Young One

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A Poem by a fellow YWS user inspired me to write this.

Oh kind and ignorant child how fortunate you truly are to have not lived long enough to see the cruelty of man and his gifts for inflicting fear. We oft imagine we know, or that we can comprehend the full scope of fear an emotion, or maybe a sensation, unlike any other. I have lived longer than you and have felt fear in many different forms. Have you young one ever felt a fear for your life, for what you love, or for what you believe in. I feel there is no emotion that has so many names as fear that has such a grasp over everything we are. We become anxious, we feel nervous, or terrified, but why do we give a sensation that we dislike so much such power. It's funny, when you think about it fear has degrees in the English language and in many others. In other languages love has varying degrees and love isn't a catch all term for how we feel. Maybe I'm the only one that finds it odd love is so simple only one word used to define it in it's use but fear has so many different words to be used for it. But maybe it's true what they say "there's nothing to fear but fear itself." If only I could willingly say "there's nothing to misunderstand in love and the word is simple to understand."
Last edited by AdventurerDaniel on Sun May 15, 2011 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
So much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.
Red Wheel Barrow by- William Carlos Williams




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AdventurerDaniel wrote:A Poem by a fellow YWS user inspired me to write this.

Oh, kind and ignorant child, how fortunate you truly are to have not lived long enough to see the cruelty of man and his gifts for inflicting fear. We oft imagine we know, or that we can comprehend the full scope of fear an emotion, or maybe a sensation, unlike any other. I have lived longer than you and have felt fear in many different forms. Have you ,young one ,ever felt a fear for your life, for what you love, or for what you believe in? I feel there is no emotion that has so many names as fear that has such a grasp over everything we are. We become anxious, we feel nervous, or terrified, but why do we give a sensation that we dislike so much? (You could also put a semi-colon where the comma was in front of but) such power. I'm not too sure what this is. Perhaps you could just keep that as another sentence, with an exclamation point maybe It's funny, when you think about it ,fear has degrees in the English language and in many others. In other languages love has varying degrees ,and love isn't a catch all term for how we feel. Maybe I'm the only one that finds it odd love is so simple only one word used to define it in it's use but fear has so many different words to be used for it.This is a run-on. Try splitting the sentence. You can use semi-colons or just start a new one altogether. But maybe it's true what they say "there's nothing to fear but fear itself." If only I could willingly say "there's nothing to misunderstand in love and the word is simple to understand."

Over all, the mistakes you have are all grammatical ones. :) I'm not too sure what this is though, but it's very deep in thought. I like it a lot, because it questions so many things that we usually don't think about. :D Hope I wasn't too harsh on the reviewing, but great job! :)
“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world”

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”




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I love the idea, and the expression, WOW! Don’t misunderstand me, but around the end I felt like I was lost. It was kind of like going into a scary maze in the middle of the day then all of the sudden you look up and it’s almost dark, you have no idea where you are, terrible. Most of the mistakes you made in this piece can simply be corrected with some editing and proof reading. Good luck next time!
Sarah K.



I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
— William Shakespeare