The Sun And the Moon

Look at the window, look out at the sun
And tell me what you see
Do you see heat, love and passion
Or just a ball of gas hanging over the trees
When you see the moon, do you see mystery
Do you feel magic hanging in the air
Or do you just see a rock in space with no way of getting there

When I see you, I know what I feel,
I know who we both are
I know I love you, and you back to me,
And I forget about all of those stars
I don't care about the sun, don't care for the moon
I'm completely wrapped in your smile
So if you feel the magic, the heat, love and passion
All we need is to be alone for a while

Hello there, NerdBurger! The names lilymoore, nice to meet you! *shakes hands*

So, I want to start off by saying that you have a really nice poem here. It took a minute to notice that there was a rhyme scheme in here, which I find to be a huge plus because if a rhyme scheme is the first thing you notice in a poem, then chances are the poem focuses too much on the rhyming turns into the readers main focus in the poem. But the rhyme scheme isn’t as noticeable here so the focus was more towards the poem.

I know who we both are
I know I love you, and you back to me,

I know a lot of things. But when you write a poem just stating “I know this this and this” then it can feel very ugh. So be careful to avoid just plainly stating things as I do think you did a good bit throughout the second stanza. That’s really my only complaint about this poem. Otherwise, it was sweet and used the moon and the sun to describe the narrators feelings perfectly.

If you have any questions about the site or this review, don't hesitate to ask me.

~lilymoore

Hi there Nerdie =) I like your poem!! Its really good!! This is my favourite of your poems even though they are all great and your a poobum haha=D I like the first stanza because it has really good rhyme and its really beautiful =) I see the mystery and the passion BRUU!! hahahaha. The second stanza is really good to because you put a lot of feeling in it and I like that =) ITS NOT CHEESY, ITS AWESOME!! You meanie hahaha =D

i realy like the poem and i think u will always be an amazing poet. I hope i get a chance to read more of your works of art

Hello!
I'm Allie, and I'll be reviewing your poem today!

So, I'll start off by saying that this was a lovely poem, and I enjoyed reading it. I'll show some thoughts that ran through my head in red here ^^

Look at the window, look out at the sun At first I thought this line was a tad boring...
And tell me what you see ... And this one... Not a very good start.
Do you see heat, love and passion Here it became interesting, but I think you should add a ?
Or just a ball of gas hanging over the trees Same here. Question marks look good ^^
When you see the moon, do you see mystery Love the mystery.
Do you feel magic hanging in the air Also another great line
Or do you just see a rock in space with no way of getting there You probably could have started a new line at the "with"

When I see you, I know what I feel, From here...
I know who we both are ...
I know I love you, and you back to me, ...
And I forget about all of those stars To here, it doesn't have much to do with the moon and sun. Perhaps you could incorporate them in somehow?
I don't care about the sun, don't care for the moon
I'm completely wrapped in your smile Love this line <3
So if you feel the magic, the heat, love and passion What about mystery?
All we need is to be alone for a while That was random... Not the strongest of endings...

This was a lovely poem, and as you can see, even the loveliest can use touch ups! I hope you take my advice as constructive, not derogatory ^^
It's been a pleasure reviewing for you!

~Allie Rose~