The Perfect Girlfriend

I really liked this. It was sort of sweet with a hint of angst? A good combination of love and hurt, blended well together. You misspelled 'soo' at the end though. One 'o'. I'm sure it was probably a typing error. I had no problems with it otherwise. Very good job. =]

Hey there writeitalldown! I'm Walker, here with a review so I hope you don't mind!

And what I'm going to start off with is that I like the concept . The whole 'deaf, blind, and numb' thing is kind of neat and gives a different aspect on the 'new' girl that I hadn't really seen done before. So props to you on that!

But, unfortunately, there were things not so strong about this piece.

Firstly, you had a couple grammatical errors that really take away from the poem. In prose, when one makes a mistake, its spotted out and fixed. In poetry, when one makes a mistake, is shows a lack of time and a lack of care, because poetry should be read over many times in many ways to know that the flow is good. Thats when you let others read it so they can make sure your flow is superb. But grammatical errors should have been spotted out a long time ago.

Next, I would like to talk about the starting of the poem. You give imagery that this girl, throughout the poem, is stupid for ever believing in him. Yet, at the beginning, you make it sound like you're helping him out? I don't get it. I don't understand why you are making this about him when you should be making this about her. She's the one believing in his stupidity. You make it sound, right off the bat, like shes the kanker and not him. I don't know if thats a little bit of spite showing through or personal feelings you may hold in yourself, but in all fairness, shes not really the one to blame with this one.

So what I'm going to say is try to get your emotions down in a way whereas its constant. It makes sense. Not this 'I like her and I'm going to throw you a bone but shes dumb and you're horrible. So just watch out you horrible person cause she's dumb'. If you want to make an impact, do it with plot before anything else.

That and this was pretty simply written. All I got was the straightforward image instead of something that could have been interesting. When one puts a point forth like that, sometimes its better just to write it in prose.

So hopefully that didn't sound too harsh!
~Walker

You wrote this really well. The content of the poem surprised me from my assumption about the title. It was angsty, and it showed vengeance. Wonderful job.

Woah. Okay, I really liked this. Like a lot. The overall message was fantastic and something that a lot of people will be able to relate to. The execution is a bit iffy at parts though. Which is why lyrical poetry makes me sad sometimes because without hearing its hard to know the flow of it all. But overall a very good piece. Maybe change wording in a few spots but other than that its totally desc. =]

helloo!!
I will be your reviewer today *nods*
This is a really good poem and I love the idea behind it..It's really original and I'm a fan of it XD
Just a few little thingies:

Listen to me,
I'm here for you
when you were'nt for me. were'nt should be weren't And maybe you should add 'here' behind weren't..I think it would sound better that way
I found the perfect girl, you'll see.
You can call her yours, forever.
She will make life
so easy.

Other than that: Great write! I am not going to quote my favorite part because I would have to quote it all XD
nice work!!
-qaralynn-