nothing special, and it's filled with some inside jokes that I should let you know about before you read/critique this poem.
I've worked a LOT more on iambic pentameter since before, and even though my rhyming scheme's still a bit off (sorry for that...), I'm proud of what I have.

Spoiler

My brother is a medical school student, he's a freshman, so he took an anatomy class in his first semester where they had to memorize every muscle, tissue, and tendon. If he missed a couple on the test, that spelled a B, if he missed a lot, he basically failed it. I know it may throw some people off so I want to mention that I'm talking about the cellphone "being dead" in the second line of the third stanza. And "NU" is just a teenager slang for "no"... so my point there is "No, I don't miss you". Yeah... I'm a bratty, spoiled little sister too.

Also if you're wondering, my brother does leave a lot of stuff at home. "Tally your score" means we're mock punishing him, sort of. Yep.

I should mention too that Dallas is very far away from where we live. It's five hours north. Yeah, Texas is soooo freakin' big... I mean like, we get hurricanes and he gets tornadoes. He gets snow, we get just ice. He has seasons in Dallas, we go from summer straight to winter... we're getting ninety degree weather already. So in short, we don't see him very often.



Enjoy!


When time passes, missing becomes just another chore.
You don’t care to, but sometimes you feel just a little sore.
Yesterday upon leaving us, you’ve left just one item more…
With nostalgic humor, it’s up to us to tally your score.

And all the little odds and ends you left at home,
Speak to us dearly while in Dallas you roam.
Like small, forgettable muscles in our midst,
Should you miss one, can your grade still be fixed?

Last time it was just a sock, so you said,
A shirt, a cellphone charger—what? Is it dead?
So forgive us for not giving you much cred’,
But give us a price to sell them on Ebay instead.

And all the little odds and ends you left at home,
Speak to us dearly while in Dallas you roam.
Like small, forgettable muscles in our midst,
Should you miss one, can your grade still be fixed?

So like tendons, like sinews, we have these pieces of you,
It is your rambunctious self missing that we all rue.
Though life does get a little nostalgic (‘cause it’s true),
If you ask me about it, all I can say is “NU”.

Hello! Reviewing poetry isn't something I'm really good at, but, hey, whatever right? So... I liked this poem. Your words were a nice choice. One line I especially like:

It is your rambunctious self missing that we all rue.

One thing is that your rhyming is a stiff. Some parts, it seemed a little force. Such as,

With nostalgic humor, it's up to us to tally your score.

What does that line mean? It's quite confusing. Also, I saw how you repeated the second stanza. If you want to repeat that stanza often, maybe you could turn it into a song, with that stanza as the melody. Nice job!

Could you explain stiff? Like as if I'm using words that don't belong to rhyme...? Or repeating one version of rhyming too much? What I meant by "tally your score" is we're sort of mock-punishing him for losing all his stuff at home, lol. I'm sorry I didn't have that in the spoiler.

And yeah, I mentioned that this poem is more like a short song. I'm bad at making music, but I'd love someone who's good at it to come up with something .