Holocaust of the Future

The blast surprises all of us at work and many on break. We have five seconds to acknowledge the attack before the warehouse is filled completely with smoke.

The smell of burning flesh engulfs my senses and clogs my nose. I put a cloth to my mouth to be able to breath. My eyes sting and begin to water. I hear the dying moaning of pain and screaming for the loved ones they will never see again. The explosion happened not a minute ago and hundreds of bodies are already strewn around.

I make a attempt to close my eyes to prevent images being imprinted with my mind but I find I can not. Pain shoots through my arm at the speed of light. I search frantically for a water source to cleanse my arm. I see a water fountain twenty feet away. I slowly move my legs to test for injury. Other than a few cuts and bruises, I seem to have missed injuries to me legs. I walk over to the fountain and wash my wound. It isn't to deep; I won't need stitches but my arm will take a considerable amount of healing time. I tear off part of my shirt and use it to bind my arm.

I stand up slowly trying to keep what little food I have eaten down. My long blond hair is scorched at the tips and is stained with blood. It's been about three minutes since the blast. Out of the hundreds that were working, about fifty are still surviving. And even those numbers will decrease sufficiently very quickly.

I see my parents bodies, even after death they still cling to each other in hope to become one in the after life. I suddenly remember Annabelle, my eleven-year old sister. My heart beats like an untamed drum.

"Annabelle!" I scream. I bellow out her name over and over again.

My friend Melinda Comes up to me. She looks fairly healthy with hardly any wounds. Her eyes tell a different story. Their filled with sorrow and pain. I follow her and find Annabelle gently rocking Terry, Melinda's little sister and Anna's best friend. Hardly a minutes passes before Terry's soul leaves her. Her sister dies soon after.

I take a grief stricken Annabelle and walk out the door. In the hopes our life begins to look up.

I liked the story
As I read I felt the the drama and I can easily imagine the scene
Only one correction

Other than a few cuts and bruises, I seem to have missed injury's to me legs.

The "injury's to me legs." should be injuries to my legs

Keep it up!

Okay, so this is a pretty good story. The story is not confusing, it's clear and it seems to have no grammatical problem.

However, I do think that you can make this story longer. Tell us more, at the moment, I do not know what the main character's name is name is, what she looks like apart from the fact that she has blond hair, I know very little about this character.

Also, I think you can describe things more vivdly. At the moment, we're not exactly seeing anything. Okay, this next part might just be me, but I don't think it's gruesome enough. A bomb has just been dropped and the mention of blood is minimal. I'd understand if you don't want to make your story gruesome, but you should at least go on about how their faces is streaked with charcoal ash or something. Make it more vivid. Make us see.

This could just be me, but Melinda's enterance seems a bit sudden here. It's just like she appearaed out of nowhere, there had been no previous mention of her yet. I think that it would help if you hint something about her coming. Just something small so it doesn't look like she came out of nowhere.

Overall, I think that it could definitely be expanded, but so far, it's great. Keep it up!

It will be longer as soon as I have the time to put more onlinee!!!!

It was good. I could feel the drama.
I would try to talk a little bit more about what the character is feeling.
She just seems sort of numb.
Unless that was intended.
Minor gramatical errors.
Why did Melinda die?
Make it a little bit more visual.

Although the title gives a proper description of the story, it's not my favorite and you should give it one that is original to your story, not just what it is.

The blast surprises all of us at work and many on break (where do they work? this information could be provided as simply as "surprises all of us at work at the plant" or wherever). We have five seconds to acknowledge the attack before the warehouse is filled completely with smoke.

The smell of burning flesh engulfs my senses and clogs my nose. I put a cloth where did the cloth come from, a shirt? to my mouth to be able to breath. My eyes sting and begin to water. I hear the dying moaning of pain and screaming for the loved ones they will never see again. The explosion happened not a minute ago and hundreds of bodies are already strewn around.

I make a attempt to close my eyes to prevent images being imprinted with my mind but I find I can not. Pain shoots through my arm at the speed of light. I search frantically for a water source to cleanse my arm. I see a water fountain twenty feet away. I slowly move my legs to test for injury. Other than a few cuts and bruises, I seem to have missed injuries to me legs. I walk over to the fountain and wash my wound. It isn't to deep; I won't need stitches but my arm will take a considerable amount of healing time. I tear off part of my shirt and use it to bind my arm.

I stand up slowly trying to keep what little food I have eaten down. My long blond hair is scorched at the tips and is stained with blood. It's been about three minutes since the blast. Out of the hundreds that were working, about fifty are still surviving. And even those numbers will decrease sufficiently very quickly.

I see my parents bodies (your parents work there, too? And your 11-year old sister?), even after death they still cling to each other in hope to become one in the after life. I suddenly remember Annabelle, my eleven-year old sister. My heart beats like an untamed drum.

"Annabelle!" I scream. I bellow out her name over and over again.

My friend Melinda Comes up to me. She looks fairly healthy with hardly any wounds. Her eyes tell a different story. Their filled with sorrow and pain. I follow her and find Annabelle gently rocking Terry, Melinda's little sister and Anna's best friend. Hardly a minutes passes before Terry's soul leaves her. Her sister dies soon after.

I take a grief stricken Annabelle and walk out the door. In the hopes our life begins to look up.

It's a little confusing where this takes place. The title says future but how much in the future? And what about the future makes this setting distinct. Also, you don't give any information about the MC, not gender or age.
This is not to say I don't like your piece, the writing is good and I can feel the action and drama of the scene. Just clear up the things I pointed out and keep up the good work!